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I run around 60 miles a week and weight train 30 minutes a day. I also want to start Insanity when I get back to Fort Polk. If I don't consume massive amounts of calorically dense food and stay consistent with it, I'll shrink down to 155lbs quickly.

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And here I am trying to lose the last 8 lbs of my 10lb second child...sigh...oh well. /Shrug

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I run around 60 miles a week and weight train 30 minutes a day. I also want to start Insanity when I get back to Fort Polk. If I don't consume massive amounts of calorically dense food and stay consistent with it, I'll shrink down to 155lbs quickly.

Well then don't run as much. Problem solved. wink


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Yeah, I used to have trouble keeping weight on too. After my first 3 kids, I went right back down to 95 lbs. (and I'm 5'5" so I was skinny). Now, in my late 30's, I have to exercise 5 days a week and watch everything that I eat (which I don't do very well, since I spent most of my life not having to) just to stay in the 130 lb. range. I wouldn't be so quick to try to pack on the pounds. Your metabolism definitely slows down as you age and you may regret the extra weight someday.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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She wrote back tonight:
We don't need to decide anything together, since there is pretty much no 'our' stuff. I have already told u that the only stuff I want is unquestionably mine. U say that u have been good at getting me my stuff, when in fact, u have been keeping me away from it as a power play. Like I said, anything that is so important to u that it is worth straining everything even more over it u can keep.
-------------------------------------


I'll wait for some advice on what if anything I should write back. But her constant aggression\accusatory tone is really grinding on my patience

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
She wrote back tonight:
We don't need to decide anything together, since there is pretty much no 'our' stuff. I have already told u that the only stuff I want is unquestionably mine. U say that u have been good at getting me my stuff, when in fact, u have been keeping me away from it as a power play. Like I said, anything that is so important to u that it is worth straining everything even more over it u can keep.
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I'll wait for some advice on what if anything I should write back. But her constant aggression\accusatory tone is really grinding on my patience

Just ignore her passive agressiveness. If you are still in plan A, just keep on with the "chatty" emails. However, I would plan D this horrible excuse for a human being. It may have taken a while, but she has shown her true colors and is not marriage material. The fact that you are 3 months into this, she should not be in contact w/ OM anymore, and still is acting this way should clue you into this realization. I would wager that she's cheated on you with AT LEAST 2 MORE OM since OM#1. She doesn't want you showing up unannounced in AZ because that might clue in others who she has probably been telling she is single to and living the single life with that she in fact NOT single and has a husband who was serving overseas, and it would make her look bad as well as possibly get her into even more trouble. She is mean to you because she is guilty for her CURRENT behavior and is trying to push you away. She's going down a self-destructive path, and you can't fix her. Just keep her from dragging you with her. I would just tear into her when I got back and then never speak to her again. Burn the bridge because you don't even want the inclination or opportunity to cross it again.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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I totally agree w/ Jim.

ETA: Her continued nastiness has nothing to do w/ exposure. It is about what she is doing today. She is still wayward...and may always be.




Last edited by Marshmallow; 07/14/10 02:04 PM.
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Quote
Like I said, anything that is so important to u that it is worth straining everything even more over it u can keep.


To which I would reply, "GREAT! They say possession is 9/10th of the law anyway. Have a NICE life."

Not really, but your WW just gets my goat.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I was thinking more along the lines of "6 months ago there were a lot of things I thought were unquestionable in our marriage. Now it's become clear that everything needs to be questioned."

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Gerka, honest question. Why do you want to save this marriage? I don't see or hear anything worth saving? There is a planet full of wonderful women out there waiting for you. Why do you want to continue to be with this particular woman?


Formerly ConfuzedHusband
BH
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.

Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.
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At this point my LB has taken so many hits, my main motivation is not failing at marriage. Not quitting, not giving up.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
At this point my LB has taken so many hits, my main motivation is not failing at marriage. Not quitting, not giving up.

