|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 13
Junior Member
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 13 |
Is it ok for me to post here if I was the one that had the affair?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
Sure and welcome. Just be prepared for 2x4s to be administered when necessary! 
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803 |
There are quite a few of us here.
Welcome to MB!
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 13
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 13 |
I have a long story and it has taken me a long time to open my eyes. I am still hurting and I dont want to be fussed at on here from other BS.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879 |
<--FWW  WELCOME! You might get some 2X4's but as long as you are remorseful on what you did...you'll be fine...this is the best site to be on if you are working to recover your marriage!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803 |
We can't help you if you don't share your story.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I have a long story and it has taken me a long time to open my eyes. I am still hurting and I dont want to be fussed at on here from other BS. As long as you keep it honest and unfoggy then you shouldn't have any problems. But I will warn you in advance that fogbabble has a short shelf life here, from both BS' and WS'. You should be fine as long as you stay away from that. Welcome to Marriage Builders!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I have a long story and it has taken me a long time to open my eyes. I am still hurting and I dont want to be fussed at on here from other BS. Generally speaking, most folks will only fuss at stuff that you are currently doing wrong. Not beat you over the head for stuff you did in the past.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Welcome to MARRIAGE BUILDERS
The longest journey begins with the first step.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I have a long story and it has taken me a long time to open my eyes. I am still hurting and I dont want to be fussed at on here from other BS. Generally speaking, most folks will only fuss at stuff that you are currently doing wrong. Not beat you over the head for stuff you did in the past. And of course the reason for that is because they want you to recover. Marriage Builders is a behavior approach, which means among other things that you change your behavior FIRST, and feelings follow. If you are currently doing something or telling yourself something that is causing you or your spouse damage, you can expect to be called on it, and if you try to argue the point, you can expect to be fussed at. But if you are telling about things you did in the past, things you now realize are wrong, you can expect support.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 658
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 658 |
Generally speaking, most folks will only fuss at stuff that you are currently doing wrong. Not beat you over the head for stuff you did in the past. I agree with Markos. Just posting here is a start but in order to help you we need to know what is going on. If you are not sure where to start how about answering some basic questions. How old are you and your BS? How long have you been married? Do you have children? Are you currently in an Affair? Does your BS know about the affair? How long is/did the Affair last? How did you meet the OP?
W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
LINK to common MB acronyms and abbreviations.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 658
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 658 |
The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.  I just noticed this.
W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
The folks who get 2x4s are those who engage in inappropriate self pity [a favored tactic of wayward wives], rationalizations, complacency, fogginess, thoughtlessness of their victims, lack of humility, defensiveness, dishonesty..... That is to wave a RED FLAG in front of a BULL around here!  Mel da Bull!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058 |
That is to wave a RED FLAG in front of a BULL around here! Mel da Bull! And dat ain't no bull...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965 |
The folks who get 2x4s are those who engage in inappropriate self pity [a favored tactic of wayward wives], rationalizations, complacency, fogginess, thoughtlessness of their victims, lack of humility, defensiveness, dishonesty..... That is to wave a RED FLAG in front of a BULL around here! Mel da Bull! Don�t romanticize the adultery or the adultery partner. That induces a mass gag reflex here. Oh, and never use the term �solemate� regarding your adultery partner. Don�t bash your betrayed spouse to offer justification for your choice to commit adultery. The people here have very good BS meters so lying or half truths are at your own risk.
Last edited by chrisner; 07/02/10 02:58 PM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
See what I mean? You will only get fussed at if you are currently doing something which is damaging to yourself, your marriage, your spouse, your family. Like all of the examples above. Doing the things mentioned, saying the things mentioned, feeding yourself the messages mentioned ... all of those will tear down you and your spouse.
You can expect support. Support to help you change your behavior if needed in order to have a better marriage. Support and sometimes even commendation for positive changes you have already made.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 13
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 13 |
ok i just posted my story. Its long.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I was a ws and I am trying to recover. Please dont be to hard on me.
I have been in a long term affair off and on for 5 years. I am trying my best to do away with om. He feels like an addiction to me and I dont want to fall back into it. I feel really horrible for what I have done and I wish i could take it back. It has done nothing but cause a lot of pain for everyone involved. Here is my story.
