Why wait? Phone works right? And your WH IS always complaining that your kiddos don't call HIM enough. Let them call. If my DSx2 came uo and said they wanted to call their father, I would hand them the phone. No matter what time. Likewise, when they miss a call from WH, I ask them if they want to call, if they say no, I let it go. I shouldn't even ask them if they want to call, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least ask.

I do the same thing as you Scotty. I would hand them the phone too, Hope. My DS used to call my WH to get him an ice cream or somthing late at night...Most of the time my WH would get it...I think it was because he just wanted to see his father for a few seconds...Now my DS usually doesnt even call him anymore...you would think WH would be sad about that...oh well.

I'll let them know they can call him. It's forever between calls for him. Again, I cannot believe he kept that money!!!! All he does is lie to me, the children and to the OW. How does he live with himself?

My FIL said they will never give it to him again.

Well, DS11 spoke to WH and told him about our trip to FIL's house. DS11 asked about the Christmas money and WH said, "I don't know where it is; I can't find it with all that's been going on....plus it's been awhile." Yeah, 6 weeks is a long time.

DS11 said WH was concerned about FIL knowing about all this and asked how he knew. My DS11 said, "I really don't know."

My concern is WH will probably call FIL and gaslight them major and tell them I'm crazy, etc.

How badly does exposure hurt the chances of reconciliation? I exposed to them when I did to everyone else, but they are quiet and won't discuss it with him unless he brings it up.

WH also told DS11 that he wasn't going to bring them to the duplex until he sells his camper. Interesting that he won't take them there.

I know I'm in plan B, but I still get messages from my kids. Sometimes they don't share with me, but many times they do.

Tell them that you will talk to them about their feelings but that it hurts your heart sometimes to hear about Daddy. They will get that.

As far as your FIL, don't be worried about it. It also seems that pretty much every recovered marriage on these boards had exposure, so I would say that exposure does NOT hurt your chances at recovery. Don't second guess what you have done, it's crazy-making. I should know, I did it too.

Did I do enough? Did I say enough? Did I meet the correct ENs? Did I do a good enough job with my Plan B letter? Should he really never see me? All of these thoughts run through my head. I know intellectually that I did the best I could. Re-read your thread. Read some newbies threads and see how well you followed the MB plans. You have done GREAT. Keep it up.

When I say thing to you about improvements, it is just ways to help you. It in no way is saying that what you are doing is wrong. I am just helping you improve it.

I love your advice Scotty....I hope you will always post. I often feel like people want me to get over it already. I hate that I slip into these pits occasionally. Really though, I'm doing so much better.

Don't I know it. And soon, those people will start saying different things to you. As you become stronger and more centered, people will start saying this, "You are handling this all so well. You are doing the right thing." This is from the people who told me months ago that they would NEVER take their husband back if he cheated. What a compliment that is. I am starting to catch myself laughing more. I am actually letting myself have FUN again. You know what, it's okay. But I still miss WH sometimes. I even cry sometimes. But it is less often then when I feel, "Okay." And feeling OKAY is better than not feeling okay. KWIM?

I can see how I'm better off in plan B. I do wish I was in another city though. Maybe I would not worry about seeing him or talking to him. Now, he's going to be about 10-15 minutes away. This school year is going to be crazy. I hope I stay busy.

You are doing so well Scotty!!! I'm so glad you are here to help me through this.

I don't always feel like it though. And I am on here A LOT. I just try to help others. I have always felt good when helping others and knowing that I could make a difference in someone's life. That brings me true joy. Now if only I could figure out how to get paid for it.

My WH finally contacted IM to let him know that he'll pick up kids at 2:00. I'm seriously worked up though. He told DD that this would be their last weekend at the camper which says to me that he has sold it already. He hasn't contacted lawyer to take care of this, so I'm wondering what I should do.

Also, another added benefit of this mess.....all my hair is falling out!!! In addition to my already poor self-esteem...not I'm going to be bald. The weight keeps coming off though, so I can't complain too much:)

My hair fell out so much. Crazy huh? It will eventually balance itself out. On the plus side, I have these little whispies all over my head now(HAHAHAHA NO PLUS TO THAT).

Don't read into what he is saying to your DD. Let you lawyer know and get him to check into it. There is nothing you can do about it without knowing ALL of the info.

Exactly. This is an attorney matter, let him get to the bottom of it, if there is anything, and TRUST him to deal with it. That IS why you pay him you know-- so you don't have to WORRY and can have LESS stress.

Having a wonderful weekend!!! Just enjoying being with my parents.....I miss my kids; I've spoken with them 3-4 times since they went with WH.

I was even able to talk to my DD14 about doing a plan B on former boyfriend. We all know about jr. high drama; as a matter of fact, we deal with it in our own situations....LOL...on the wayturds side that is..

I told my daughter to plan B the old boyfriend. She was actually open to the idea....:) This way her x boyfriend and her x friend can keep the drama between the two of them and leave my DD out of it. Plan B is great for so many situations.

