I weighed myself today.

Im back at 200 lbs exactly. I was at LEAST 230 on D-day 2 months ago to the day.

I ran for 50 minutes yesterday. Id guess around 4 miles. Was pretty good.

I should be under 200 by my next weight watchers weigh in day on monday. Gonna be nice crossing the mental block of 200 pounds.

Back to buisiness.

Plan B letter is written. Im mentally prepared.

One questions. Do you think its appropriate to take her out to dinner first or just go home and have the final go no go on the marriage for I give her the PB letter?

As a FWW myself, I say don't take her out to dinner. Cut her off. I agree with the others, she has no respect for you because you keep throwing yourself at her and looking weak and helpless. Give her the note and walk away. She doesn't want you to be nice to her. And when she does, it's only to take advantage of your weaknesses and kindness. She's using you! She even thinks that she wants you to cut her off and leave her alone. When you finally go dark, she will start to realize what she has done, but as long as you keep coming back to her with your tail between your legs, she will NEVER respect you and what you have been doing to save your marriage. She will continue to sit on the fence and play you for a fool. You really look pathetic to her. I know that's not what you are trying to do and it's really because you love her and you are hurting, but trying to reason like that with a WS does NO GOOD AT ALL. Go dark...NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. I can guarantee you that if my H had done things the MB way back then, we would have gotten back together much sooner and our recovery wouldn't be near as difficult as it has been.

Hang in there.

PG01

What is the purpose of taking her out to dinner?
Yeg, you have lost control of this relationship, and nothing you do at this point is going to get you control back except taking it back. The only way to do that is to go to Plan B.
You are kinda being a sucker here, Yeg. She has been using this same trick on you for a very long time, and she has the routine figured out.
Would you rather live with the same messed up situation for another couple years and then have her cheat on you again? Or would you rather get this overwith and possibly have her come back a willing participant in this relationship?
You can do it. Just ballz up and do it. It's what you BOTH need.

Well today was the soft deadline she had to give me an answer on if she is staying or going. I was going to give her that chance to get off of the fence on her own.

I was afraid to just walk right in and ask her. So i was going to offer dinner first. I guess it was one last PA attempt.

I will forgo it though. Wont mean nothing in the end anyways.

So ive got my envelope ready to go. Time to go home. Ill give yall an update later tonite.

PA is short for physical affair, not plan A.

hardly the point, though, is that, you think?

i'm dying of suspense. hope it goes as well as possible. we're all praying for you, YEG. keep us posted.

speaking of posted, i posted that thing on my thread.

How did it go YEG? We need an update.

**edit**

**edit**

Rn..in front of YEG,

I apoligize to you.

I just hope he is okay.

Tom

Im ok guys.

I cant post long. Things went very very weird and not in according to plan but nothing else does either.

Its a VERY long story taht I will post tommorow or when I have time to do it justice but it appears we are on a path to recovery.

Yea im as shocked as yall.

Anyways I need to get back to my WIFE. I slept in the bed and held her for the first time in MONTHS last night. I also got a kiss for the first time in probably half a year.

Ill keep yall updated.

Sorry aboutt he PA for plan a. Saw others use that and thought I would too.

FYI if your wife is a former electronic surveillance technician for the federal government dont try to put a keylogger on her computer.

let me be the first to say WHOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
congratulations, YEG!!! ENJOY, WW/NN!!!

LMAO!!

I would be cautious. Ths PLan B only lasted one millisecond.

RN:

As you know some women can act in a loving manner even when they don't feel it. Nothing wrong with that if it becomes a habit.

YEG:

We will follow along with you. We pray to God for a good outcome,

Cautious is not the word. Its almost like im walking an even finer line than before. Its like its hanging ona string and im worried that even the smallest mistake will push her away.

Right now its really good. The long weekend came at a perfect time. Its still very weird since SOO much has happened. All im doing is trying to take care of her and meet her needs still. Im holding off all of the relationship stuff till I can get steve for an appointment.

There is alot of crap that went on friday night and ill share it all. Just cant till I got like an hour to put it all down.

[/quote]
Right now its really good. The long weekend came at a perfect time. Its still very weird since SOO much has happened. All im doing is trying to take care of her and meet her needs still. Im holding off all of the relationship stuff till I can get steve for an appointment.