You didn't fail, she did. The only thing that you possibly failed at was choosing your mate. Don't let stubbornness and pride get in the way of your happiness (like it is getting in the way of your WW's happiness). Trust me, once you are out of this marriage and can take a step back and look at things objectively, you'll be relieved that you "failed" at this marriage. 5 years from now when you are with your future wife who is much more suitable because you were much smarter about choosing one the second time, you'll look back at all of this and think, "I'm so glad I didn't settle for that when I am so happy with my new wife now. I didn't know that marriage could be this good."

Last edited by jmwc95; 07/15/10 07:22 AM.

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Where's RIF been lately?

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Well, this is what I wrote back yesterday. No response, but I didn't expect one.



I think that deciding things unilaterally when it impacts both of us is what's lead us to this point, so it's probably not the best course of action moving forward. Joint agreement would be best. I was more than happy to give you Apollo when you explained to me what a hard time you were having with things, and how much better he would make you feel. I hope he's helping to lift your spirits. I'm not trying to put any further strain on our marriage, I'm trying to do what I can to keep it alive. I still care for you very much, and I'm still confident we can work through all of this if we can sit down together and talk through it.

I mailed all of my stuff back to Fort Polk today. They wouldn't let me ship a duffel bag so I had to go buy another tough box. So I shipped 3 of them back with just about everything in them, so I don't have to carry it all with me through 5 airports on the way back. They said the boxes would arrive in a week and a half, so they'll probably get there before I do (I shipped them to my office.) It's weird to be trying to wind things down here and still be so so busy. It's been such a strange six months but I feel like so many of these people are like my family now, we've been through so much. I feel really anxious about having to go grocery shopping and set up internet for the house and decide what clothes to wear and do my own laundry (I still need to get a washer and dryer too...) when all of that stuff has been done for me for so long now. It feels like overwhelming to have to go back and do it all myself.

Do you still think we'll be able to pay off the credit cards by November? I wasn't sure how the expense of supporting (her brother) might impact that payment timeline. I get promoted as soon as I get back so with that extra income we should be able to pay them off even with the extra expenses associated with (her brother).

Hope you have a good day sugar bear. Be strong. smile

Love
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Sugar bear? I'll try to not make too much fun of you for that. wink

As for the email, it was good, but I still think you sound a little preachy when talking about "we'll decide what's best for our stuff together." I would have pretty much dismissed and not responded to her accusations. Remember, she's just trying to manipulate you into getting what she wants, when she wants. You don't always need to defend yourself and your actions. It doesn't even matter her. She's just a spoiled, self-centered brat right now. No use in trying to reason with her. That will get you nowhere. I'm glad you are coming back home soon. I hope things turn out well for you, regardless of what happens.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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I don't know where RIF is, but I'm sure he'll be checking in sometime soon.

I'm so glad you are finally coming home, Gerk.

Are you really not going to try to see WW unless she invites you?


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Hey Gurka!

Glad you're heading home soon!

I thought your e-mail was good... I agree with some of the others that your W is still in "It's All About Me" mode.

Have you give any thought to setting a "Plan-A Timeline"? I'd give yourself a couple of weeks to get settled in, then decide how much longer you want to continue with your Plan-A.

Once you've set a time, then I'd Plan-A as hard as you can for the time that you set for yourself. Try and think of some things that you can do for her from Ft. Polk that you couldn't do over in A-Stan.

I'm redploying soon myself, but I'll check in with you to see how you're doing from time to time.

Get read for Kuwait, I hear that it's in the 140's there now!

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Won't be going through Kuwait. I'm not really sure what I can do from Fort Polk that I can't do from here. She seems at least somewhat open to me coming to AZ, she certainly hasn't said "don't come."

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She seems at least somewhat open to me coming to AZ, she certainly hasn't said "don't come."


Hey Gurka,

How about you pack up all of her "stuff" and offer to bring it out to her. By offering to do that for her, you will totally dismiss her accusation of "holding her stuff hostage in order to save the marraige".

Take her stuff to her, maybe plan a weekend away where you guys can spend some time together away from the base. I wouldn't have any expectations other than having a good time with her. No relationship talks, just a chance for both of you to spend some time together.

I think that by showing her that you're willing to let her go, that it might soften her attitude. Then again, it may not... but what do you have to lose?

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I like that plan RIF.

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