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He HAS filed for divorce Mel, I think he was thinking about STOPPING the divorce now. I might be wrong, but that's what I saw. Yeg, if you think that you can, you really SHOULD do a FULLY DARK Plan B. Talk to Steve and see what he suggests but PLEASE be completely HONEST with what you are saying and what is going on. It will only BENEFIT you to be honest. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I suspect YEG's WW asked him not to post in MB anymore.
Stanley
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Can't know for certain, but if that is true, we all know who is driving that bus now.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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God, i hope not. i've followed this trainwreck for the last few days, but quit posting because i realized i was giving him terrible, hyper-optimistic advice. i HOPE he hasn't posted lately because he's been too busy laying down the law.
at any rate, i hope he doesn't get effed over re divorce. he's about the nicest guy on the planet, right? he deserves better. even if he's been warned a million times and couldn't bring himself to listen, i hate to think of what's happening to his family. eternal optimist that i am, i'd like to think he's out there telling WW what's what, and is prepared to protect himself if she balks. prayers for YEG's family, y'all.
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Yeg, thinking of you and your family, stay strong......post when you feel you can, we are all here with you and worried about you.......we have all been here in this moment.......
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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I disagree with this. Divorce has never stopped a motivated spouse from getting back with her spouse, but it has prevented an entitled, destructive WS from destroying a BS legally. Filing for divorce will not stop her if she is sincere. The reason I am so strongly suggesting Plan B is because I knew a WW who had an A and was unable to get off the fence. Plan B was pulling her back to the M. Then she got the D papers and decided it had gone too far to repair the M. They divorced. She regrets it to this day. That WW sounds a lot like YEG's. So we'll agree to disagree.  YEG, what's going on?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
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[
The reason I am so strongly suggesting Plan B is because I knew a WW who had an A and was unable to get off the fence. Plan B was pulling her back to the M. Then she got the D papers and decided it had gone too far to repair the M. They divorced. She regrets it to this day. That WW sounds a lot like YEG's. But again, if that WW had wanted to save her marriage, the divorce would not have stopped her. The reason she didn't repair the marriage is because she didn't want to. Wild horses would not stop a WS from repairing the marriage if that is their choice. Not doing this leaves him at great legal disadvantage for absolutely no good reason.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I knew a WW who had an A and was unable to get off the fence. Plan B was pulling her back to the M. Then she got the D papers and decided it had gone too far to repair the M Of course she has regrets. A relationship with OM in daylight is not the same as a clandestine relationship in secrecy. Her regret came too late-------and now she blames her ex H  .
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I'm going to stand firm on this: IMO, your best bet is to Plan B your WW. I think you will lose her permanently with Plan D. I disagree with this. Divorce has never stopped a motivated spouse from getting back with her spouse, but it has prevented an entitled, destructive WS from destroying a BS legally. Filing for divorce will not stop her if she is sincere. Filing for divorce and/or legal separation is always in order in Plan B to protect the legal interests of the BS. He should file for divorce and go into Plan B. It is not either or. I think some people seem to be drawing a distinction between Plan B and divorce that doesn't necessarily exist. Divorce is a legal tool that can be used to implement a Plan B. Separation is another available tool in some states. Early in the process it's entirely possible to not make a final decision about which end goal you have in mind, or to be open to both. And even in divorce, maintaining a Plan B-like level of separation from your ex-spouse, for your own good, seems like an excellent idea. Plan B is FOR YOU.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I disagree with this. Divorce has never stopped a motivated spouse from getting back with her spouse, but it has prevented an entitled, destructive WS from destroying a BS legally. Filing for divorce will not stop her if she is sincere. The reason I am so strongly suggesting Plan B is because I knew a WW who had an A and was unable to get off the fence. Plan B was pulling her back to the M. Then she got the D papers and decided it had gone too far to repair the M. They divorced. She regrets it to this day. That WW sounds a lot like YEG's. So we'll agree to disagree. YEG, what's going on? She regrets that her BS chose to end the marriage because of her adultery or she regrets that she couldn't WOULND'T get her [censored] off the fence? The onus shouldn't be on YEG in this instance. If his WW were here, you could tell her that story...it pertains to her. Divorce can happen when a WS fence sits. They didn't get divorced because HE did something. They got divorced because SHE did...and because she continued to fence sit...and cake eat. You cannot blame the BS for that one. Consequences for her actions...she was evidently willing to risk it. Decision was taken from her hands...as well it should be. committed
Last edited by committedandlovi; 07/08/10 09:28 AM. Reason: clarification
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Divorce is a legal tool that can be used to implement a Plan B. Separation is another available tool in some states.
