I am still slowly going through Queenie's thread(in my down moments ).

Here is a quote from Jamesus that I would like to post here.


ETA: I used to say that I wish I would have found this place sooner. I am now GRATEFUL that I found it when I did. I am imagining what my life would have looked like without you guys. WOW. I would most likely be going crazy. Thank GOD I found this place in time.

You would most likely have completely bought (against your gut instincts) WH's story about renting a room from OW. You most likely would have "made nice" with WH about a separation and possibly D and would likely have agreed to nicely "co-parent" with the man who was destroying your marriage and his cohort, the OW.

Scotty, you are such a treasure!

SHUDDER

It could have been even WORSE FF. I could have been a "friends with benefits" while my WH was "cheating" on OW. OW could come to Bday parties for my children. We would have the craziest "relationship" until I finally had enough. Who knows when that would have been. I am so thankful for all of you and for this time to improve myself. I realized the other day, while I was posting to someone else, that this is starting to BE ME. I am changing. And I LIKE who I am becoming.

I loved that post about trusting God. I'm going to write it out and put it somewhere at my desk. I need to read that everyday.

Thanks Scotty

That's why I post things from other people's threads. If it helps me, it can help others too.

YAY!

Well, I know that this isn't about my story but since I use this as a sort of journal type thing, I lay it all out there.

Last night, around 630pm, my Mom called me.

I said, "Hello."
There was a bit of silence and then she said, "Scotty, I need to talk to someone."
Me: "Okay."

Mom: You go your internet and ask them a question.

Me: Mom, you go on yourself, I can't do this for you.

Mom: You ask all of those people who recovered if their husband says that he is still separated?

Me: Mom, I can't help you. I can't listen to you right now.

Mom: Oh you're GOING to listen.

Me: No I am not. Bye. CLICK

Today, she calls me at 1230pm. I brace for it. I say, "Hello." She asks if it would be okay if I watch my nieces so she can keep shopping. She is buying me a couch(she got 2 for me). Anyways, she says thanx when I say okay. She comes by to pick up my nieces. I am outside reading. She sits down beside me and we start to talk. She tells me that she talked to my Dad last night and it is much better. I tell her that I am sorry but I can't help her. Then I ask, "So, when was the last time you spoke to OM?" She says, "I can't remember." I say, "Last night? Thursday? Four days ago? You know." She finally says, "I had to call him about my insurance. I think it was on Monday." I say, "Did you tell Dad?" She answers, "No. He would be mad." I said, "Yes he would and he should be. You KNOW you shouldn't still be calling him." She says, "Your Dad would have said that I could have taken care of the insurance by myself." I say, "He would have been right." I then explain how every contact sends her back to day one of her recovery. She says, "I already told you I don't have feelings for OM anymore."

I talked to her a bit more and told her about how I feel and what I believe and what Bampot would have to do if he came home. She then said, "I wish I could talk to Bampot." I offered up his phone number and email address. I told her to call away. HAHAHAHA

Funny thing happened while I was typing this out. My FIL called me. I haven't talked to him in years. I called his house when I was exposing, but talked to his wife instead. I saw the number and I thought about not answering for a minute. I did though. He hadn't known that Bampot moved out. I couldn't believe that I talked to him for almost half an hour and I didn't cry. I came close a couple of times. He apologized for not doing anything. I told him that all I was asking for was some support to tell Bampot that what he was doing was wrong and that he should come back to his family. I told him that I was advised to reach out to influential people in Bampot's life and ask them to help. I told him that I know that Bampot might have ignored his call or delete his email, but that was all I was asking of people to do.

Bampot shut everyone else out of his life except WF and a few "friends" from work. Bampot is very much a stick your head in the sand kind of guy. It's gonna take a lot for his head to get unburied. Anyone got an extra shovel? WHO CARES? HAHAHAHA

Okay, I tried to be funny, but since I am Canadian, you probably didn't get it. My friends think I am HILARIOUS, or so I keep telling myself when they laugh with me(or at me?).

I really am fine. Getting better everyday. Really starting to believe it too.

Wow. Weird how that happens. You give it up to God and WHAM-- a door opens. FILs call was such a gift in that he heard you and what you said was RIGHT ON. Factual. Non emotional. No badmouthing of Bampot.

See what happens when we sit back and observe instead of manipulating the circumstances? Yes, easier said than done.

You did good, Scotty, conversing with BOTH FIL and your Mom.

And you ARE funny!

This is such an impossible question for you to answer for anybody. She really threw you a curveball there Scotty. You did the right thing and responded exactly like she needed you to. Those personal issues revovling around how your Dad and Mom feel about each other are so much thier issues they have to work out between each other.

