I feel like such a fool. My H has been trying to tell me that he doesn't like it when I call his body mine and my body his. He would much rather say that his body is his and my body is mine.<P>I also like to play with his nipples, but my H hates it when I do it. He always covers them up so that I can't get to them. I wish he would have just said "Hopeful I don't like when play with my nipples please don't do it anymore" I guess I just didn't realize that by him covering his nipples up was his way of saying I don't like you playing with my nipples. <P>Does anyone know the best way to read body language? Or should I just ask him what he means if I don't understand his body language? If he covers his nipples up and I just don't get it that he doesn't want me to play with them anymore I should have asked him why he always covered them up?<P>Empty Shell - I'm sorry I didn't realize that you don't like it when I play with your nipples. I won't ever do it again. I wish you would have just said something about it even if it had hurt my feelings. I think it hurts more not knowing that this bothered you more than it would have if you had just said you don't like it. Please tell me if you don't like something I do or don't do. Again I'm sorry I didn't realize that what I was doing was something that upset you

Hopeful1771: Was this something he has let you do before? I know after 25 years of marriage that there are certain things my spouse likes and does not like, however, I had to learn about these the hard way. I can't emphasize communication enough. But, I am also realistic. Sometimes communication between each of the spouses/significant others can be difficult if it is not business or child related. I think that it was good that you brought this issue out and encouraged him (if Empty Shell is your spouse)to let you know if he does not like something you do or don't do. He also needs to ask you as well. I have learned sometimes painfully that my spouse would like for me to do things differently. I just wish that he would have told me before I made a fool of myself. So I know how you feel. Much luck to you and your spouse in talking to each other.

Hopeful1771,<BR>You are right by God's definition. ES's body is yours and your body is his because the Bible says it is so. I want to say that this is found in Ephesians.<P>As far as reading body language, it comes with studying the person and asking questions. After taking several interpersonal communications classes, I have gotten reading body language fairly well. You have to observe every little thing. It is the nonverbal that says what is really going on because for the most part this is not controlled. Our body language is unconscious more than it is conscious.<P>I have found that you have to tell and ask questions about what you do and don't like. I asked lots of questions of my W but didn't always get answers so I tried things and watched closely to the way she responded. Talking about is much better than the guess. The results you are looking for come about much faster. <P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

sobeit - I never really played with his nipples in the past, but I did rub his chest. Lately I just thought I would try to be different. When I'm cold my nipples show, so I thought if I played with his they might show like mine do. I guess when he covered his I should have gotten a clue that he didn't like it.<P>professorg - After reading my H's email, yes we read each other's email, I realized that if his body was mine and my body was his then I had an affair with his body. I just never realized that thinking his was mine and mine was his that I would do that. Now I feel like a fool for seeing it that way. I'm not very good at catching the little things the body language gives. I'm not very good with the non-verbal either. I did have a non-verbal class in school and I didn't do very well. I'm not very good with asking for what I want if it happens to be sexual. I always try to please him in that area. As far as I'm concerned I have to please him not have him please me. I should make him feel good and I didn't realize that he didn't like me playing with his nipples. I guess I just have to get better at asking him what he wants me to do instead of trying to guess at things and being wrong.

Hopeful,<P>I don't think we should have to take a course in reading body language. All I know is if I'm shivering it's time to put a coat on or get out of the cold.<P>If you and Empty are following Dr. H's suggestions you should be honoring the Rules of Honesty. If he doesn't like something you do he should tell you. I don't know about you but I can not read minds and am not sure if I would really want to. I would only have wished that Val would have told me things. We might have been able to fix them in the past. Communication is a very big deal.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

