Just cut all ties with this complete mess of a woman. She is not marriage material. Don't talk to her ever again and don't look back. Let the door hit her in the @ss on the way out.

You cannot change this woman. Only she can change herself. Talking to her while she is going through this change (or not going through it if she decides not to) will only destroy your love for her.

Let her know you love her and want to preserve that love. That means no contact while she gets her cranial rectal extraction performed.

Once she gets her head on straight you MAY be interested in reconciliation.

You may not be interested either. She may take YEARS to get straightened out. After divorce it is your choice if you want to wait the years it takes, or you want to move on.

I'll bet you'll want to move on and you know, it's her loss. But these are the consequences of the decisions she has made.

To stick around while she tries to get her life in order will not only kill your love for her, it will hinder her own development. She will only be making the changes for you - not because she in her heart believes they need to be made. She'll constantly be looking for your approval on her changes. She needs to learn right from wrong on her own.

On top of that, if you're around and she's making these changes 'for you' it will only fuel a deep resentment for you. She has to change FOR HERSELF. She has to become marriage material because it is what SHE wants. That realization has to come from within her and motivate an outward change of behavior.

Having you around hinders that, destroys your love for her, puts your life on indefinite hold while you wait for an abusive woman who may never change.

No contact would be best.

^Agrees!!

Is that absolute no contact except through a mediator of your choice until she agrees to meet the boundaries set forth in your Plan-B letter, and commit herself to marital recovery?

A single word answer is what I'm looking for?

Yes or No?

Had you already given her a Plan-B letter stating that there will be no contact except through a mediator of your choice until she agrees to meet the boundaries set forth in your Plan-B letter, and commit herself to marital recovery?

Yes or No?

If you did, your Plan-B letter holds absolutely no weight with her now at all. And unfortunately, you look weak to her because you where unable to stand by your own words put forth in said Plan-B letter.

A strong man stands by his word.

What kind of man makes a strong statement and commits himself to a plan of action but then fails to follow through?

yes NC means NO CONTACT!

So don't do this again, just help yourself right now, don't worry about her any longer, plan B is not for them, it is for YOU ONLY

If your in PB your in PB. Plan B where you talk to them if they call is plan Fail.

She is making up reasons to try to talk to you. She is missing the needs you were providing. If she misses them enough she may want to come back under your EPs.

I know its hard but let the phone ring. Do things on your terms. Fix yourself and prepare to move on. There is life out there. Plan D closes a door but alot of them open. Once you get farther along you will stop trying to believe this and truelly know this.

I know it sounds mean or uncaring no contact when the ws is reaching out. But everything said is true. You are in a tuff sitch... Very very similar to my beginings. You are allready being to compashionate, she's banking on you being the reasonable one.

Listen you have to cut her off and see what happens. It's going to take awhile for her to face this and sort it out enough for your satisfaction. I know your prob confused, because the goal is reconciliation and we are saying don't talk to her. But, it's because it's one of many minipulations to come, she will tell you what you want to hear and it will sound like your old wife and you will want to belive. She is not the person you knew, but she is going to want to make sure she has tabes on you and your life, making sure you aren't moving on... That may or may not mean anything encouraging, so don't put to much hope into that.

Listen I'd really like to see you guys make it, I don't want to see you shoot yourself in the foot. Your mental health above all else is most important to save. And yes we've been there, heard the same "logic" you did, so my h didn't loose me in his life even when we were seperated. That benifited only him. The way to see if you can work things out is cut her off from you and see what personal changes she makes on her own volition. It's not about talking out your problems right now, it's about her fixing herself, facing herself. And you letting that happen and you moving forward in your life while leaving the door open just in case she gets her [censored] together.

Listen FYI if you don't do these things you will be minipulated, affair bull is the most perdictiable behavior. You could have a false recovery or many falce recoverys, depending on how strong you are. Ws's have a amazing ability to say what you need, they'll try for a second then start to resent you and your back at square one. The ones that aren't imediatly remorceful are hard to deal with. Your dealing with a big offender who doesn't take you or your marriage seriously.

What's the harm in talking? You have no idea, wish I could give you a play by play.

Update never?

Hope things are going good in plan B

Well today she moved back to WI with her parents, I have alot of mixed feelings but I almost feel like filing for D and moving on. With that said, the past few days ive been talking to someone new, i wasnt planning on it but she kinda just came into my life, I kind of feel guilty because i was set on making it work and now I feel like saying forget it, but maybe its a good thing? anyone think talking to this new girl is a good or bad idea?

NOOO!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS WRONG!!

STOP IT NOW!!

You are still married, even though your wife did that to you, you have no right to do it back!

Stop thinking like a wayward, and finish this before you mess it up even more!

DO NOT DATE! DO NOT TALK TO ANOTHER WOMAN!

Wait till the divorce is final!

A cautionary tale for you n_a

Please read through to the end.

It's a bad idea to date before the divorce is final, and neither of you have even filed yet.

File, divorce, then date till your heart is content.

Well, let's put it this way. Do you want to commit adultery? Would you like to join the ranks of brain sucked out wayturds? No? Then you don't date until you are DIVORCED. You have read the stats. This "relationship" would be DOOMED.

Run RUN RUN. Don't WALK from this "girl" you need to RUN away.

So if you want to Divorce her then file the paperwork tomorrow....don't just start dating to "see" if you can find someone else, that is WRONG!

Tell this woman, that you need to stop talking to her until AFTER the divorce is final, can you do that?

Yea, i know, i pushed her away at first, then i went along with it. My WW is back with her parents now and the divorce papers are signed and mailed to her for a signature and then she agreed to take them into the county clerk and file them, and then in 4 months the divorce will be final. I told the OW that I am still married and we cant let it go anywhere until the D is final. The other woman wants to continue to talk and then when the D is final she wants to date... I didnt know how to answer her

Just tell her, that you have a lot of stuff on your plate right now, and you don't want to start a relationship just yet...or how about this...

Tell her the truth!

You are still a married man, even if you did sign the papers, you will still be married till it is final, its like being engaged until you hit that alter and say "I DO" same concept.

This young woman knows that you are still married, yet watnts to keep "talking" to you?

I'd say that you need to steer clear of her. She doesn't have a clue, nor does she appear to ahve any respect for marriage.

I've heard someone say that it's not a good idea to date anyone who would not make a good spouse, because you might fall in love with that person and set yourself up for a world of hurt. You've already been hurt by a young woman who seems to have looked at marriage as a means of getting out of her parents' house so she can do what she wants, only to find that that pesky person who is her husband actually wanted her to be a wife.

Don't go looking for more pain.

You're young. Work on yourself and think about what you really want in a wife and out of life. THEN, after your divorce is final and you know what you want, you can start dating.

I don't think this gal is what you need in your life.

I agree....even if you signed the papers, still you are married, do you honestly want to get in the same boat you were in with your other wife?

Find a woman who respects marriages, not woman who find broken men to fix, when their marriage is falling apart.

RUN don't walk, away from this OW.

When she first started talking to me she thought I was already divorced, a mutual friend told her I was divorced, when i told her that she did pause and asked more about the situation and she doesnt want to date until its final. I mean I know it'll be an EM if we continue to talk, but at the same time I feel its acceptable in my case especially once the papers are filed and it is a "no fault" state.