I see I am not the only one with a trust returning issue, that I can get over. I wrote earlier about my h not wanting to apologize. Whenever we try to have conversations, he always finds a manipulative, sneaky, sweet way to point out my faults. I feel like I am the only one making up for our mistakes, instead or US making up for our mistakes. I can't shoulder anymore! I want to give up, if it weren't for my kids I really feel I would walk. I love him and he loves me I've never questioned that. How long do I meet his needs and make up for not meeting them when he turned to OW? When do I ask for some return? He refuses to see what he did to me, to make me turn cold which led him to OW. I wrote previously I was responsible for everything dealing with our household and worked. I have quit working to focus on the family, but I want mutual decisions, I don't want to be the head! How long do I meet his w/o asking he meet mine? Or how do I tell him I need more with out hurting his ego? He has been really loving towards me lately. I don't want to blow his effort and have him withdraw. How long am I supposed to do this, when do let him know what my needs are?<BR>Please, I can't go anymore giving and giving without some sort of acknowledgement he is planning on giving in return.<BR>Mater<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P><BR>

Mater - This is such an awful time for you. I went through that stage where I sacrificed everything just to keep our family together - I was the only one acknowledging how I contributed to a bad marriage etc. I really hope your husband is in individual counseling - I think that is where my husband was finally able to realize he made a really bad choice to have an affair to deal with our problems. I think the therapist helped him understand how much he hurt me (I had to hide the hurt as much as possible so as not to push him back to ow for comfort) It took a while for him to stop blaming me for what he did (I was the reason he gave up hope and found someone else to fill his needs and be his "oasis")and to stop telling me he was a f--ing hero because they stopped short of intercourse. Finally, he was able to be very contrite. I needed to hear him say he was sorry over and over.<BR>It's been eight months since disclosure and even last night, out of the blue, he started to cry and told me again how sorry he is that he hurt me. All I can say is be patient and get individual and couples counseling.<BR> Simone