Hi Hopeful -<P>What you've heard so far is absolutely right. Communication is the key to a relationship.<P>You both need to start speaking up about your likes and dislikes with honesty.<P>Don't hold back your feelings...that's how resentments build up and that's how miscommunications start.<P>Not only should ES say what he feels - but you should too!!! Nevermind this one sidedness that you have let be your guide....you have to tell ES what you like or don't like....what you might want to try that would please you!!!<P>Speak up in Honesty and with love!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Hopeful:<P>Hiya! Couldn't help but notice your post here. Don't feel like a fool. How could you know? ES didn't <I>tell</I> you what was bothering him.<P>If you read his email, and he reads yours, then you know what I'm about to tell YOU is exactly what I told him:<P>You've got to COMMUNICATE. You've got to tell each other when things are not right just like you do when things ARE right. Only by openly and honestly communicating what your wants and needs (as well as your turn-offs) are can you hope to establish acceptable "rules" (for lack of a better term).<P>In a sense, Rob was right. The Bible <I>does</I> intimate that YOUR body becomes your H's and your H's becomes yours when you marry. But, the practical matter is that YOU don't have to live in ES's body and he doesn't have to live in yours. Y'all should respect each other enough to accept when one of you doesn't like how something feels.<P>But, again, the only way to <I>know</I> these things is to communicate. Talk, talk, talk, talk, and when you're done, talk some more. You can't know enough about each other.<P>Y'all have made such progress from the first time ES came here. I can't tell you how neat it's been to watch him (and you) learn and start to implement the MB principles and see how much it's been working for you.<P>I'm sure some of the old timers here are laughing when I say that because they probably think the same thing about me and Petunia. I was a MESS when I came here. But, you read and you learn, and most importantly, you put what you've learned into <I><B>practice</I></B>. Only THEN can you see the improvement.<P>Hang in there, Hopeful. You're making more progress than you realize. Just think, how long ago was it that ES wouldn't have even TOLD you what was bothering him? How long ago was it that you wouldn't have really TRIED to listen? It's amazing how far you've come in such a short time, and THAT is the miracle of this web site.<P>Y'all are gonna make it, I know, because you obviously care about trying to make it work. Now, just DO it! It really is that simple (and that complicated!)<P>I'll be thinkin' 'bout y'all!<P>Take care,<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

professorg - Wierd, but I just read the passage: 1 Corinthians 7:4. <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Eph 6:12

Thanks, stevetlc. That's the passage I was thinking of.<P>Hopeful1771,<BR>Lone Star eloquently elaborated on what I failed to say. PRACTICE makes perfect. The two of you must COMMUNICATE about everything. As the Bible says, you two are now ONE FLESH. You wouldn't intentionally go do something that would make you feel bad (talking about your physical being.) In the spiritual sense you and ES are one body now. We sometimes do things that we later understand that we shouldn't have done. Now that the error has been made it is time to learn from the error and make it much better than it was before.<P>Because you have the desire to please ES is a major step in the right direction. You are beginning to show the unconditional love that Jesus shows us. Keep praying and God will give you the things that you need to do including discussing sexual needs. Listen to God because He is always talking to you.<P>You and ES are in my prayers continually.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

hopeful, my h says the exact same thing and reacts in the same way to this, but I guess I try not to take it so seriously. It didn't seem such a bad thing when you read it, please don't make a small thing into something larger than life. Is there something else other than this that brought you to write this?

I guess that the time has come to put in my .02 on this, just so that every one understands a little more.<P>This was something which had been bothering me for a while. I didn't know how to approach hopeful about, if at all. I turned to a couple of friends here at MB, and we talked about this through E-Mail. Pretty much they all told me the same things, and pointed out what I should have realized all along. As one person put it. . ."not seeing the forest for the trees." I had already decided that hopeful and I need to talk about this, and was planning on having the conversation when I got home from work last night.<P>. . . the best laid plans . . . hopeful chose this day to be the day to check my E-Mail. She was understandably upset and started her thread.<P>We talked about this quite a bit last night, and I think we both understand things a little better now.<P>Communication is paramount. This is one of the biggest things we are still having to learn (re-learn) so that we can avoid misunderstandings in the future.<P>The one other thing I would like to address is 1 Corinthians 7:4. This truly is something I had always believed in and I think I still do. We all have things which have had to be "modified" as a result of living through infidelity. For me, right now, this is of those side effects. I am working at trying to put this behind me, but it is going to take some time.<P>I love hopeful with every ounce of my being. The LAST thing I want to do is hurt her more. It is a long road, but we are making very good progress.<P>I LOVE YOU hopeful<P>God Bless