There is alot of crap that went on friday night and ill share it all. Just cant till I got like an hour to put it all down. [/quote]

Hang in there, YEG. Like you, I am in a pretty confusing time in my situation, too. But, all I know is..if I work on ME, everything will work out like it's supposed to. (They weren't lying when they said this stuff is hard!) You and your family are in my prayers!

You should NOT be the one walking the line. YOU should be the one raising the bar. You would NOT want a FR. I have been told that those are WORSE than the original DDay.

What are the conditions that you have set for her? Where is that BAR? Don't lower it Yeg. You don't want a marriage at ALL costs. You need to set the bar HIGH. Please be careful.

Well I can tell you D-Day #2 was WAY easier than D-Day #1. Here is the 2 min version.

Just before I went to give her the last chance to recommit and give her the Plan B letter I felt the need to check her purse. While I did I bumped something hard in an outside cell phone pocket.

I opened it and I found her affair phone.

Quick scan of it showed he had contacted her after I called his command through a third party.

I looked through the texts and found 40 something from him and 14 from her. He had been fighting for her too.

Short of it I realized that they had met earlier that very day.

I went upstairs and after pinning her down she gave it up. SHe didnt believe I knew about the Aphone though. She accused me of fishing.

After that we started talking though. She quickly realized I still had a tracker on her car. She use to be in govt law enforcement.

I knew about her meeting him.

Later I confessed to her I had a keylogger on her computer. She had know about that almost instantly. She actually called the state law enforcement division to see the legality of it. That explains the frequent password changes.

Anyways we started talking. Kept talking. She thought I was gonna throw her out for sure. I told her that was NOT the case. I still wanted her to be my wife.

Anyways about that time she asked me what the envelope was for. i told her it was my Plan B letter. She has read SAA and she KNEW what that was.

About that time we went running together. We ended up driving all over the town looking for her favorite drink. We had a great night.

Apparently exposure had worked its magic. She had met him 2 times she said (matched up with the GPS logs). It was horribly uncomfortable. They had nothing to say in person. They were still talking on the phone though. I read the messages. Mostly him saying I love you baby again and again. There were some ILY back too.

In the end she just had realized that the WW/OM relationship was tainted. Between that and lieing to her parents about still contacting him she felt terrible.

She recommitted the marriage to me and we talked about EPs. I agreed for her to write a NC letter to him. She knows about the KL. The A phone was destroyed. She knows about the GPS now.

In the end though she is still very foggy. She is in love with 2 men still and she knows one of us is going to be VERY hurt. She wishes she could clone herself so both of us could be happy. I didnt bad mouth the OM. i was just a shoulder for her to cry on. She was also mad about me going back on my word of contacting the OM. She didnt know that he had called my work first.

We are planning a trip to College town USA this weekend just the 2 of us. We are looking for ways to get more in touch with each other. We both did alot of deceiving the last 2 months. We both see openness and honesty as key now.

Anyways thats the 10 cent version Ill flesh it out later.

YEG:

Do you realize it was quite obvious she was breaking NC?
It was obvious she was sitting in the fence and trying to keep both sides of the equation in a state of equilibrium.

However, this type of activity is not uncommon.

My WW was 100% dedicated to save the marriage and there was no "if or buts" that she would choose me over OM at all times. However, she felt awful about inflicting pain to OM and hence tried to provide some comfort to OM. Her OM also begged 24/7 and this has an effect in WWs that crave admiration.

I also learned that post D-day I LBd my WW 24/7 and she felt I was getting ready to divorce her. In other words she felt I could change my mind and see the lawyer. This made her to say enough encouraging words to OM in case her marriage did not survive.

In the end the only thing that works is hermetic NC.

I am worried that you have lost all surveillance, but as you will see--------------------------in the end it really does not matter. If she wants to break NC she will find a way.

YEG

Have you read This thread about FALSE RECOVERY?

FR = affair never ended or restarted during recovery


(deleted extra crap)

I don't know, Yeg. She has still kept her affair phone until yesterday when you found it. If you had not found it, she would still have it.

They are still texting with I love yous. They have met up twice in person very recently.

She TELLS you it's awkward. However, her actions speak a whole different statement.

I wish you luck, and I hate to be negative. But all of this seems contrived on her part and she's saying what you want to hear so she is not thrown out. And you are so desperate to have her back that it seems like no matter what she says despiter her actions, you'll just take it at face value.

But I could be wrong. And I hope I am.