[quote=YEGUghh this sucks. I hate feeling manipulated but Im starting too see your point. Damn it.[/quote]

THAT is exactly why we wanted you to see how we are seeing it!! Because she is cake-eating!

Talk to her tonight, and see if she will follow through and repair the marriage if not...KICK HER @$$ our NOW!!

Yeg, I hope you do start to see the light. She has not committed to the marriage. She has gotten legal advice and she wants you to take back your divorce startings. She wants you to lower her salary cap so you'll pay more in child support. Do you see how well she is covering herself?

She cannot forecast that she will never get a job making that much.

We all have to lie in the bed we make. When we make bad decisions, we have to pay the piper. I'd still go for full custody. And I sure wouldn't lower her wages to 25K. She's feeling way too entitled here.


Yeg, please listen to all this advice you're getting. You're getting a ton of advice fromm FWW. If you're going to listen to anyone...listen to them.

You should be mad at this point and refusing to get treated like you are by your WW.

If WW is smart (and she comes across as very smart to me) she will do what most people would do, which is: think ahead.
After the divorce - and she has clearly been stating that she is afraid that if she recommits the marriage is going to fail anyway - she must assure she has an income and she will probably want to keep the child of course.

FACT
WW has stated that she is worried that the marriage will end in divorce even if she does try

FACT
WW is smart enough to debug the house, get the log of the computer and have an affair phone which you haven't been able to detect for as long as this is going on (so much for your snooping abilities, Sherlock!)

FACT
In plan B, wife is without home and child - suddenly she has a
change of heart and wants to come back in the house (but not much else). This just so happens to help her custody case (just in case of course, she can't be that calculating can she?!)

FACT
wife wants to know how much longer it will take before the, for her so unfavorable, divorce claim expires. (Just because she wants to stay together, it is unimaginable that she is just putting up with me for a few weeks extra, because of a better divorce settlement for the next xty years???!)

FACT
wife wants to lower her end of the deal to 25k (just because she loves me so much of course and because we are not going to get a divorce anyway, right? It couldn't be because she is calculating her new net income which I will be paying from my oh so steady job right??!!! She wouldn't cuddle up to me to save herself from living in a tiny apartment with no money for the next 40 years, would she? I mean, some women would even go to such lengths as to throw in sf for that, but... not she... not my sweetheart?!
After all she has only been affairing on me for the past four years out of 5. And she is sorry.. Deep inside she is a decent person, isn't she?!)

FACT
If you drop the divorce, or the time expires, the ball is in her court. If she is interested in reconciliation she wouldn't be interested in the time frame anyway.

FACT
She is not acting as someone who is honestly putting in even
the slightest effort. Everything has to come from your side.

QUESTION
How does she treat people which she considers to have been mean to her, or how does she get her way with people who are her enemies? Does she yell at them in their face, or does she sneak around until she has what she wants? You should know her by now. This is important, because that is just how she is going to be treating you.

If you haven't got it by now, you are the greatest threat to her so far wonderful life. You can take away her house, her standard of living, her child possibly, her husband and her boyfriend.
She would be a fool, not being nice to you and my bet is, she is smarter than you.

come on YEG, we all want you to make this work.
Man up. You have been seen to show courage before.
This is your only chance to decide on your life in 20 years from now.

You either want a wife that is fully committed or a new wife that loves you and wants to make YOU happy.

NEITHER IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU GO ON LIKE THIS, YOU FOOOOOOOL!

Puleeeeeze think about this:

if she is not sincere you will not even have the money to support a new wife/family because you will be working 24/7 for a woman that wasn't good to you and a child that you only see every other weekend.

if she is sincere, and she commits under these conditions, your marriage might even be worse than how it was in the last 4 years.

Ten years from now, you will be pulling your (all grey of course) hair out for not seeing this.



The light at the end of the tunnel you are so eagerly running into, looks rather like a train in this case.


You need our prayers. - Do not jump off the bridge just yet when you finally see it, because there is still hope!

bleh page 67 is blocked.

OK. This is finally sinking in a bit.

Im just going to stay as is atm. Im going to wait till I talk to steve to do anything else.

Talked to my lawyer. Apparently reconciliation agreements are pretty complicated. She said anything we wrote up would not be valid in court anyways.

I'm not sure why you need a reconciliation agreement drawn up by a lawyer. ?

Why don't you just legally divorce her and if she finally decides at some point that she wants to reconcile, she has to agree to all your conditions for reconciliation.

I remember one WS that posted here whose husband was a lawyer and made her accept a legal divorce where she signed away everything as a condition for taking her back. I think that may be Mrs. Vanilla? Either way. THAT is how you drive the train and get your WW to agree to YOUR conditions for reconciliation. That BS did not screw around.

He is not going to make it. YEG, you are being played like a fiddle and are headed towards disaster unless you wake up. There is nothing we can do for you if refuse to get off the train tracks.

