I see I am not the only one with a trust returning issue, that I can get over. I wrote earlier about my h not wanting to apologize. Whenever we try to have conversations, he always finds a manipulative, sneaky, sweet way to point out my faults. I feel like I am making up for our mistakes, instead or US making up for our mistakes. I can't shoulder anymore! I want to give up, if it weren't for my kids I really feel I would walk. I love him and he loves me I've never questioned that. How long do I meet his needs and make up for not meeting them when he turned to OW? When do I ask for some return? He refuses to see what he did to me, to make me turn cold which led him to OW. I wrote previously I was responsible for everything and worked. I have quit working to focus on the family, but I want mutual decisions, I don't want to be the head! How long do I meet his w/o asking he meet mine? <BR>Mater

I'm just now starting to feel that way. I still have some affection and closeness and intimacy with H, but I have to do it all. He doesn't seem to mind and enjoys it, but he doesn't initiate anymore. I have a feeling it may be part of his withdrawal process, but I'm not even sure about that because he won't tell me anything about the OW and has not said he'll stop seeing her. I don't think he's had time to really SEE her other than around at work, but who knows whats going on at lunchtime.<P>I am starting to resent it. My problem is I am not a patient person and I need instant results. I hate that I have no control over this. But someone else here told me to use a gentle pull rather than a push. I think it was very good advice. It's just hard to deal with something that "takes time" for me in the first place. I hate that this new person interjected herself into my marriage and my beloved husband is now closer to a stranger. I feel like "old news" and have very bad self-worth now. Come on - I WANT TO SCREAM - YOUR MY #&^$&*(* HUSBAND OF 14 YEARS!! He knows every inch and curve of my body! Why do I have to work so hard to love my own husband? It's so heartbreaking beyond words.