I don't know, maybe others will chime in and say their FWSs were very vested in improving the marriage but showed NO interest in reading/discussing the MB concepts, but this wouldn't sit well with me.

IMO, reading(book on CD for my H) HNHN is a step that shouldn't be skipped for a couple trying to R.

Maybe you could get her the CD if she is not a big reader...let her know this is something you think is vital to R and leave it to her to do it.

If she does not take any initiative, I would think that is giving you a lot of information as to your ability to really big "R" recover and her willingness to make any real changes to benefit the marriage...

NN.
she wants to do what she wants to do.
She doesn't want to do what you want her to do.

So, the question here is, is it *essential* for you that she read the stuff or listen to that CD? I'm guessing that she doesn't want to be "educated" by her H, hence her aversion to anything you suggest (BTDT, got the T-Shirt).

The SF thing is difficult to resolve IMO. You can do things that may cause someone to want or desire to have SF with you, but you can't "push" them into feeling that way.

So, I suggest dropping the SF talk, particularly anything that she could interpret as you giving her an SF-or-else ultimatum, and concentrate on doing those things that may raise the desire in her to engage in SF with you. Those things? Well, they're called ENs...

Well I'm back, but for a good reason now. I was just on here reading through some threads tonight. I have been on from time to time.

It was about a month after my last post that I had enough. She was out with her toxic friend and I was looking at her computer. Thank god I found keyloggers from this site. I found that she was still in contact with one of the other POSOM. I called her immediately and called her out on it. I told her if she want this marriage to work she needs to get her [censored] home right now. MYREV I wish I had listened to you months earlier but I didn't have the balls to do it. She came home after we got off the phone. I had called her mom and told her what I had found and that our marriage was over. When my WW got home I told her I was done and wouldn't live like this anymore.

We couldn't afford to get two places right away so we split time at home with our girls. It would be for about two months until we could afford places of our own. The next morning she was leaving the house and she started crying. I should have let her walk but I laid into her like nothing. I hadn't seen her cry about this before and once she started I just kept piling on. For once I was in the drivers seat taking control of my marriage.

Three weeks into our separation she called me and told me she wanted to work things out. I told her I wasn't ready to live with the garbage she had been giving me and need some more time. A few days later we got back together.

All the crap I see on here about how waywards act when they want to make the M work. I am finally seeing that out of her. I can see anything she has now, cell phone, email or anything else she does. Toxic BF is a thing of the past.

This is a long post but god I wish I had listened to you all sooner. It took me way to long to grow a pair but I did and now she seems to be back. She even asked me when she wanted to get back together if I wanted to read the HNHN book together.

Thanks for all your help

Classic story; once the BS stands up for themselves and takes a shape-up-or-ship-out stance, the WS tends to straighten up and fly right. Even if the WS ships out, the BS by this time is in a frame of mind to say good riddance.

Other BS's on the board please take note. NoName, good to see things are working out but keep a close eye on her for the next year or so in case she relapses into bad old habits.

Hey Nn2,

Glad to see you back ... and I'm very happy to see you found your strength and voice ... and that things are improving as a result.

Now that you've got the experience ... would you mind sharing your story with another poster who is having trouble finding his strength and voice ... check out DNU1 in the Recovery section ... I think he could really benefit from your experiences.

Welcome Back!!!

Good for you NN2. REv, I actually saw his last post this morning and thought of you and your suggestions. Thanks...

NN, I saw that you are online. How are you and your W doing?

You probably don't remember me...I used to be "thisbitterpill"...

I was a little confused at first when I saw my thread on top I thought I clicked on the wrong button somewhere. I remember who you are you were one of the first to help me out. I still remember that first night on the site here.

My Wife and I are doing great. To tell you the truth I still find it hard to believe that we are where we are at today. I posted some before the site went down and that is all gone now. This morning she rolled over and cuddled up next to me and I thought "man this is nice I never thought i would have this again".

Since February of 2009 things have been good. I can't even say good because things have been amazing this past year and half. I would say I'm about 90% past all the crap. I still have thoughts here and there but nothing like before. Our girls are going to the cabin with grandpa and grandma tomorrow so I have to date nights planned for us now and we are both really looking forward to it.

Thanks for asking about me I see your posts all the time. Things are really so good now I don't know how to explain it and honestly I would have bet my house we never would have made it. So many false recoveries.

We celebrate 10 years on Sept 16. I'm trying to make some big plans for that weekend.

I seem to remember you had a sister on here a year or so ago. How are things going for her? I was off of the site for awhile and lost that thread.

Your story kinda stuck with me since your story was one of the first I had really followed and tried to support so I am happy to hear a good update

Yes, my sister's whole thread got lost in the crash of '09 which is a big bummer since it was a good one. She and her H are doing really good! Thanks for asking!!

Yeah, now that I have MB to thank for helping me and then now my sister, I am stuck here for life, I think LOL

Happy Anniversary!