LoveFear/I cut and pasted your post here:

I am in serious need of guidance. My husband and I have been leagally seperated and living apart since Oct 27, 2009. Shortly after the speration he tried to get back together and I was not ready. Things became very ugly dealing with the custody of our children.

In Feb. I foundout he was dating a lady from his work. He then asked me to get back together again and I just could not even stand to look at him knowing he was with someone else. I rejected him. Things became even more hostile and ugly in dealing with our children. He moved his GF and her son into our house and introduced them to our children in April. This is against a court order to not introduce a significant other to the children after 6 months.

I became very upset and approached him at our house. His GF was there and threaten to call the cops if I did not leave. Well she ended up doing so and I was later arrested. My husband said he needed documentation for court and custody.

In May of this year our youngest daughter became ill and was hospitalized for many days. This was the first time my husband and I were able to talk alone with no outside influences. We learned that much that we went through was dictated by other people. We cried and held each other all night and told each other that we love one another. His response is what do I do now? - I have a woman and her son in my house. I told him not my call.

It has been 41 days since we started talking again and rebuilding our relationship the problem is that his GF and her son are still in the house and he has not told her anything. He said that he is afraid that WE will not workout and only time will tell. We went to the movies last night as a family and it was such a great feeling. Yet when the night was over he headed back to our house where his GF and son are. It feels so wrong and I get physically sick over it. I tell him he cannot burn the candle at both ends and he agrees and tells me to be patient...it will all work out. WHAT??? US???

I live alone except on the weeks that I have my kids. When they are with their dad I get soooo lonely and depressed. What do I do?

Welcome to MB! You've have found the BEST place on the net to get help for your marriage.

First order of business, can you answer some questions? It will help us know how to help you.

How old are you and WH?
How many children?
How long have you been married?
Have you told anyone about what your WH is doing?

Don't tell WH about this site. Next, read all the articles on "How to Survive Infidelity" in the yellow box on the right.

Get your hands on "Surviving an Affair"-- if you can't afford to buy it, you can probably find it at your local library. Study it like it's the Bible.

Keep coming back to this thread and post as often as you like. Others will be along shortly to help you as well.

Don't forget to breathe.

They are living in your house? So you moved out?

Are you still the legal owner/renter of that house? Is there any legal reason why you cannot order her to leave and move back in yourself? Did the separation order award the house to your H, and if so, why?

I movedout in October 27, 2009 because things were getting way to scary. Yes the house is in both my name and my husbands. My atty said that because my husband invited her into the house there is nothing I can do.

We have not even started going through the property seperation because we started to talk again. Things are at a stand still.

I am 36
Husband 37
2 children
married for 11 years

What does WH mean?

I have already purchased How to survive an affair, per the request of my pastor.

WH = Wayward Husband

Sorry you are here, but it sounds like your husband doesn't want to kick the OW out because he is living his fantasy life, he has his wife and his G/F, so why mess that up?

What I would start doing, is read everything you can on this site. Have you read Scotlands thread yet? If not do so..

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

Start working your plan A read about the carrot and the stick to plan A.

I know it's hard and lonely when the kids are gone, but those are the times you need to start working on yourself, exercising, changing your look, reading the books, etc.

I'm not sure how trying to discuss kicking the g/f out when obviously he doesn't want to do it, he might say, he doesn't know how to do it, which is just another lie! The fact he hasn't told her anything about you guys talking are sorry but he wont change.

WH means "wayward husband".

Have you exposed this affair to everyone? Do you know if OW has any family? You should expose this affair to everyone who may have any influence over your WH or OW. This is not done out of vengence but to expose the affair to the light of day.

Why were you arrested? What was the charge? Were you convicted?

You need to "Plan A" your WH, which means you start working on YOU. There's a thread here "For newly betrayed spouses" that you MUST read. Study up on Plan A and Plan B. Start turning this around.

How old are your children?

lovefear, welcome to MB!

Specifically why did you move out? What events led up to that?

Were you ever involved in any kind of EA or PA at any time?

This is not necessarily true. I DO see hope for this marriage and it IS possible that he can change. My DH was a horrible WH and did despicable things. Today you wouldn't recognize that he's the same person.

Yes WH family knows and some of our friends as well. I want to approach the OW but my counselor is stating what good would that do? The OW obviously does not care because she knows we are not divorced and newly seperated and moved right in. Oh yeah the OW has WH name tatooed on her back - lovely!!!

I was arrested for DV which was thrownout by the DA for lack of evidence because there was nothing.

I have been going to counseling and have been learning alot about myself and the changes I need to make to being happy in my own skin again. My kids are 8 & 10. My 8 year old is sick with a kidney problem. My WH said that we will be back together just be patient because it is too soon for him. My thoughts are if WH is so sure we are going to be back together then why wait?

Lovefear... please read this thread all the way through... it's important! Then come back and ask us some questions.

Click this link

Because he doesn't want to end his fantasy life with you and his g/f!

This all started because my WH was talking with an OW from his past and would not shake her. I got so sick of it and then I also had an EA.

We tried to be seperated and live in the same house and it just became very scary. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be leaning over me (on more than one occation). The final staw was when I came home to him taking everything off of the walls in the house because he could not handle it anymore. That is when I decided to moveout with my girls

We have not talked like this in years. We are open and honest and it kills me to see him go back to the OW. I want to trust him when he tells me that we will be back together. He said that we have to work through this because he wants to make sure that WE last forever...

Actions speaks louder then words my dear, if he is not "doing" to help the recovery, then most likely he will not change.

And so far...

He has done NOTHING...literally! He hasn't even told the OW that you guys are talking, are you guys sleeping together?

Maybe you should confront the OW and tell her that you and your husband have been talking for almost 2 months now, and we are thinking about a recovery. Maybe she will just leave? I don't know, lets see what the vets say about this

Woah woah woah... so you cheated too? Have you ended all contact with this OM? Was your affair exposed too?

Have you read the link I posted?

Yes I did. Yes I have no contact with the OM. I told WH about my affair and he said that we could work through this because he did not want to lose his family....

I am 36
Husband 37
2 children
married for 11 years

I have already purchased How to survive an affair, per the request of my pastor.

We need some more info on your A. Be as specific as you can, please.

Who was OM? Coworker?

How long was the affair? When did it start? When did it end?