I have refrained from posting for the past week or so, but I have been here reading some things and keeping track of a few threads.
Things have been going ok in our house. Though I think we have yet to have a day where both of us are really happy and in a good mood. It is like we are taking turns, when one is happy the other is not, and its just kind of gone back and forth.
Throw in a movie with a sappy love story and it just reminds me of years ago when I actually believed and hoped for a romantic love story of my own to happy like that. Instead I grew to think it could never happen and decided I didn't have to strive for passionate love, instead the love and joy of a good friend would be enough. I still think that it can be enough, as long as other needs are being met.

If you aim too high, you might get lucky and hit the target, anyway. But nobody ever hit the target by aiming too low.

Have you considered using Marriage Builders? It is a real good program that can result in having a great marriage, rather than a mediocre marriage.

So a less miserable existence instead of a more miserable existence is preferable to a healthy, fun-filled, romantic relationship with your wife...

And if something happens that your wife is unable to meet one of those other needs for you for some reason, like, I dunno, health problems, a family emergency that takes her from home for weeks at a time, a traffic accident that lands her in bed for six months, then your plan to prevent allowing those other needs to be met by your friend is what?



I won't fall, Mommy. I'll be really careful. I just want to see how close I can get to the edge. See? It's perfectly safe. Look! I even have my toes hanging over the edge. See? One whole foot hanging out there in space.

<What the...? I didn't see THAT coming.>

Mommy! Help me; I'm falling!!!!!!


Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...

<SPLAT>

Good luck, Tom. You'll need it.

Mark

And this is a Tragedy of your own making.

You CAN have the sappy, romantic love you want. You can have an amazing love story of a life. It'll take a little work at first but once you know how it's a sinch. It's amazing and wonderful.

And you won't get it because you want it to fall in your lap like a miracle.

But miracles require faith, and faith spurs action.

And you've decided you don't want to ACT. So you'll settle for second best....

That is a tragedy.

And because I'm talking to a wayward- I want to clarify:



Who is meeting these 'other needs'? Your wife, right?

And then you came to Marriage Builders and learned you didn't have to give up and that it was possible to bring a romantic love story into your marriage! Isn't that wonderful? You've got a chance most people never get: to learn the tools that will make your dreams from years ago come true.

Vibrissa,

He is talking about the FINANCIAL SECURITY need. As long as that need is being met by his wife it is gonna be enough for him. As long as she brings in a paycheck...so he can keep his big boy toy....all is good.

committed

Oh, I was thinking about his need for Conversation which he is currently getting met by his Other Woman... but he could have been talking about FS....

Which is it Tom?

Assumed. He said needs. Hopefully he's referring to his other needs as I believe that he and his wife were actually going to figure out their ENs.

You come off so angry at him personally when you post in his threads. Do you get so angry at the women that have a high need for FS and want their spouse to bring in a paycheck?

Don't know him personally. I can read what he writes on here and that is how ALL of our opinions are formed.

It is not very often that I have been wrong. I've been a member for 8 years and it doesn't take long to spot agendas.

If a woman wanted her husband to bring in a paycheck...and wanted nothing else to do with him...would only give him mercy sex on occasion...would seek out a man at work to moan to...yep, I would have something to say about that too.

committed

No I do not only have a need for FS from my wife. Conversation is also very important. Where there are high times of stress at home though, our conversation is not as good.
I also do not have "mercy sex". I have stated before, we may not have sex a lot, but when we do, I usually want to. Now like in many other relationships, there are times it happens when I would rather not, and times she would rather not. But, sometimes you do it to make the other person happy.
Again, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting your spouse to bring in sufficient income in a relationship.
And the comments about my boy toy (I'm guessing in reference to the truck, since that has been commented on before). Really, is that necessary. People need transportation, and the truck was not even bought new, I have never bought a new vehicle before.

And many people set the bar too high for themselves and end up setting themselves up for failure. Its easier to take small steps than one giant leap.

Thomas Edison failed over 1,000 times to invent the electric light bulb. Everyone who was watching thought he had set the bar too high.

I don't know any Olympic athlete who, early in their life, didn't "set the bar too high". I don't know a single one who said, "Wow! I had no idea I would make it this far. I really wasn't trying that hard. This is so easy."

That's my last post on this.

Tom - you will never convince me to settle for mediocrity.

I stove for the best and did not settle for good enough. I still do that every day.

You know what it got me? The romantic love you used to dream about.

And I'm not special. I'm not unique. I'm not better, nicer, smarter, or more loving than you.

I understand your point, trust me I do. And of course I would love to be one of those people. But look at the examples you give, Thomas Edison, Olympic athlete. What percentage of people actually attain that amount of success. Some people will, but the truth is, not everyone.
All I am saying is that I got to a point where I no longer believed I would be one of those that achieved that high amount of success/happiness in life. So instead I decided that some (what that amount is I don't know) would be better than none at all.
I have goals that are work, marriage, parental, and personally related, and I dream about them being very high, but at the same time realizing that might not happen. So you have a backup plan that involves a good amount of happiness, which I think is better than not much at all.

I don't have to convince you, you don't have to live for it. I simply convinced myself, that it is okay. I am okay with simply being content, content is my form of happiness.

If I thought I could have/or new how to have overall happiness, I would.

I heard about this great program to get you there...lemme see if I remember the name of it...umm....oh yeah, Marriage Builders. lol.

The things you will learn here apply all over your life.

Somehow, I knew as I typed those words you would jump on that train.

This, imho, needs a brain-shift. The PURSUIT of high goals should make you happy; not the achievement of them.

It's all the action along the way that is fulfilling and exciting and puts a smile on your face and gives you the whole gamut of human emotion from elation to frustration. Ask people who have hit their high goals of yesterday--they don't sit back and go, "Whew! I won!" They RAISE THE BAR, and keep chasing higher and higher goals, because they know: that's the fun part.