OK there is alot involved in my situation but I'm looking for info on just a small area not in get into the whole thing, that's on another post.

OK so my H has changed alot real suddenly. Password protecting his cell phone, never leaves his phone alone (it's like it's glued to his hand or pocket), changed all his passwords on his accounts (emails and facebook), gets on FB daily when would never get on before, texting constantly, and got involved in activites that he never shown interest in before (mountain biking).

Now my family thinks there maybe someone else maybe not PA but an EA. I'm not saying that he is but he's attitude towards me did a 180 in one day. Went from saying he loves me to not, kisses when he got home to not, hugs to none (not sure if its an A or due to him saying he wants a D, have to read other thread for the whole story).

Now on my other thread ppl were saying that I should snoop on him to find out but I'm not sure about how to go about this. I just found out about a keylogger (but have no clue about which one is good, there are SO many).

I don't have access to his phone but rarely when he is sleeping and even then he sometimes wakes up to try to use a cell phone sim card reader and don't know any other way to see who he is texting all the time because he did that with a female before (i caught and saw the messages) and he then started deleting them before he got home eveeyday. They texted eachother during work (co-workers). I never saw anything to make me worried just getting alittle to friendly and it wasn't just about work anymore. Plus they worked together so I didn't know why they would be texting instead of just talking to eachother.


Heard about the GPS tracker. I tried to do the one on his cell phone before (when the texting the co-worker was going on) but the company sends a text message notifying him that he is now about to be located and it dont give a recall back on where he has been just where he is at that time. Plus when I did that he even told me he'd left his phone with a buddy at work or in his car and left. So I'm not sure how to do a gps tracker without him knowing or one that shows me where he has been not just where he is at that time when I look.

And last there is the VAR (voice activated recorder) now i'm unsure about these also and what i would do. Put it in his car? I know a friend did this with his wife and found out about her affair. Would it be activated by his car radio and there are alot of the recorders out there and i'm so lost on what i should be lookign for.

I know there is alot of other stuff going on and H might not be doing anything at all and I'm just over reacting and I didn't even think about it until my family said it but when I look at it all after they said it, it made me worry. I want to be sure nothing is going on so I know where my M stands.

Also we have a joint account and H has access to all my card accounts (checking and credit cards) how do I goi about getting these things without him knowing. He'll know if I make withdrawls and all so I'm not sure what I should do. Any advice?

You should repost this to your main thread, mm. It frustrates readers to see some of the story, and to have to search elsewhere for the rest of it. There is nothing to be gained by starting a new thread.

You need to read the Sying 101 thread. I'll see if I can bump it for you.

Stop dithering about VARs. Of course there are many on the market but they all do the same basic thing. As long as they have a hard drive (which they all do) they will record for more than 24 hours. You must get one that operates from batteries as well as the mains. That's all. It does not have to be top of the range, so make your decision based on price.

sorry i just wanted to get info on that issue and I know that sometimes once a thread gets to long some ppl don't want to read thru the whole thing and just don't bother with it.

All the signs point to an A. Definitely snoop as much as you can.

Whose name is the phone in? And what phone company is it?

Can a friend or family member let you borrow their credit card to buy the keylogger?

Many people have had good luck with the VAR because many wayturds talk to their OP in the car. I wish someone had recommended that to me when I was starting to suspect something. I think they save a lot of hours so I wouldn't worry about it being triggered by the radio.

The phone is on a family plan and each phone is in our own name. The company is with sprint and I asked about getting the text logs and was told not without a warrent. I have access to the call logs but without knowing a number I dont know what I should be looking for. I'll have to ask about borrowing a credit card but I'm going to have to get the money bcak to them and that is the tricky part given the joint account. But I'll figure out something.

can anyone recommend a good keylogger?

E-blaster is the most recommeneded on the board.

As far as knowing the number, get the call logs and go through them. Compile a spreadsheet with the numbers, day/hour called, and the number of times called.

You will see if there is a pattern. Also, while logs of the text convos may not be available, you can see the number a text was sent to as well as the date/time in the phone logs.

As far as I know I can't see the number of any texts just how many have been used but no numbers. Is that something extra because I don't have that.

Have you thought about trading. Here is my thinking, say you borrow a CC from your sister and purchase the keylogger. Then to pay her back, each week you purchase something on her shopping list during your normal shopping and give it to her until you have fulfilled the debt.

