BS is betrayed spouse. Unbelievable OW tried to friend you on FB!!!

I understand about the ILs...a very painful part of this. My MIL wants to be 'friends' but she will not speak of anything at all to do with the A (they deny), WH leaving, or him filing for D. Difficult to be 'friends' with someone who won't acknowledge the big, stinkin' elephant in the room. I know she's just desperate to maintain a relationship with her son and our DD, just as your IL's probably are. You cannot take it personally, even though it feels very personal.

Yes. My MIL actually got angry with me for inferring OW was anything more than a roommate of WHs. She went on and on about how she was a lesbian, and lesbians don't change. All the while he already admitted to long term affair with her in his interrogatories. Now she is the new DIL to be. I think if more ILs stayed conntected with their BS ILs, then maybe relationships would be different. Maybe WH would have gotten his own place instead of moving my kids in with OW.

Pretrial Wednesday. Trial at the end of the month. Made him the offer but he hasn't responded so we're going to court. Wants it all, and to pay nothing. We'll see how this goes. Thought of finally being in a room with him and OW together makes me sick to my stomach, but my attorney said I had to subpoena her. Wish me luck and that this nightmare is over soon.

All I have built for the past 14 years is gone. Not much left to lose I guess. Still, wish me and my kids luck.

Well, I don't believe in luck but I do believe in prayer so I will be praying for you.

Walk into that court room with your head held high and know that God is with you. In fact, He is actually way ahead of you and already knows the outcome and His plan is for your good, not for failure.

What the enemy has intended for harm, God intends for good. Let God be your Vindicator and when the time comes, trust that He will bring justice.

I will be praying for you as well. (((fellspointmom)))

fellspoint,

Your situation sounds a like like mine. I could some good advice under my thread in the Dating/relationships forum. I think it is called "what to do when OW becomes stepmother". MY OW was a bi-sexual and basically a joke at ex-H's office until he started sleeping w/her. She habitually went to strip bars to look at women. I have a graphic email that she sent my ex-H of a tryst she had w/ a woman in our bed (she was house-sitting while we were out of town). Anyway, the advice I got before D and now that OW and EXH are married w/ an OC and another child of their own, is that OW is the future. She will be a part of your children's lives. I had already met OW before the A, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to meet your OW now. My children don't know their step-mom is a homewrecker. They were too young to understand when it happened. So far, I have only spoken to OW once since my divorce and it wasn't that bad. Please read my thread...it is OK to meet her, but keep in mind that your H and OW are trash and they live in the gutter. You need to stay out of the gutter, so you speak politely and then quickly move on. In one post i called it "poise practice". if you can handle this w/charm and grace, you can handle anything.

As for the in-laws, mine too seem to have latched onto OW. My exMIL did call me early on to tell me that this wasn't fair to me, that I did nothing to deserve this. She added that she loves her son and wants him in her life, but that she hopes I realize that he "wasn't raised this way". Your MIL, like mine is in a tough spot. However, blood is thicker than water and they have to accept their son, brother, uncle whatever he is to them despite his faults.

Good luck, and you will be better off. These days it takes all my resistance not to simply tell OW that she really did me a favor! You will want to do the same thing someday, I promise you that, but doing it will only put you closer to that gutter.

Fellspoint, this is your chance to show what you're made of. OW is a scumbag, whether others know it or not. You do, and that's what will hold you together.

I had to take my WXH to small claims court last year. The procedures are very specific - you have to serve the defendant in person. This meant I had to go to their house and risk facing OW. I agonized over this and even delayed filing my suit in order to avoid it. Sure enough, she was the one who answered the door. I have never seen anyone so flabbergasted in my life. She could barely utter a word - she was literally shaking in her shoes. I was the last person she expected to show up on her doorstep. She was an utter wreck. I realized right then and there that I already HAD the high ground and that she exists only in my shadow, regardless of how things may appear on the outside. I will never fear her again.

And interestingly enough, she has never, ever come to another one of my baseball games. WXH used to bring her to these, mostly to throw her in my face and antagonize me. I was generally able to ignore her but it still bothered me. I haven't seen her at one since that day and I'm pretty sure I never will.

Whether she's the step-mom to your kids or not, you have no obligation to her whatsoever. You can still insist your WH be the one to bring the kids back to you - she has no right to be on your property. I'm not saying cause a scene or even be rude - you don't need to be. Simply tell your WH that OW is not welcome at your home and keep her away. OWH in my sitch is dealing with the reverse of this. OW sent my WXH to his house to pick up their DD and OWH told him to leave. Eventually, OW had to come herself. As an intersting side-note to this, OW went postal on OWH and ended up charged with assault and now has a restraining order against her and a court-appointed mediator. The mediator (her sister) is getting sick of her crap and now OWH is dealing with WXH directly. Methinks WXH has been on the receiving end of OW's psychosis a few times now. Ah, to be morally bankrupt enough to destroy your life and everyone else's along with it - and in "LUV". Blech!

THANKS!!! I needed to hear much of that. When you're treated like a doormat long enough, you start to feel that you're the "low one" of the group. I needed a reminder that my behavior has always been classy and I have earned the right to hold my head up high. I have also earned the right to not initiate any type of relationship with OW. At least not now, maybe not ever. I am giving myself permission to not have to deal with that at this point.

Thanks again for the prayers and well wishes. I'll post how the pretrial goes.

