Just letting everyone know that it's over with R. I ended it a couple of weeks ago because I mainly knew that he was not over his divorce and that he was not 100% in the relationship any more. I could see how bitter he was even though it's been over 4 years now and how he was getting more bitter than less as time went by. I could see him being so obsessed with being this super dad. It seemed like we rarely got our own time because he was running them places even when it was her day to have them, but I always thought it wasn't as much about the kids as it was about him proving something to her...So...

He text me last weekend that I was basically running no matter how I spin it. And today he emailed me this pretty much confirming what I knew already:

A-

These situations always force me into a mode of introspection and reflection. I've spent the last few weeks asking myself many questions.

No matter my actions and efforts the first few months of our relationship, it all changed in August when XW told me she was still seeing OM and intended to make him apart of the kids lives.

Basically, I've been more focused on trying to be a bigger, better, more dependable parent than I have a boyfriend. It doesn't mean that I stopped loving you. For me, the rules changed in the middle of the game. I have this deep desire to beat her at parenthood, to prove her wrong in her subtle attempts to show the kids that I'm inadequate as a father.
By my focus moving there, many of my early efforts stopped and long term dreams became overshadowed.

That's it...in a nushell. I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I do wish the very best for you.

R

I did write him back, The short of it is that I hope he gets past his bitterness and that this is not healthy for him or his kids, which we have talked about before.

My heart is breaking but I know it will heal. I never believed in soul mates until he came along and then I was really just starting to change my mind. :-(

Anna :-(

I am sorry.

Anna---I am sorry this happened to you! It really is a bummer!!! Give yourself time to heal, you will and you will be stronger!!!

Dawn

Hi Anna,

I am really sorry to hear this, you guys seemed so very happy! I was really hoping that he'd be "the one".

His ex issues were becoming pretty obvious in your recent posts, so this is not a huge surprise to me. But it is still a heartbreak, and I am very sorry...

Take care,

AGG

I parrot what good guy says, I'm sorry you find yourself going through this. But I'm so proud of you for having the courage to do what you felt you must do. I don't think his ex should enter in to the equation as to what kind of a dad he is, he shouldn't be making comparisons or competing. He should be a good dad and a good SO both....one need not exclude the other.

Thanks everyone. He sent me an e-mail this morning and in it were these words...
A,

I've spent a lot of time thinking this through and trying to understand my actions or lack of action. I think I feel more of a need to compete with OM, not with EX.

The loss I feel is tremendous and I just can't interact with that right now.

R

That e-mail was basically relating to FB, he still has my pictures up, he still has us in a relationship...and he was saying he can't handle taking me off etc. right now.

So anyway, I have not responded. AGG, I thought he was the one too, but I think especially the last 2 weeks, as his daughter graduated, he became more obsessed. And you know, I know he was trying not to because he even told me not too long ago how he has got to stop because it is not healthy and his ex use to do it to him.

In so many ways, I understand that this was not just any OM, this was one of his friends...He doesn't want his kids around him and any chance he can take them away from him, he will...but there's a poison that is going to eat him up inside...and when does it stop..What about when he has Grandchildren? Will the need be there too?

KCS, Thanks for the sweet words. I am trying to be strong because I know that while I believe in working together as a partner to deal with things, I think he needs to deal with this one alone.

You know, honestly, I think he's just opened his eyes to what he has done and how it has festered and I am hoping it is the start for him to heal.

Thanks all. I have just really got to deal with my own sadness right now, but lots and lots of distractions and exercise is helping.

I'm so sorry, Anna. I was hoping this would work out. I admire you for making the decision you did. It took courage and wisdom. It just stinks when you don't have anyone to call up at night and share triumphs and tribulations.

Exactly. I talk to my dog, talk to myself, talk to my sisters, anyone who will listen to me.

really sorry to hear about this Anna. It will work out as it should...
((hugs))

Cold Turkey...That is what I call it since R and I broke up...The urge to want to be with him is still there as strongly as before. Is there any gum that cures this? A patch maybe? How about a shot??? I miss him a lot!

So sorry. You know the answer, the only thing that cures it is no contact. And it doesn't hurt to go out and flirt a little. Or repaint your house even though it doesn't need it. Or take up golf. Anything.

If your house doesn't need it, mine could use it! Just trying to help!

GG, Yes, just thinking with all the technology... surely! lol! And I am staying very busy. I know some day he won't be in my heart like he is now, but he certainly is now. As for flirting, I am not very good at that, I have had a couple of offers for dates but so far, I am avoiding that. I just wanted to give my heart time to heal first. Then too, I wonder if it will heal all the way until someone else fills that spot. Right now, I just don't think I want anyone filling it though.

KCS, if I run out of things, I will definitely keep you in mind. LOL

Thanks for the encouragement guys. :-)