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What I have heard, anyway, is that around 6 months from the start of Plan B is reasonably common, but many make it to about the 2-year mark before collapsing. Very few make it past that.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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They can fall apart after the resulting divorce sometimes, too. Lack of a common enemy is cited as the reason.
Isn't that what happened with believer?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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About rings -- OW flushed D!ck's down the toliet when they were living together -- pre-D being filed. He came home without the ring. I asked. I cried. I couldn't believe the nerve of that bimbo.
As for my ring... I kept it on until he filed. Felt HE didn't deserve me. I also felt that my ring didn't mean the same without D!ck's ring. Felt that should we ever get back together -- with a NEW marriage -- it would be befitting to get new rings.
Wishful thinking on my part.
As for true Plan B... when you can detach. Wait til he turns mean. He will. They all seem to. The more time he spends with OW, the more he HAS to start turning on you to justify her.
Mine took a while to turn mean. And he's made up for lost time.
I know what you mean. Hard to believe that WH can change that much. Who is this man and what has he done with my husband?
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Pop quiz time.........
What message does Plan B send Bampot? I wanna say, "I DON'T CARE." Really, all it shows Bampot is that I was NOT willing to continue to have a marriage like the one we had. That THIS is what reality of without me is.
What message does Plan B send YOU? That I CAN live on without Bampot and that I AM strong. That this is what life would be like after a divorce.
Not Too early for a quiz, doncha think? HAHAHAHAHA
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Scotty,
I decided to read part of your thread after the help you are giving me. You are amazing, that after all you are going through, you are here giving help and support to others. I feel bad for you, but happy for you because your trials have made you an amazing person. I know I'm too new here to carry any weight, but you deserve a huge pat on the back for your progress and giving back to this site. Thank you. Thanx A-wok. I feel like I received so much, this is the best way to say thank you. There are times though when I am in a bad headspace and I CAN NOT help someone else. I need to get my head on straight first. Many posters who haven't posted in a while have also helped me because I read old threads too. That's why I always suggest it to newbies.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I can't even fathom the thought of OW flushing the ring down the toilet, WOW. How did you not BLOW? I don't know how I would have dealt with that. I did make sure to tell OW, the night I had installed the keylogger, that when Bampot took off his ring, he carried it in his pocket for a week until I asked him for it. As far as if/when Bampot becomes MEAN, it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I am prepared for everything he can throw at me. It WILL affect me, but I am prepared for it all. Every time I have something in my mail box, I expect it to be a legal document about something. I am preparing for the moment when my children say they want to sleep at OW's house. I am prepared to deal with things as they come. I will still need the board though.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I can't even fathom the thought of OW flushing the ring down the toilet, WOW. How did you not BLOW? I don't know how I would have dealt with that. I did make sure to tell OW, the night I had installed the keylogger, that when Bampot took off his ring, he carried it in his pocket for a week until I asked him for it. As far as if/when Bampot becomes MEAN, it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I am prepared for everything he can throw at me. It WILL affect me, but I am prepared for it all. Every time I have something in my mail box, I expect it to be a legal document about something. I am preparing for the moment when my children say they want to sleep at OW's house. I am prepared to deal with things as they come. I will still need the board though. You are doing an amazing job. I need to work on preparing myself for 'the next thing.' It is brutal though.
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Scottie, I wrote this to you last night. Somehow, I put it on the ORIGINAL thread when I meant to put it on yours....that's what I get for post on drugs. That should be the new motto...."No Posting while Intoxicated".....  {{{{{Scottie}}}}}}, Here's a post to me from a gifted VET Starfish. She posted this to me when I was in my Plan B. I was posting under the pseudo name Jillyju because H had found out about MB and was following (or stalking......  ) my postings. She had some profound things to say to me....... Hi Miss Jilly  In this painful state, it may be hard for you to see just how incredibly well you're doing. I just want to remind you that you are exhibiting extreme grace under fire, and when you think of your life....don't forget to be thankful of your intellect, presence of mind, and good piloting skills. "Loving and protective detachment" (Plan B) is very difficult to execute....but even when you've stumbled....you've picked yourself up and refocussed. Good for you. It might sound silly to say "I'm proud of you" (being a perfect stranger and all), but I am. I see the courage of a lion and the heart of recovery warrior. Right now, your focus needs to be on recovery....specifically....YOURS. If you can remain safely OUT of the line of fire and away from the chaos of infidelity....you can flourish with or without your husband. That doesn't mean you'll lose your yearning for him. It does mean that he won't be able to hurt you every second of every day. In those interims (which will grow longer and longer) you will find Jilly and the capacity to be happy independently from marriage and infidelity. Happy people are simply amazingly attractive and confidence is contagious. The confidence you show in the future <despite> WH's confusion....is "catching" and inspiring. So guard your vulnerabilities....beef up your intermediary. Take the steps to block his email and anticipate his "moves" (like showing up at events). Put power back into your locus of control....because you can't control what HE does....but you can absolutely without a doubt take full control of what you do. You can ACT instead of react. You can forge a new path that isn't defined by pain and rejection. ]Plan B is a time of rebuilding personal power, confidence, beauty, spirit. Don't waste ONE minute of it thinking about what he is doing. Spend every single minute thinking about how to make your life infectious and generous. Personally, I love to see people spend Plan B doing charitable work....reaching out and growing in ways that are hampered by feelings of loss and lack of self worth. Make a difference in someone else's life....starting with your children. Your daughter needs you. And she needs to see a woman who can THRIVE under any circumstances. Show her that she can do it too...because life is fraught with challenges and no one is immune. Faith and Hope are not the enemy....it's where you focus those things that can be destructive. hugs to you star* The words highlighted are my gift to you. Sapphire stated today in Sol's thread the true goal in MB Plans was a happy marriage. I, myself disagree. It may have been my goal at first, but as I got further into my Plan the TRUE goal became to become a BETTER and WONDERFUL ME, no matter what the outcome of my marriage....... That, my dear friend, is what I hope for YOU!!!!!!  Not Ps.....if my last couple of posts see, a bit out there.....well, I'm a bit strung out on Vicodine.......  I chipped my tooth..... Just remember one thing, Recovery, no matter if its personal or marital, is a marathon, not a sprint.....Have a great day sweetie.... Not
