I don't appreciate the whole waterpark incident! I allowed ds to call his dad and the two of THEM set it up. I had nothing to do with it! Except that I got screamed at about it.

Go DARK. Nuff said.

Oh, but I also wanted to say that your post here made me cry and I am feeling full of rage, so I recognize that you have touched the core of the issue. I know I have to let this go. It is not helping me and it is hurting my son.

How to say in 5 words or less?

ok this weekend. Thank you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SmilingWoman))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

We can see it because we have felt it.

EXACTLY.

LOL

That'll leave him scratching his head.

Me likey too.

That would go into the 5 words MAX category.

SW, you CAN do this. You are GREAT.

You can pick DS up after lunch, I don't mind being flexible, especially if it will make DS happy. We can get back to our regular schedule next weekend.

It's shorter...

I know. LOL....it made me laugh.

This one gets my vote. It's short and sweet, sends the message that she is interested mainly in DS' happiness and puts WXH on notice (without the drama) that they need to stick to the court-ordered schedule as much as possible.

I like this one too. I know it violates the 5 word rule, but it appears to be necessary in this situation.

My point was NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE...put it in writing. I don't think extra time with DAD is a problem (OW YES...DAD NO).

Sometimes you will not be capable of sticking to 5 words, especially in this sitch. Make sure that it is clear, as I think Marshmallow suggested, that this is veering from the agreement and not a usual occurence.

That's all...otherwise, separate how you FEEL about your WH and the devastation he has caused and do what is best for your son in the present.

I think that the 5 word rule can be bent in this sitch. I think the point is more that "LESS IS MORE." Just stick to the bare minimum.

Would you even consider an IM? Would you consider going dark? I think it would help you.

That is the problem...He wants him early so he can take him on vacation with the OW and OW's son.


What it comes down to is I am agreeing to let him go early even though I know OW will be involved. THAT is what is sticking in my throat. Ds doesn't care though. He is excited to go see his dad...he doesn't care if OW is there. In fact, he told me he thinks it would be more fun with OW and her 5 year old along than it would be with just him and dad. His only problem is he know I am unhappy about it. I have got to quit putting this on ds. I know that. It is why I am on here so much asking for hand holding.


Trying....really, I am.

There is no one I would ask to do this. No one. And even though I do obsess on here quite a bit Scotland, I really have very little contact with him. Two 30 second phone calls yesterday...one sentence each at the door last night. Before that nothing since last Saturday when he emailed me he was exercising his vacation time with ds and I responded asking, 'where are you taking him?'

I am doing ok with the no contact..I do obsess too much.

You can get darker even without an IM. You can have son open the front door all by himself, say bye to dad and shut the door. You stay within reach and earshot, but out of plain sight.

Texts are kept to few words, like "Ok with me". Emails are solely about any settlement or child rearing stuff, no personal information, no anger or resentment. STick to the facts about your settlement or agreement. Don't argue, just stick to the facts. DO NOT TAKE PHONE CALLS unless you know there is no other way to settle the issue.

Any drama will subside if you remove your emotional responses to your WH. If it doesn't, you won't be touched by it much because you will refuse to engage on that level.

Ooooh....I like this! I can do this. Will do this....only trouble with it is that he often brings him home late and I hate not knowing when the door will open. Maybe I could have ds leave me a vm when he is on his way....is that too much to ask of ds?

Okay, look reality here is that my DSx2 see OW EVERY visitation(WH LIVES with OW, so NO avoiding it). It KILLS me, especially when she is in the car(although I shouldn't KNOW, but I DO). Then, DSx2 have told me that she is nice to them. It KILLS. But there isn't a DARN thing I can do to change that. NOTHING.

So instead, I talk to them about it. I don't KNOCK WH or OW. I tell the TRUTH. I tell them that I am not happy about what has happened. I tell them that WH and OW are doing something very WRONG. That it is WRONG to have a gf when you are married and it is WRONG to "date" a married person.

OW has a 11 year old daughter who my DSx2 LOVE. I asked them, "If Daddy came home, would you be sad that you never talked to OWDD11 again?" They said, "Nope." THAT is important. They KNOW what is going on.

Does your DS KNOW what is going on? In a non-emotional way? That is the most important thing you can do right now. Also, this teaches them the lessons you want them to learn.