My H and are separating until he "fixes the problem" - of contact with OW (work together). We are still talking about how to care for our children and we both are on board with knowing that the separation is needed given the damage done with his repeated lying about contact with her.

Yet, now I am dealing with his mother who has attacked me in texts to my H. Basically, he called me a liar to my face (which I can't believe as her son has admitted continuously lying about the affair)and has described our marriage sick and destructive. She went further to use my mother as an attack in stating that I will destroy my H as my mother destroyed me.

I am experiencing all the pain and trauma as when I first learned of the affair. She is a woman who only reacts with intense emotion, who sees things in black and white, and takes everything personally...as if this is about her. IT is about my H continued lying and pain. I just can't take the drama anymore.

So, while I know I am venting but I feel so alone and misunderstood. I am so far from friends and family and feel alone.

I am looking for any suggestions or feedback on how to cope with family who are sabotaging the steps to rebuild our marriage. My H has stood by his statement that he wants to rebuild our marriage and raise our children in an intact family. He understands the need for separation and noted how he feels more empowered in working towards a solution to his problem. I just wish she would understand that the separation is not a punishment but rather a need to protect myself from his continued lying.

Any thoughts?

Interesting...

During recovery, and after, I have begun to look at all actions and choices my H and I make as helpful for the M or not helpful to the M. It's surprising how every choice and action can be categorized into these two columns.

I began to eliminate and change those actions and decisions that were not helpful. And asked H to do the same. If he does something that bothers me, I have to look at it and determine if it is helpful or not helpful. Usually if it bothers me, it is not helpful.

Your MIL sounds like she is NOT helping the M. And letting someone have access to you that is not helpful can hurt your recovery and M. How can you limit her not helpful actions? If not entirely, at least towards you. It sounds like she is directing these actions toward WH. If so, do you need to hear about it? Is WH using his mom's actions to try to shame or manipulate you into changing your actions?

Does WMIL know the OW? Is it possible they are talking?

How can you protect yourself from her?

That question - is this action helpful or unhelpful to the M- helps me in this dilemma. My MIL knows the OW though they are not communicating. The question of using his mother's actions to change my actions is a good one - I wonder as we recently separated and I think it stirred the pot enough to reconsider the separation. While I have, I am not ready to let him back into my life after 5 days just because of her actions and drama. Your feedback has helped me consider and outline my expectations for him to return to my life. I have asked him to consider that he can share with me in general terms that she is being unhelpful (therefore not lying to me) and that he will handle it. Also, I have asked him to consider not revealing every last detail of our relationship or where we are in this process as it seems apparent that the previously information has been used against me and US.