The last thing you need is to be the justifing factor and have your convictions challenged by yet another close family member you love. By refusing to discuss it you put the ball squarly in her court, its up to her to pick it up. Bravo Scotty.


Its very revealing that Bampot has stopped associating with his close circle of freinds and family. It to me is part of the chemical drug brain fogginess that they experiance. Like this if I may.

At first they think that what they are doing is right because they feel good doing it,(for whatever reason) and they figure that they will show everyone else later when the initial storm calms down from whatever exposure that happens that it "Was all for the best".

(Thats why full and complete exposure is so important because new story spins cannot breed in the gap of other relationships not knowing the truth)

Then as the single minded selfishness and tunnelvision of the drug induced justification of "Why doesn't everybody get behind me, don't they want me to be happy?, loses its validity within and starts to be seen as it is, selfish thinking and justification, they hunker down, not willing to admit thier mistake because of shame and/or pride and confusion of how they got to that place.

Im not saying that because I feel sorry for them, Its just part of thier delusion, along with the idea that everything that they feel is right and justified, which everyone outside ussually can see is bull. But they still haven't thought about the truth enough or had to deal with it objectivly to be fair. The influences of friends and family have a lot to do with how they will have to be snapped back into reality, so they hide from them.

When they finnally,(we hope), start to reintegrate into the relationships that they had allways wanted to re-connect with, and hoping that those relationships are real humble people and a friend to them, they find that they are challanged with the truth that they.

1) Were selfish
2) Didn't know what they were really doing to thier spouse or loved ones.
3) Acted without character that they professed to have, or aspired to emulate or acquire in thier life.
4) Were afraid to admit they needed help. (Or to proud to, same thing IMO)
5) Acted in a cruel and selfish way while lieing and sneaking around to satisfy an egotisical fantasy that they felt they had the right to experience.

It is very important that the friends and relatives are people who will put them on the ropes when it comes to thier leaving. Its obvious to everybody that an affiar was not the answer. Even those who did the same thing and are now remarried to an affair partner can if thier honest, admit it wasn't the way to deal with thier problems, and it wasn't fair or healthy for them then and has consequences they are still dealing with.

It will take Bampots conscience time to work on him if he allows it, and as I know allready from you Scotty you will expect him to be fully honest and complient to what it will take to recover. This is what is healthy and right for you. Why we admire your strength.

I don't know if he will ever get it together but I know you will get stronger as time wears on. It takes some time for all of what he has done to set in as his fault and that as a Man how he should go about repairing the damage he has done. He can't be to much of a Dummy to have picked you as his wife or for you to love him like you do. That gives me hope for your future.

I Also can't believe he is happier now. I think he is probably miserable and doesn't recognize it yet, or allowing himself to see it.

Sorry if this is long winded like many of my posts and hope this helps you in some way scotty. I know you post on weekends so i thought I would say something.

God Bless

Regarding mom and dad.....

You KNOW what you need to do now, don't you????

Not

Tell her dad there was contact?

AHHHHH.

When I read Not's post, i said, "NO." Then I read your response SW and I said, "DUH." Of course that's what I have to do. I WILL, Tomorrow. See, I am a coward sometimes. ARGH ARGH ARGH.

BTW, thanx for pointing out the obvious SW. Sometimes I just don't get it.

SSO(CP)- well, you have said a whole mouthful. Are you trying to get your WPP(words per post) stat up or something? HEHEHEHE

Honestly, I know that you are helping me and I enjoy reading your posts. There is just one thing I want to correct. I don't really think about if Bampot is happy right now or not. I don't CARE. The only thing that matters to me about Bampot is, he's not home. Until he wants to work on our marriage, I don't care what he does and feel. Except where it has to deal with my kiddos.

Thats what you should be caring about Scotty. What a good point. What a healthy way to deal too.

Care about whats real, what he does, and how it effects the kiddos. Let him own his own conscience problems.

Believe me, all I am attempting to do is support you and restate the obviuos. lol I don't think I have to tell you anything you don't allready know.

Yur way to savvy, YARRRGH!

Rock on

There is a Words per Post stat?

I should be rockin that one lol.

But then again i wish I could say more with less words

Thanx for the support CP. It's always good to hear from you.

Not2Fun, Your sig line reminds me of another saying;

"A 5 minute poor decision can carry 5 years of consequences"


It reminds me every time I see it

Anytime Scotty, I hope yur having a great weekend. I follow your thread daily, but don't comment much cuz you are doing so well.

Yepppppp........sucks being the responsible one sometimes

{{{{{Scottie}}}}}

You doing just fine honey.......

Not

Not even close...