Custody issue is over! He walked in refusing to give me anything as far as property goes and still demanding full custody. Then the mental evaluations he insisted on and Best Interest Attorney for the kids that he also insisted on came in. Made it clear it would not go his way at all in litigation. So...

I get full physical custody. We share joint legal with me having the deciding vote in an impass. Jerk was actually pissed, but it's a done deal.

Interestingly enough he asked questions about what happens if he moves far away, as if he has been planning a move for a while now. Also asked what happens if he cannot give the 90 days notice required before a move. Sound as if he'11 be gone soon, and will be taking OW with him presumably. For some stupid reason, I was actually sad at the prospect of him leaving. I guess it's truly over.

Good for you. Good for your kids.

This will be the best for your kids though if he moves you are then going to have to deal with the logistics of visitation long distance. Was it in the orders that he will have to pay for travel expenses if he moves?

BTW, congratulations on your win. I know this all hurts. (((fellspointmom)))

Great news fellspointmom!! I know there will be fallout to deal with but what a huge weight off your shoulders for now!

You are feeling sad now because the anxiety has lifted and allowed it to come through. You've been holding it in while this issue was at the forefront. It's perfectly normal to be emotional now. (((HUGS)))

Kids were at WH and OW house last night, so I was very tense when the caller id showed my WH calling late at night. It was my DD(5) on the other end, crying, scared because she missed me. I sang to her, went through our usual "bad dreams/good dreams" chant, and helped her think of a good dream she should have that night. She apparently drifted off to sleep calmly after that. Got a text from my WH that I was a good mom, and that DD was really missing me.

I thought for a second, what a lucky coincidence that this happened (for the first time) right after I got full custody, otherwise he probably wouldn't have had her call me for some TLC while he was fighting to declare me unfit. But then I realized, of course this has happened before. It explains a lot with DD.

All this time I'm thinking that WH and OW appear to be the REAL family to DS and DD and over here is the broken home with the broken single parent. What I didn't see all this time, even tho all the evidence was there all along, they miss their mommy when they're over there. That they want to be with me.

I'm sooooo happy he didn't get to leave the state with my kids.

Onto the property trial next week! I'm feeling lucky!

Well, it seems that OW raising my kids going forward is less of a possibility due to some very strange developments.

Just after nailing out visitation schedule in which I offered him more time with the kids, he announced he was leaving Maryland and moving to Florida. Immediately. His comments regarding the new, court ordered visitation schedule that we paid big bucks to work out? "Obviously, this changes visitation and we'll just have to play it by ear." In other words, he's abandoning his kids. Again. He hasn't told them, is leaving that to me. Again. They will be crushed. And I will need to figure out how to be a single parent with NO time off, no breaks, no support other than financial.

The property settlement he outright refused a week before, he is now offering back to me, and then some. Along with threats of filing bankruptsy. Between the bakruptsy, the complete lack of support regarding visitation, and a brand new salary that we haven't had time to consider, I can hardly agree to the offer he is now trying to shove down my throat so he can wipe this old life off the bottom of his shoe and start over. Court is in one week. I am looking forward to this roller coaster ride ending.

fellspointmom, I am sorry about all this new stress. My guess is that except for the stress of being the sole parent, you are going to be much better off and so will the kids. I am so very sorry that they will once again need to deal with this man's selfish and immature behavior.

fellspoint, just read through all of your posts. So sorry for what you are going through.

Your WH needs to fall, and fall hard.

He is setting himself up for this all by himself. He might as well be driving the Karma bus down the hill

Moving out of state and in financial mess

How does he get his kids back and forth for visitation?

I would request that he not be allowed to take them out of state in case he tries to keep them out of your jurisdication.

OW - a Lesbian, so your WH is the flavor of the month. It is trying to mix apples with oranges. Doesn't mix. How long before she leaves him for another woman?


Get a good support system to find some "me" time for yourself.

You sound like a great mother and have to remind yourself everyday that your children are blessings.

He lost out.

Thanks Hope. He doesn't see his kids and there is no plan. I tried to encourage him to get on a plane a few times a month for visitation but that just enraged him even more.

Don't think she is flavor of the month. They've been together since fall of 08 and have both cashed in on everything they had to be together. Seems like a crazy thing to do if it's not love.

One recent development. The OW shared custody of her DD with her former partner, who adopted DD at birth. 50/50 living arrangements. I just found out WH and OW took her DD to FL without any word to DDs other mom. Other mom is devastated and fighting it.

Not sure how I feel about him seeing my kids and taking them to FL for any visits knowing that these two basically steal kids away from loving parents.

Lots of pain and suffering caused by these dirty little affairs.

Fells,

I am sorry that you are suffering. I know if feels like you've been left behind, and I certainly felt that way too for quite a long time. If your XWH thinks that running to Florida is going to help him lose himself, well then surprise, he is going to show up wherever he goes. Waywards crack me up. They can't escape themselves no matter how hard they try.

And he's with a lesbian that has a child with another woman? That's sure a recipe for disaster. I agree with Hope. How long is it going to take for her to cheat on him with another woman? As a friend of mine would say - that situation is a goat rodeo.

Look at yourself as the winner here. Your XWH has some major issues....

The silver lining here is that he now has a history of taking children away from their legal parent, so you'll have leverage to keep visitation supervised and local.