Can someone link me to a post of article that spells out the nuts and bolts of Plan A and Plan B. I have a friend who has just discovered at BEST an EA on her H and a person he goes to school with. I would like to help her with MB but would like to make sure I get it right! THANKS!

Plan A

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A


The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.


The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


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Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

What are plan a and plan b

There is a TON of stuff in the q & A section and in the notable posts though. He shoudl really come here and the pros will help immensely.

These are two of the most important parts of combating an affair that is affecting your life.

I'm sure someone else will say it much more logically.

For ME, they saved my life and created a new marriage.

Plan B is simply removing yourself from being in the mix of the A. You have NO CONTACT with the spouse whatsoever.

Many see it as the last attempt to stop the A, but in actuality it's gives you the place to go to to recover yourself personally and I believe, let G-d do what G-ds going to do.

Plan B means you have worked out all financial aspects of your marriage so that having any type of contact with the wayward is not necessary. It's not a punishment, but simply a statement saying that I will no longer participate in this chaos.

I'm sure again there is a much better description, but this one comes from my heart.