. Exactly. Filing for divorce doesn't mean you don't go into Plan B. It means you do both. And yes, it is simply a legal tool used to protect the BS and her/his children. In most cases it makes more sense to just file for divorce instead of separation because if Plan B goes to 2 years, then you should just finalize the divorce and move on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MB, you realize that the BH filing for divorce didn't cause the divorce to be final. Sure, it was an action that lead to the divorce being final. What made it final was that BOTH apparently had given up. How committed to the marriage was the WW if she gave up because her betrayed husband chose to divorce? I can play speculation games too. What if she wouldn't have had the affair? What if she would have ended the affair immediately, before he went into plan B? I don't see how you can blame the BH for the bad choices of the WW? She had the affair, she didn't come back in time. Her fault, game over. I disagree with this. Divorce has never stopped a motivated spouse from getting back with her spouse, but it has prevented an entitled, destructive WS from destroying a BS legally. Filing for divorce will not stop her if she is sincere. The reason I am so strongly suggesting Plan B is because I knew a WW who had an A and was unable to get off the fence. Plan B was pulling her back to the M. Then she got the D papers and decided it had gone too far to repair the M. They divorced. She regrets it to this day. That WW sounds a lot like YEG's. So we'll agree to disagree. YEG, what's going on?
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Consequences for her actions...she was evidently willing to risk it. Decision was taken from her hands...as well it should be. Whoa - that's almost exactly what I told her! I guess my main point was that she had the decision taken from her hands when there was another way that might have kept them together. Her A was in the process of imploding when she got the papers. She thought she would be left with nothing, so she pulled the A back together. Wacky wayward, I know. But YEG's WW sounds a lot like her.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Consequences for her actions...she was evidently willing to risk it. Decision was taken from her hands...as well it should be. Whoa - that's almost exactly what I told her! I guess my main point was that she had the decision taken from her hands when there was another way that might have kept them together. Her A was in the process of imploding when she got the papers. She thought she would be left with nothing, so she pulled the A back together. Wacky wayward, I know. But YEG's WW sounds a lot like her. So how is that the fault of choosing divorce? In fact, it sounds like choosing to divorce this WW was the right thing to do. After all, if her concern was she'll have nothing, not how I've hurt my family, etc, then she was still wayward and not being drawn back into the marriage as you suggested, but being drawn back to marital assets that she didn't have.
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I guess my main point was that she had the decision taken from her hands when there was another way that might have kept them together. Which is why it would be beneficial to share this if it was the wayward spouse that was posting. I don't see the benefit of posting it to a betrayed spouse who is having a terrible time seeing the forest for the trees. committed
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After all, if her concern was she'll have nothing, not how I've hurt my family, etc, then she was still wayward and not being drawn back into the marriage as you suggested, but being drawn back to marital assets that she didn't have. I think she was beginning to defog when she got served, from the way she talked. That she was beginning to realize what she was losing by having her A. Then she got served and stayed with OM. Anyhoo - wacky wayward, like I said. Sorry for the t/j, YEG!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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After all, if her concern was she'll have nothing, not how I've hurt my family, etc, then she was still wayward and not being drawn back into the marriage as you suggested, but being drawn back to marital assets that she didn't have. I think she was beginning to defog when she got served, from the way she talked. That she was beginning to realize what she was losing by having her A. Then she got served and stayed with OM. Anyhoo - wacky wayward, like I said. Sorry for the t/j, YEG! Yeah, apparently it was the stuff based on what you indicated was her rationale for staying with the OM. It wasn't she was losing a great husband, it was she would be left with nothing. Not no one, but nothing. She missed what he could provide, but not him. It was good she got cut from the team. He made the right choice.
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This really isn't a thread jack. Instead, it demonstrates that if you create the crisis of filing for divorce, you can see what your wayward spouse is made of. You can see what she values.
If she fights to save the marriage, for the sake of not losing a spouse who is valuable to her, she's a keeper.
If she fights for the stuff, that she's afraid she's going to lose the stuff, the kids, the income, then she is not recovery material.
I see it more as a test of the character of the WW. The result of the filing depends heavily on her character. If she demonstrates good character, the divorce can be placed on hold. If she demonstrates wayward character, it can be allowed to run it's course at almost any speed.
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This really isn't a thread jack. Instead, it demonstrates that if you create the crisis of filing for divorce, you can see what your wayward spouse is made of. You can see what she values.
If she fights to save the marriage, for the sake of not losing a spouse who is valuable to her, she's a keeper.
If she fights for the stuff, that she's afraid she's going to lose the stuff, the kids, the income, then she is not recovery material.
I see it more as a test of the character of the WW. The result of the filing depends heavily on her character. If she demonstrates good character, the divorce can be placed on hold. If she demonstrates wayward character, it can be allowed to run it's course at almost any speed. I never thought about it, but you're right. Her throw-in-the-towel mentality says a lot.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!
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This really isn't a thread jack. Instead, it demonstrates that if you create the crisis of filing for divorce, you can see what your wayward spouse is made of. You can see what she values.
If she fights to save the marriage, for the sake of not losing a spouse who is valuable to her, she's a keeper.
If she fights for the stuff, that she's afraid she's going to lose the stuff, the kids, the income, then she is not recovery material.
I see it more as a test of the character of the WW. The result of the filing depends heavily on her character. If she demonstrates good character, the divorce can be placed on hold. If she demonstrates wayward character, it can be allowed to run it's course at almost any speed. Excellent point. In my situation, I filed for divorce immediately. He did nothing to stop the divorce..WH rolled over quickly on custody, but fought over alimony and property. It sure made it clear what he valued.
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