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Thanx for posting that Lil. It was a heavy read but very well worth it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Great, great analysis.....
A must read!
TBC
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Wow - that's just awesome. Glad you brought this up lil' Both affair partners are having to alter their values systems to accommodate what they�re doing. This feels uncomfortable, so they look to each other for confirmation that they�re justified in acting as they are. Neither wants to believe that they�re involved with someone whose values system is easily changed � that would be weak - so they must each work hard to convince each other that they are good, that their values are altering only because they are �growing�, becoming too complex and sophisticated / visceral / emotionally liberated for the old realities as personified by their spouses. They therefore reinforce each other, generating a self-perpetuating cycle that builds like a fire in heavy winds. How often do we see a wayward come here trying to convince us they're not really a bad person... because to admit that to themselves, to admit that they violated their own values so completely is painful. Wow...
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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I am a total newbie here, but I really wanted to add a few of my gems:
From FWH after catching him in yet another lie: "It's like you don't trust me...."
I have no idea what POSOW stands for. But from OW when I confronted her and told her I would expose to her H: "My h didn't do anything wrong and I can't believe that you would hurt an innocent person who never did anything to you!" Ummm, hello idiot, like you didn't by having an A with my H!!
And my FWH had a foursome with his OW and her BF/BFH. Well my FWH also started having an A with OWBF after that little "party". The BFH's then caught them in the act, which is how I found out about everything. So BFH's calls me to tell me:
Him-"I caught your H with my w in the act.
Me-"How does he even know you?"
Him-"Well, we kind of had a foursome with your H and the OW. I hate your H and want to kill him"
Me-"Why didn't you call me and tell me all this after the foursome?"
Him-"well, I didn't want to hurt you"
Me-"So let me get this straight. You participated in a foursome with my H and thought that I didn't really need to know then and that somehow it was ok. But you are now telling me because my H apparently crossed a line and went after your W alone".
Him-"Yeah, but you know, I thought thought the foursome would be fine". WHAT??!!
Me-FWW/BW
Him-FWH/BH
DS-7
D-Month for me 01/08
D-Month for him 09/08
Plan B-Fall 2010
Currently in recovery
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Great post, lil. Long, but worth the time it takes to read it!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Lildog, insightful post. Wondering when war of the worlds will collide?
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Yes, thank you Lildog. Your post shows what the WS will END up with when the A loses his emotional grip and the fantasy starts to fade..but when it is still to hard to swallow the pride:
--life with a OP who by now WS realizes is much inferior to BS
--constant regret and guilty feeling which get transformed into anger. They become angry and resentful people.
--low life attitude
--loss of self esteem and depression
blessing
atena
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txn -- It stands for piece of s.... OW.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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WS lose their sense of smell... 
atena
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WS lose their sense of smell... What was the expression "you don't eat where you ????" 
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Great post it makes a lot of sense.
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Thanks Karma! I always wondered what that stood for!
Me-FWW/BW
Him-FWH/BH
DS-7
D-Month for me 01/08
D-Month for him 09/08
Plan B-Fall 2010
Currently in recovery
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Ok... I was recently (and unfortunately) reminded of this little gem...
At one point my WW told me that she thought that after I got a girlfriend and got it out of my system that we would get back together... Seriously...she said it. She figured I just needed to have an RA and all would be right in the world.
Even typing this out now I still have a hard time believing that she even said it. Crazy wayturds.....
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Had to post this from last night. WW and I conversing on the phone about integrity and some folks that are cheating in her nurses course (she's class pres and had issues with this) In any case, she tells me she's graduating end of July and expects me to be there. I say if OM will be there absolutely not. Her response..."As my husband and biggest supporter, you need to suck it up and be there". I said "I fail to understand how you consider me to be your husband other than legally. Can you explain?" HAH. We haven't been living together for nearly 2 years and she's on OM #3.
Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet
Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Had to post this from last night. WW and I conversing on the phone about integrity and some folks that are cheating in her nurses course (she's class pres and had issues with this) In any case, she tells me she's graduating end of July and expects me to be there. I say if OM will be there absolutely not. Her response..."As my husband and biggest supporter, you need to suck it up and be there". I said "I fail to understand how you consider me to be your husband other than legally. Can you explain?" HAH. We haven't been living together for nearly 2 years and she's on OM #3. Why are you still married to her then? File that D and get it over with.  Sorry I dont know your story just what you wrote on this thread.
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I think he is in Plan B, according to his siggy...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Hi SR. I've read your story and am happy for you and wheels recovery. Actually I am in plan D and working a terrible plan b. WW and her atty seem to be slow rolling everything. I was fooled by one false recovery after I initially filed and am pushing plan d as long as she's with OM. Based on her words I mentioned she really has no clue as to how her actions affect other people, especially our kids. Nor does she have any empathy. Strange how WS become people that just don't seem to care. She is not the person I once new. At times it seems she's really remorseful but it always ens up the same. No change and I can't tell if it's true remorse and confusion or just a ploy. Seems she won't take the time to do what you did even though your words in your original post smack of familiarity to me.
Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet
Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Hi SR. I've read your story and am happy for you and wheels recovery. Actually I am in plan D and working a terrible plan b. WW and her atty seem to be slow rolling everything. I was fooled by one false recovery after I initially filed and am pushing plan d as long as she's with OM. Based on her words I mentioned she really has no clue as to how her actions affect other people, especially our kids. Nor does she have any empathy. Strange how WS become people that just don't seem to care. She is not the person I once new. At times it seems she's really remorseful but it always ens up the same. No change and I can't tell if it's true remorse and confusion or just a ploy. Seems she won't take the time to do what you did even though your words in your original post smack of familiarity to me. OH! I'm really sorry about that 
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A thread turned up on another board I read. It was a WW looking for sympathy - I posted it in another topic because there's a lot to be learned from it. However, one of the things she says in one of her responses to others who've called her out on her cheating was this:
"I have NEVER EVER EVER and I will say EVER cheated on Jeff before this or with any other BF."
Like the first one doesn't count?
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Ohhh....
I got a good one just last night. Talking to WW about her destructive lifestyle and how I worry for the kids (its a long story). She's talking about how its her life now (we are getting a D) and I should stop snooping and trailing her.
For more background, we haven't had SF in about two years.
Then she pops up with this beauty...
"I'll always believe that you (schtoop) were messing around, too. My friends say there's no way you could go two years without getting it somewhere."
I am dumbfounded (I shouldn't be, heard enough fogbabble to know anything is possible), but I am able to respond with:
"So now you and your friends have to MAKE UP transgressions for me in order to justify YOUR actions?"
I shook my head and ended the conversation.
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