Anyway, just a thought.

now what about webwatcher. E blaster sends email updates and H has access to my email and webwatcher is an online log in type thing no email updates. Anyone heard about webwatcher?

I have verizon, not sprint, so maybe it is a company thing. On the paper bill it is hard to see texts, but online my company has it separated by voice, text, and data. So it was worth a shot.

I would still compile the numbers he is calling, because if he is in an A, he will be calling as well as texting .

[quote=ElunaInNC
Have you thought about trading. Here is my thinking, say you borrow a CC from your sister and purchase the keylogger. Then to pay her back, each week you purchase something on her shopping list during your normal shopping and give it to her until you have fulfilled the debt.

Anyway, just a thought. [/quote]

this is the tricky part becuase I have no family or friends around here.

I'll have to look into the phone thing more but I don't think sprint lets you see who they are texting just how many texts they've used. That would make it easier if I could.

Get eblaster, and set up a secret email account. It will take you 2 minutes.

Hey -- this is from a WW who got caught. A discovered when H read my texts, scope of A discovered when my H read the texts I sent a friend when she left it sitting out on my kitchen counter.

Here is my take: your H is having an A. Stop asking yourself that question and accept it as fact. I know its a big one to swallow and denial is appealing, but you are just prolonging the agony by asking the question. If you find out you are wrong, so what?

IMO the ONLY right answer if one spouse asks another for records is "of course honey -- but why are you asking?", concern that they have done something to make their mate suspicious, and a discussion of how to alleviate the suspicious mate's anxiety. Any other answer is all the evidence you need.

I'm a lawyer so I'm going to throw this in. Find out what the criminal laws are in your state about keylogging and recording conversations before you do those things. In my state, for example, it is against the law to record a telephone conversation for any "tortious or other injurious purpose." What that means is depends upon who is doing the interpreting. Don't give H the opportunity to threaten a criminal prosecution of you once everything is uncovered. This is very serious -- he could use the threat of a criminal prosecution to extort you in child custody and property division if it comes to that. It's been known to happen.

His cell phone is your enemy. Ask him to see his records. Tell him straight out why. When he says no and blasts off at your for being a suspicious nut case and/or acts all offended that you don't trust him, tell him that you are not going to give up on getting those records. Tell him you are going to go to any legal lengths to see them. Mention it twice a day. Do not back down -- it is his greatest area of vulnerability.

As a trial lawyer, I always started with the documents -- people honestly have different recollections or perceptions about what happened, but the documents never change. For example, when I got caught the first time, I went into my cell phone records and concocted a relatively benign story that meshed with the records. My H never asked to see them, but the knowledge that they were out there made me miserable and anxious and sucked a lot of the fun factor out of the A. You need to make your H miserable.

Be direct and consistent. Don't get mad, hysterical or reactive. Your H is like a drug addict -- he will do anything, and I mean anything, to continue to get his fixes. You are threatening his supply -- he is going to hate you for it.

No, please don't tip him off that you will be snooping. All he will do is gaslight you and go further underground.

Try your hardest to act normal and do not tip him off that you are suspicious or will be snooping.

When you get your evidence, DO NOT tell your H how you got the information.

No, his A is your enemy. Do NOT give up your sources or even let him know that you are snooping. When the time comes for you to confront him the only knowledge you need is that you "know". He doesn't have to know how you know -- just that you do. Susie is right, if you reveal your source, he will just take it underground and find another way to communicate.

Don't worry about the legalities of keyloggers or VARS. If you are co-owner of the equipment/car/computer then you legally have the right. You won't be using any of it in court anyway.

ok thank you all, I'm going to look into figuring out which things to go with and go from there.

How to get the money? Easy!

When you buy groceries next, purchase a prepaid Visa card with whatever dollar amount added to it that you need, and VOILA! You have a credit card that you can use that your H is not able to trace.

Of course, this only works if you don't leave your grocery receipt laying around, or if you don't show it to your H. Also, watch how much you put onto the card at any one time, as the extra "grocery" money may be noticed... but $10 here, or $20 there shouldn't be... hopefully...

Good luck!

Listen to the other folks who have been around way longer about whether to ask directly for the records -- I told you what worked for me, but I want/wanted to stop the A desperately and your H may be very different.

But listen to me about the legal stuff.