Yeg, look at it this way, if you came up with a Plan B and stuck it out this time and she moved out, this is what would happen....she would them for the first time realize that you would no longer be in her life that has not happened yet and she has not had to feel what that would be like.....my guess is that she is thinking about you being different now and probably is a little torn about what she wants, she has had a little taste of the you she wants, this is exactly what you want her to miss....
Get your separation agreement ready and then have her move out, tell her that you cannot continue working on your relationship as long as she is involved with the OM...Tell her you deserve more than she is giving you and that you are willing to let her go so she can be happy.....
If she has been thinking at all about a future with you this will scare her, the thought of you being gone for good will force her to make her mind up once and for all, she has had enough time......Yeg, it's time OM or you.....
Make sure she knows it's all or nothing, no more thinking about it......
Even if she picks the Om, stay dark, don't contact her and let it just play out, affairs never work out, it's all based on fantasy, they don't really want to fill all their needs, they just want the good parts.....it will fizzle out....then she will see that what she has done was her worst mistake...
She might realize if she picks him and gives you up that just might be to big a price to pay.....
I remember my husband saying to me in the middle of the fogginess that if he were to explore his feelings for his OW that he knew that he would lose me for good and that was the reason he just didn't continue with the affair.......I made it clear to him that this would be the outcome if he chose her, I told him I had enough friends and that I would never have anything ever to do with him again. He knew I was serious and left him to chose in the end, I went to the bank, changed all the accounts, drew up a separation agreement, which I pretty much made him sign.....told him this was his decision and that he had made his choices....our agreement had him leaving our home of 26 years, the boys would continue to live with me when they were home, I think the thought of losing his life as he had know it was enough and the thought of never having me around again wasn't worth it to him........OW had only been in his life for 6 months.
Trust in what you can offer her, a future a family and a man that will forgive her. I'm sure you are scared but you have to be tough and believe in yourself and what you have to offer..........

YEG:

Divorce her right away.

You can always take her back if she changes her tune.

Once you are divorce you can play all the scenarios you want with WW.

What do you have to lose?

Okay, Yeg. I learned something this weekend. You see, you are a Buyer. You figured that when you married it would be FOR LIFE. You are having a hard time letting go of this one. THAT is OKAY. Problem is, your WW ISN'T a Buyer. She is a FREELOADER in your marriage right now. She CAN become a Buyer, but that ISN'T what you have right now.

You need to see that you CAN move on and that you WILL NOT deal with a marriage where you have a FREELOADING wife. That will NOT be okay with you in the future. ALL OR NOTHING.

His wife, Stan-ley. He could lose his wife.

YEG, if you don't want to divorce, STOP THE DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS. Don't play the game of 'who blinks first'.

Plan B I can see - but you have a WW who is wobbling on the fence. You want to divorce her so she can see the error of her ways? That's not going to work for you.

YEG already lost his wife.

The divorce is for his own protection.


YEG already lost the wife whether there is a divorce or not.

He has already lost her. Now he stands to lose everything legally. He should NOT stop the divorce. If he plans on going into Plan B, which he should, he should protect himself legally.

He needs to go forward with the divorce in order to protect himself legally whether he wants one or not.. And then if she changes he can drop the divorce. But this way, he will be protected regardless of what happens.

If she changes after the divorce they can always remarry!

Where is johnstwin to prove it when we need her to be...

"If she changes after the divorce they can always remarry!"

Eactly, he doesn't get screwed in D court. Then they can recover with a prenup.

Here's what it looks like from where I'm sitting:
YEG, you started out pretty wussy. Nothing wrong with that - the business of being a BS takes some getting used to.

You Plan A'd your WW. Didn't work. (Probably because of the 'needy' nature of your actions.)

You start pondering the wisdom of D and share your thoughts with WW while she's playing single chick living with her parents. (And staying in contact with OM.)

You Plan B WW for about 5 minutes and fold the Plan like a tent in a windstorm when she starts making noise about returning to the M.

You have no Plan for recovery, but your threads all carry the same theme: You DO NOT want to D.

YEG, I think your WW began to see the light when you went to Plan B. I don't think you stayed in Plan B long enough. She appeared to become concerned because her life was becoming out of her control, and all of her selfish needs weren't going to be met. She tried to appease you in order to keep you and keep those needs being met.

She's been lying to you. She never ended contact with OM. I think you should Plan B her again, and this time make it a solid, stellar Plan B.

As far as the D goes - I suspect that your WW will accept that as the end of your time together. I don't think it will draw her back to you. If you must divorce her in order to protect yourself, I won't argue that with you.

I'm going to stand firm on this: IMO, your best bet is to Plan B your WW. I think you will lose her permanently with Plan D.

I wonder what happened last night with YEG and his wife...I really hope he talked to her, laying down what she needs to do to recover...and if she isn't....I REALLY hope he kicked her out and gave her his plan B letter.

YEG?? Any update??

I think he's locked her in a closet and he's not going to let her out until she agrees to NC. That way he has her at home like he likes her and she can't do any damage.

I kid. I kid.

I disagree with this. Divorce has never stopped a motivated spouse from getting back with her spouse, but it has prevented an entitled, destructive WS from destroying a BS legally. Filing for divorce will not stop her if she is sincere.

Filing for divorce and/or legal separation is always in order in Plan B to protect the legal interests of the BS. He should file for divorce and go into Plan B. It is not either or.