My hubby and I have been together for 18 years. Married for 15. A lot have happened thru the years. I dont blame my husband for what I have done but I do want to tell u a little about our lives so maybe you can understand how we got to where we are.
Before we got married, I found out that my husband had been meeting his ex-girlfriend. He swore to me nothing happened but she said it did. She would leave him alone and he had to end up getting a restraining order against her to stay away from him. I still dont know the truth about what happened but I loved him and forgave him.
My husband is a very jelouse man. He would try to control me and after we got married it got worse. He verbal abused me and sometimes it would push me and slap me. He never bruised me up or anything but I did leave him and would always come back. I loved him so much. I ended up pregnant and after my daughter was born he screamed and yelled a lot. He couldnt stand for her to cry. We were not doing well at all.
When she was 6 months he pulled over for a prostitute. He didnt got thru with it but I was so hurt and the whole town knew what happened. I took my daughter and left him. He begged and begged me to come back and I ended up forgiving him. He was better.
Years later i got pregnant again. He did not want another child. He treated me horrible. I cried a lot. Then my baby girl died at birth. I hated my husband. I was planning on leaving him but I was so unstable at the time. I didnt want to get out of bed. I went to councelors.
Soon after all of that my husband's friend would call and we started talking. He was there for me. We talked for around 4 months and I broked things off. We had got real involved at that point. So then things started up again. Thats when we got sexual. That went on for around 3 months then we got caught.
I ended up leaving thinking my husband was going to kill me. I moved in with my cousin to get my head straight. I broke things off with om. He had already left his wife but I felt like i needed a clear head. OM was pissed off at me.
My husband asked me to come back home so I did and we tried and tried to work things out but my husband had went back to being verbal and mental abusive. It was so bad sometimes that when we were in the vehicle he would start acting crazy and driving nuts that I thought he was going to kill us. I stuck with it though because I wanted things to be better.
A year later i got a private call and when I answered the OM told me that he still loved me. He had went back to his wife but he was unhappy and he was leaving her for good. He kept calling me and I was stupid to talk but i thought i still had feelings for him. Things still were not good with my husband and I. He screamed at me all the time. Of course maybe I deserved it.
The om left his wife but I had decided that I couldnt talk to him. So everytime he called I ignored him and would not answer. 8 months later i saw him. He was with another girl. He ended up calling me and I answered. I felt like he was an addiction. I wanted to give him up but I dont know why some how he always pulled me back n. This time i thought maybe we could be friends. Because he told me that he really liked this girl. He wouldnt flirt with me or anything but he would call every now and then and check on me. Maybe once every month or two.
Then n Jan 09 he started calling more and flirting and i got swept right back in. Then he got mad at me and told me to call him when I left my husband. So 3 months later he calls me again and tells me how much he loves me and he wants me to leave and he wants to leave his livin girlfriend. We talked for around a month and then we just stopped talking for some reason.
Then things started getting better with my husband. I didnt talk to OM from Nov until April. Things started getting better with husband. He was better than he had ever been but I wasnt sure if I loved his or not. I was so confussed.
Then in April OM started calling me again. Him and his girlfriend was getting married. He told me that he had tried and tried to get over me but he couldnt. That he loved his girlfriend but he loved me more.
Now since we had been caught, we only talked never met or anything until this last time. . We talked from April until middle of June. I knew that I needed to leave my husband because i was not going to do this again. I ended up meeting him.
He tried to have s_x with me but I told him no that we couldnt do that. The next day he was acting weird to me. Very distant. The next day after I felt it again. So I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I said do you think we need to just break this off once and for all? He said I think that would be for the best. He said I still love my girlfriend and I need to see whats going to happen with us. I told him that i needed to get my head on straight. That i felt like he was an addiction. I told him that I would never bother him again. I cant believe he thinks he loves his girlfriend but is trying to mess with me. My friend told me that I needed to get my head on straight because it was a pattern for him and she believes that he will call again and I need to be prepared to let him go and not be swept in again.
I know i have done some horrible things. The thing is is that I dont know if Im in love with my husband. I do love him but Im so confussed.
I know that I want to let other man go because he is messed up in the head like me. I also do know that what I have done is horrible and that I do want to fall back in love with my husband. I dont know how too.
Last edited by Pepperband; 07/02/10 03:48 PM. Reason: Paragraphs created for improved readability
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
268
guests, and
55
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