Well, it's been awhile since I posted and I'm feeling quite like an idiot. I broke plan B despite warnings. It started with my kids going to WH this weekend. My DD14 and DS11 were snooping on WH phone. DD and DS found numerous messages from OW including a final photo pic of her recent pedicure. Well, I had it and sent the following text to OW:

"Please stop your affair with my WH in front of my children; they are not stupid and they don't want to see your toes. How do you live with yourself?"

Then DD asked me if she could send a text to OW. I told her yes, but to not call names...just the facts and how you feel. My DD wrote the following:

"HI yea this HH. M's
daughter. I just wanted to
let u know that i don't
apreciate u and my dad still talkin. Like
seriously? What? Our family hasnt been torn apart enought for u!!!
I see the messages u and my dad send
to each other. Im 14 and iam most deffinately
not stupid. idk why you carry on to be with my father
because....u will
never be welcome in our family...not ever.
Does it make u feel good to kno that ur with a married
man? Well then shame on you. ur no christian. and if u
say ur then you r a fake
one. god is not with u!!!"
WH became angry and cussed and yelled at our children until they called and begged me to come get them. I went out there and of course saw hjim but didnt talk. FAst forward to the next day.




Anyway, I broke plan B because my IM texted me an undedited text and I became enraged. I texted husband back and told him I was not misinformed about the affair. AHe then sent a text asking what i really wanted. I of course told him that I wanted our family back and for him to come to recovery. Then surprisingly, he sent the following text:

"I will try a one shot meet.
No games, no bs. If you want to meet face to face, I will do it one time . Any
bs, or lawyer crap and I
will never make this effort again. If you do not agree to this, then fine"

I didn't understand exactly so I sent another text asking if this was a meeting to recover? Here is his response:

"I have thought about your question all night. I don't have an answer. I do know that we are headed toward a divorce. I do know that we are seperated, during this time. I do not know however, what will become of our meeting. I am however willing to meet with you this time. I feel that no matter how I feel, I shouod make th effort, It's completely up to you."

I was still confused and called him to hear his voice. He seemed authentic and maybe willing to talk.

More on nezt post

Yes, my situation was a disaster. The sad thing is that he had no intention for reconciliation. He just wanted to spin his stories some more and let me ask questions. When I tried to get past all that and see what his plan was for recovery, he wouldn't give me an answer other than to say he was trying to get past his pain (exposure). He wants the divorce and although he made claims to the fact that OW isn't his type, etc....he said he will no longer speak with her until the divorce is final. Basically he doesn't want me trying to mess with him and his pain.

When he tried to speak of spiritual things, he would say, "your God". He said, "I'm trying to force myself to read and pray everyday to see if your God will do something for me." I swear to you this is not the man I married. He also wanted to focus on how he tried to get me to change for years...ie my weight and my threats for divorce. I guess in the end, I am getting what i deserve.

The sorrow within me is so painful I can barely breath. I'm back at square 1 with complete hopelessness. I should have been more careful. Some of the things he told me:

1.I'm not going through this again
2.I was not emotionally attached to her until you exposed and then we had to talk and share feelings. I became more dependent on her because of what you were doing. Otherwise, it wasn't what I thought it was.
3. I'm just trying to survive my pain and make a place for my children to come.
4. He kept trying to make small talk about the children
5. He would not mention anything about hopes to recover.
6. Why didn't I listen when he tried to tell me his issues with me.
7. He deserves to be loved before he dies.

Hope
yes it was not a good idea to blow plan B. What you did by talking to the WH was to allow him to drag you into his sh"t, blame you for the A and for all his misery and then tell you there is no hope for the M.
All of the above was predictable and at this stage, if he had said anything else it would have truly been a miracle.
You WH saw the oppotunity to talk to you as a selfish way to deal with the kids without having to constatly use the IM.
He wants a direct line with you so he can manipulate you and abuse you, but since he is with OW (do not believe a word he says about him waiting to see her after the D) you have no place in his heart right now.
Just go back to a dark plan B and should you feel the urge to callhim just come to this forum and vent.
blessing

These are all the lies and blameshifting of a wayward mind. He is blaming his adultery on you.. He left for his affair, so it is a lie that separation "made him depend on the OW" more.

Back to a dark Plan B, hope! You will be fine. And the next time he tries get through, your IM can screen him for you.

And your IM needs to screen the communications better!

I'm so sorry you're hurting again but most of us could have told you before you went what was going to happen based on his wanting "one shot".

You caused some major conflict in their affair. I loved the fact that your daughter told her she would NEVER be welcomed.

I disagree, I think she strenghtened the A and did not make it weak.
The WH and OW thrive on having a common enemy and this is what actually fuels the A. The more you bash and marginalize the OW the more WH feels like the knight in shining harmor who needs to protect this poor innocent lovely victim from his bad bad wife and family...
blessing