My wife has been in an EA for around 10 months with one of my former soldiers who I had over right before he got out of the service. I have also separated recently and and have had to deal with a pretty bad case of depression which came from my experiences in the military. I was a pretty distant husband who was emotionally difficult and I played a big role in pushing away the person I love most in the world. She didn't tell me about how she felt about our marriage until 5 weeks ago. For 2 weeks, I did my best - Plan A style - to improve the problems that I had created in our marriage, while still being generally clueless about what she was doing. I let her take a trip to go camping with OM and his family at a Nascar race as part of me showing that I could trust her. While she was there, she raised her EA to a PA. When she got home, I just had a feeling something was wrong and I looked in her cell phone and found a couple messages which made it clear what had happened. I talked to both her and OM and got to the truth. The next day I went and saw a psychiatrist and got on anti-depressants. I found this site and read SAA and have worked hard on Plan A for three weeks. She refuses to stop OM and doesn't want to reconcile, even for the children. I have improved myself so much in a few weeks that I'm proud of how I've overcome problems which dogged me for years. I'm a better father and husband, with emotional stability that I haven't had in years. Despite my efforts, she maintained her resolve and still believes that she doesn't want a divorce due to her affair. I've exposed the affair to everyone I think can do good for the situation, but WW doesn't want to talk to anyone other than OM. This past week, I blocked his number on our cell phones and installed a keylogger. The day after I shut the cell phones down, I found that she had IM'd him while I was at work, with the kids at home, and he was playing with himself on the camera, with my kids in the room. This kind of pushed me over the edge, so I sent her to her parent's house last night as a possible start to Plan B, but I'm torn what to do. I love her so much and she doesn't see what she's doing at all. I just need some help where to go.

Please read the articles here.

Plan A is about being cheerful but rejecting anything that will promote unfaithfulness.

Your wife should not be allowed free access with OM. Expose to those that will help the situation.

Please look up "The carrot and the Stick" in the Notable Posts section.

READ!!

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

I assume that you've also informed her parents of this event?

If I was in your shoes, I'd be contacting my lawyer and taking steps to protect myself and the kids financially and otherwise.

It's funny how much things can change in a short time. I did expose all of it to her parents and I guess it was just what was needed. She called him yesterday and broke off contact with him. I think it blasted a lot of the fog off and she came home for a while last night to be with the kids.

She confronted me after my daughter said something to her about a boyfriend and was pretty mad that I had told the kids. She used a couple classic lines about not being able to trust me and that there's no hope for our marriage. I've finally started to be able to let that stuff slide off my back and move forward. I'm happy that there's hope and hopefully I'll be able to start to meet her needs again. She's got a lot of walls built up right now and I'm doing my best to stick to Plan A and show her that I'm a man worth sticking with. It does hurt me to see her hurting so much right now, but I'm hopeful that time can heal those wounds and I'm gonna do my best to be there to help her out. I'll keep you all posted on how it's going cause I've learned so much here and I'm pumped to think that I could get my life back.

you need to tell more people!

Is the om married? if so tell his wife
Friends
All of the family

You can't trickle the exposure, it wont work, she will still contact the OM, she will just try to hide it even more.

So keep SNOOPING! Never stop!

Don't let her know you are snooping, or never confront her when you find out she is still contacting the OM.

Just stick to your plan A, then start preparing for plan B.

Yesterday was a really good day for me. I'm really dedicated to trying to meet her needs while she's entering her withdrawal period, since it appears that she's sincere in breaking off her affair. I've been sending her a morning text and emailing her at work with a joke and an update on the kids. I'm trying to show her that I'm still the flirty guy that she married.

She went out for pizza with her friends after work last night and got some groceries. When she got home, around 10:30, we sat and watched some TV and ate some of the tasty goodness she picked up. We laughed together and had a good time. As often as I can, I leave her a little poem on her toothbrush so she'll find it before she goes to bed. When she got up to go brush her teeth, I went out to smoke and when I came in, she asked me why I still do that. I told her it's just my way to communicate with her. She told me that she wants me to stop with the pet names and what not. I just smiled back at her, although it kinda hurt. After she got in bed, I went to the living room, but I wanted to let her know how I felt. So, I went to her and put her hand on my heart and asked if she could feel my pain. Then I put my hand on her heart and told her I can feel her pain and that makes up kindred spirits. Not sure how that goes over with her, but I'm just being honest. Am I being too aggressive in meeting her need for affection or what? I go for IC today and that should be good. I'm so much happier than the last time I went and I need some advice on what to do next.