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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 6
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 6 |
Is there some reading material that is helpful for the WH who is trying to get through the withdrawal from affair addiction?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
noanswers, the most effective way to withdraw is to end any and all contact. That means everything, including facebook if he can see her on FB.
It is also very effective to expose the affair to everyone. This has the effect of waking up the affairees from the fantasy.
Has all contact been ended? Can you describe your situation?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Was the affair exposed to the OW's husband? And what has happened about your weight problem? Have you been working on that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 189
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 189 |
I'm posting here as a WS who has been/is going through withdrawal and what has helped me.
First, I remind myself that it is an addiction, not a person, and in that way depersonalize the OM.
Second, I remind myself that beating an addiction is a process, not an event. I didn't get addicted overnight and I'm not going to beat it overnight.
Third, I try to treat myself like a child recovering from the flu. I rest when I get tired, I eat when I get hungry, I set extremely low goals for what I want to accomplish each day to keep my stress level down, etc.
Fourth, I went through a lot of our old pictures and picked several that I keep handy which show happier moments (our M was obviously not good when I started the A). Looking at those pictures reminds me what I am fighting for and gives a little seratonin surge to my starved brain.
Hope that helps.
WS M: 25 years D21, S19, S15
Rome wasn't built in a day -- but it was built.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
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See the Managing Memories link in my sig line...
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 189
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Joined: Jul 2010
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One more thought. I know it is hard, but try as best you can to find a way to be nice to H, or at least try not to be mean. Mean is the biggest trigger -- "why am I going through all the agony of this withdrawal to be with someone who is cruel to me?" That is short sighted, addict thinking, but it is real.
IF you can -- go to him and acknowledge that you understand how hard it is for him to withdraw and you appreciate that he is doing it for you and the M Tell him you are there for him and you will do everything in your power to help him through this time even while you are going through your own nightmare. Allow the elephant to be in the room and talk about it. Loneliness is the second biggest trigger "I can no longer stand being in existential isolation so I am running back to my source of comfort."
This is from the WS perspective -- I'm just telling you what would help me -- it isn't going to happen in my case, but it could in yours.....
WS M: 25 years D21, S19, S15
Rome wasn't built in a day -- but it was built.
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