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Not, Actually, I saw the thread had been bumped and I started reading it. Something made me look at who bumped it and I saw your post. So, I got it anyways. I am aware that recovery is a marathon and I am ready for it. I felt like I was standing still in regards to Bampot. I was thinking about him WAY too often. I know that I am NOT giving myself enough credit and I am HARD on myself, DS10 really does come by it honestly. It's just that I need to PUSH myself. I have NOT given up on a possibility of marital recovery and seeing what my parents are going through, I can see just how difficult it is first hand. I think that's part of the reason I can't seem to stay away. It's hard though. I think my Dad just isn't into it anymore. One foot in front of the other. I still need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I must say, it feels really weird NOT wearing the ring and I almost wanted to put it back on but I am a person who pushes TRHOUGH things that are difficult because I know there are great things on the other side. I am moving forward again and that makes me HAPPY.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Found my new favourite show. AIR DOGS on Discovery Civilization. LOVE IT. Got a dining room table today. FIRST one I have owned. DSx2 were so excited when it was being delivered, by my sister, they stayed awake to see it. Funny thing is, it only came with 3 chairs HAHAHAHA. Don't worry, we have 2 more different ones for company. DSx2 already staked their claim on their chairs. DS10 want the head of the table, and DS7 wants me to sit in between them. Such cuties. I've had some questions about WHY I took off my wedding ring now. The best response I have come up with is, "I had to focus on my personal recovery and remove WIFE from my label. I am not a wife right now because I don't have a husband to be a wife to." NOT giving up on marital recovery if Bampot takes his chance for it. Not ME who gets the chance now though, it will be Bampot who is the lucky one to get that chance. I was chuckling inside as I typed that line. Bampot is NOT in charge. WOW. Clearer picture on that one. Thanx for that NUDGE Pep. Thanx for all of the support everyone else(too many to name individually, I would be afraid to forget someone). I guess my dream last night was along this line. My DREAM was that I was sleeping. DS7 came upstairs and said, "Daddy is home." Bampot comes into my room, lays down on the bed behind me and wraps his arms around me. I say, "Is the affair over?" He says, "Yes." I say, "Are you ready to do whatever I ask?" He says, "I will do ANYTHING that you ask me to." All of the MB concepts run through my head. Then I woke up. I felt at PEACE. Getting better again. Moving forward. Not stuck. Who says you have to be quiet on here when in Plan B? HEHEHEHE
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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That is a much better dream. Scotty in control...yeppers.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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You can always get yourself a pretty little bauble/ring to wear on that finger for now so it doesn't feel weird AND you focus on yourself.
It can be very sparkly or carved or just plain pretty and you can look at it and say "Scotty Power".
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Great suggestion Reading! I remember feeling NAKED without mine. It was really hard when people who didn't know me asked me if I was divorced. I would be like, no not divorced, just separated, but how can you tell??? The 25-year indentation and the tan line was a dead giveaway. Reading's suggestion is excellent, I wish I had thought of it back then.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 07/07/10 12:46 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Funny thing is, I HAD thought about that and a friend of mine even suggested it to me today. I think I will tell her I decided to take her up on it. I can call it my SCOTTY recovery ring. Hmmmm, it will definitely HAVE to be blue, since that is my birth stone AND fave colour(YES YES I KNOW I Spell "colour" with a U :P ) I will get working on finding that ring. It has to be perfect.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Colour is much more aesthetically pleasing!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Today, I went to work and I bought a ring. It is just something temporary until I find one I LOVE. It feels better already. "Scotty Power Ring." It is all sparkley. LOVE THAT. I "feel" the difference in me already and others have commented about how strong I have been through all of this. I have THIS site and all of YOU to thank for that. You guys are AWESOME. There is something else that has "hit" me. I read new posters' posts and I see come vets or others suggest people read my thread. I mean THIS thread. Not just the newly betrayed thread I started(which BTW, I NEED to bump more often to alleviate poor Mark's STRESS, HAHAHAHAHA). It seems weird for ME to be an example. I feel like it was all of YOU that got me there. I hope I can make you all PROUD. Gonna go build a 500 piece puzzle with the kiddos as soon as Simpsons is over. WOOOHOOO.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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It's always true that you find something when you aren't looking for it. I FOUND THE PART ABOUT AFFAIRS ENDING WITHIN 6 MONTHS. As it turns out, most affairs end within six months of their seeing the light of day (being revealed to their family and friends), and almost all affairs end without leading to marriage In the article HERE. I knew I read it somewhere.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Enjoy the ring and thanks for the mention of doing the puzzle. I copied your idea and have been doing one with the boys too!
-SOL
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We are only about a third of the way there. It is LOADS of fun and I get to show off my MADD SKILLZ HAHAHAHAHAHA.(Wait OLD people do puzzles too).
Taking the kiddos to the Mandarin for dinner now. Lots of Plan A goodness. It is movie night too. How many more days until they go back to school? HEHEHEHEHE
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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That sounds great! Our puzzle skills are a bit lacking, but we almost have the border done. I swear we are missing a piece or two...
-SOL
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