You may be ready to move forward but your wife is still not over your EA's and on top of that she is now using them as an excuse for her A. First you need to kill her A. Then when you both are ready to work on the Marriage you need to address all the affairs.

The thing is that you're thinking about action/reaction. I know cause I've made that mistake many times. Trying countermeasures to her crazy, irrational behavior will drive you nuts pretty soon. If you're going to expose just do it because it will help to kill the A not as a reaction. Worry about what you can control and set your priorities.

--ElCamino72

Good lord what a night.....

This morning she deleted her fakebook account and secret email. She offered for me to keep her phones and computer with me (but not in a nice way) and I told her only if she wanted me to because I want her to want to.

She's spitting mass amounts of vitriolic hate at me and literally chased me around the house last night to argue. I would walk away after saying something like "I'm only doing this to save us and work on our marriage" and walk away and she would just follow me and tell me I'm forcing her, using our son to inprison her, etc. It was horrible, especially when our 4-year-old son told her to not be angry and not leave...I started crying at that point.

She said so many hurtful things, and then she slept in the other room.

at one point she said "who knows, maybe I'll fall in love with you again one day" after saying so many other hurtful things...

and I told her that's what I'm going to work and hope for....so I know she still has it somewhere inside of her.

Slow up hill walk you are on.

Yes have her give you access to her comp and cell.

Her computer isn't the problem...I have eblaster on it and see everything she does. It's her phones that are the issue, but even if she does stuff she knows how to delete it. I'm getting phone records today.

so i see she got a text message from him this morning (which means she is contacting him, as well). I went and talked to his boss and he seemed very concerned and told me he'd take care of it....so we'll see what happens.

I told her sister to talk to her dad, who is already concerned but doesn't know what's going on.

Talked to a psychiatrist yesterday and he tried to contact her but got completely shut down basically, telling him to work on my issues instead. She got very mad at me for contactin him and giving him her email to contact her. But, he's very concerned with things I told her she was saying. I'll keep trying.

Good deal! Glad you exposed to his boss....how are you on going NUCLEAR on the exposing?

How are you doing in plan A?

well, I go home and she's in a weird mood and starts checking my phone. I ask her what she wants to know and I tell her. So she asks if I saw OM again and I said yes and his boss too, and she freaks out. She says she's going to walk to his store and talk to him and if they have sex then 'oh well' So, I immediately get on the phone with her Dad and she comes back in like 5 minutes and we're still talking and she freaks out on me again and starts talking to him saying she doesn't need his help and won't go home to be with him and will handle it herself. After more arguing I just get dressed and leave and come back to work because we have a function this evening. But, first I stop at her friends house and talk to her and tell her everything, as well. It's really the only friend she confides in here and she already knew about most of it, except WW left out the details about loving the OM.

So, on my way to work I get a call from WW and she starts letting me have it and then begs and pleads with me to let her do things HER way, that me talking to all these people is just another example of me not listening to her, not respecting her wishes, and doing thing only my way, which is the way it has been our entire relationship, and throwing everything I've done in my face again. She says if I have an ounce of respect for her that I'll 'back off', let her do things her way and let her continue to talk to OM to break things off smoothly because he is so attached to her (gag). But she reiterrated a few times that she "PROMISES" that she will fix it. She says I'M the one acting like a child and being crazy. I didn't say anything really except listen because she really doesn't hear anything I say. Everytime I say "I'm only fighting for our family and marriage" she always retorts with "yes, you want what you want and the way you want to do it........again, forcing me to do things your way."

Plan A is going alright I think...I'm still just trying to be nice to her and do things and just be a perfect husband. It's so hard when she's being so cold.

What should I do about the above things she said? I really don't have anyone else to expose to that she cares anything about. Telling her Dad was a HUGE step.

Well it sounds like your wife wants to keep in contact with this man, and does NOT want to fix the marriage. DO NOT ARGUE with her, if she is upset just smile and say "Right now is not the best time to discuss this, want a cookie?"

Keep meeting her needs

Keep being a loving husband

If she wont change the start preparing for plan B.

Be careful about springing books, sites or psychiatrist to WW. That may be an LB (DJ). Also, turns out that very few counselors know how effectively deal with waywards. I was in MC for three months (before I found MB) and it only made things worst.

--ElCamino72

What she says is fog babble. She already did things her way, and look where it has taken her. The rest is scripted babble about rewrting your history. Saying "you always force me to do it your way" is complete non-sense. Give her non-sense back, reverse the babble. Im not good at reverse babble talk, scotland is much better, but something along the lines of:

"Thats a great Idea, I'm going to stop making your choices for you today! In the meantime I choose to tell everyone we know about my marriage. Have a cookie." (Im really good at DJ, and that comes off more like a DJ??? )

Other people you can expose to are OMW, his family, and his friends, I think they would like to know since they are all so close.

Your doing really good, don't forget to rejuvenate yourself. Take time out to do what makes you happy.

Agree...we were also in MC when I was in an A, they don't know how to work with us because all we do is lie ROFL...

I suggest you not talk to your wife about any relationship talk or counseling, just stick with your plan A.

Have you read carrot and the stick to plan A? If not then that is what you need to do now!

The only issue I have here is the culture, but it's a bit late with that becuase I told her dad so that can of worms is open.

The psychiatrist said he's familiar with Dr. Harley and he agreed that no contact was the way to go. He sounded pretty good to me on the phone.

What do I do if she insists on continuing contact? She said she'll fix it and it may take a day or a week or a month, but that she would.... I don't know what to do next.

what you need to do next is plan A!

Yes she will still contact him, yes they will still see each other...but stick to your plan A, if you can no longer be in plan A then I suggest you start preparing yourself with plan B.

First how long have you been in plan A? You should be in it for at least a month, if it has been less then restart your plan A.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1640788&page=1

READ and DO

In what culture is it okay to have an affair?
Exposing may feel like gossip, or putting a scarlet letter on you wife (I know), but it is still the most effective way at ending the affair.

I have read carrot and stick to Plan A over and over. I'm trying my best to implement it, but as you know it's difficult.

The OM doesn't have family here and is not married...he's 23 and all his family is back in Syria.

She's convinced that someone 15 years younger than her is truly madly in love with her and she doesn't want to hurt him for life and affect the way he treats women in the future.

She is starting to see her fantasy crumble. This is the time to go NUCLEAR. Avoid making it a reaction to her actions. Just do it because it's going to help you stop the A. Trickle exposure is not as effective because it keeps reopening the wound and doesn't let her withdraw. Kill this A NOW.

Continue avoiding arguments or explanations. Your actions is what matters. Make it a stellar plan A.

You are doing well, man. You have a plan that is proven to work. Execute it.

--ElCamino72

Want,

I bumped Orchid'd thread on reverse babbling. Please take a look, it is a good read at dealing with fog babble.

Yes read it! They have some good reverse babble