You are a tigress!! You will be able to stand up to anyone you need to, for the rest of your life.

HI TULLY

awesome letter. When i read this i had tears in my eyes. There were some many things in that letter that i could relate to in some many different ways. It can be worded just a little differently and could apply to my XH at this point as well. You are awesome and i know you don't know me but know that you definately have one person that looks up to you and admires how well you conduct yourself!

Sorry to thread-jack but

Great to see you, too! Scotty doesn't mind - ever since she went to Plan B her thread has become one big TJ.

With a LITTLE of other stuff rolled in. I guess it's because I am Awesome at Plan B WOW, I can't even type that with a straight face hehehehehe.

I really don't mind of course.

Thanx everyone. I did it purely for ME. When I say that I was able to be completely honest with it, what I meant was that I didn't feel the need to attack WF or Bampot while writing it.

Just wanted to pop in, Scotty, and say I'm still cheering for you!

Awesome letter, Scotty! I am so proud of you for standing up to your dad as well!

Thanx FF. Got a new netbook today. Boy i am clueless on how to do this stuff. Got the wireless hooked up WITHOUT use of the CD it comes with since my DVD burner is no longer able to be found on my computer. Now, I cant seem to get my computer to turn on. The netbook has its keyboard set to French so I cant seem to use an apostrophe. Argh. I will get it figured out though. I have the power of Google on my side. I even made the mousepad not click when you tap it now. Well, you would think I never touched a computer before HAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Scotty power WILL get me through. Gotta get all of my bookmarks back on here too. Oh and guess what(no question marks either)it is PINK. I dont care for pink but that is okay. Gotta figure this out. Off to the world of Google.

BTW FF, thanx for bumping my thread, I was looking for it.

Awesome! I just love working out. I got into the habit when my last H left me and it has stayed with me all this time.

Thanks for your kind words on the other thread, Scotland. I sure do appreciate all the hard work you do on this forum.

Thanx Mel(you don't know how AWESOME I feel being able to write "Mel" as it is also the short form for WF's name). I really do feel like that about you. I am trying to learn all I can and I understand why you vets help out so many. It isn't easy to read when someone won't take advice. I am just trying to help wherever and whenever I can.

I already got the keyboard and mousepad worked out, talked to my mom and sister and I am coming down with a cold. Ain't LIFE grand? I realized today that is has been more than 7 months since I entered into Plan B. WOW. Time just keeps on moving forward.

I don't know if I have posted this on my thread before, but I would like to today. Every morning and every night I pray. I never really used to. My morning prayer is for the strength to get through the day without contacting Bampot. To have a soldier in the war against the affair step in Bampot and WF's path. That Bampot and WF suffer the consequences of the actions they have taken. At night, I give thanks for the strength I showed that day. Pray for my family to be safe. Also, for an angel to come to Bampot or WF and let them hear the words. Throughout this process, I have discovered my faith. I have always thought of myself as a spiritual person but I am not very religious(just because I haven't found a religion I totally believe in yet, bit and pieces yes).

Been DAYS since I posted on THIS thread. That's because there really is nothing going on. I am chugging along.

I have had a few slips of thoughts going towards Bampot and WF. I feel horrible for a while and then I get mad. I always find that after I am mad, I heal a bit. Cried a few times.

Today is my Dad's Bday. Went to my sister's for lunch. Got into a blow out with my brother and then my Mom stepped in to defend my brother. It was quite a blow up over the fact that he brought up Bampot and XBIL. I told him that he needed to grow up and gain some experiences of his own before he could lecture me on my life. This brought out the animal in my brother. He told me I never let things drop, and then he called me a Fing C, a FAT loser, as well as MANY more things. All the while, my children and nieces were listening. My Mom stepped in to defend my brother and even sunk to the, "This is why Bampot left you. You deserve what he did to you." After my brother left, my dad told my Mom she should hug me. I didn't accept the hug. She said, "I really do love you." I said, "I don't believe you." She then spent a few minutes saying, "I do. It doesn't matter if you don't believe me, it's in my heart." I responded with, "It's not enough." She even said that she HAD to defend my brother because HE needs her. I even made sure that I told my Mom that I would not be bullied and disrespected. Stinking people.

I have had moments of stinking thinking and I am trying to stop that. Again, I think that I didn't do ENOUGH in Plan A. I feel like I COULD have done a better job. I know that is because I am looking at this from the safety of my Plan B and not from when I was in Plan A. I was almost ready to be committed during that time. I did the BEST I could. I am trying the best I can in Plan B. I hold myself to a HIGH standard. Higher than I would anyone else.

I have also made some posts that were taken in the wrong light and I felt BADLY about that. Still have a lot to learn. Reading and posting when I can help without harming.

On a higher note, we have been punching the bag in our personal training(he is a boxing coach, primarily). It is a lot of fun. Even found that I am good at punching. I am a NATURAL. HAHAHAHA I even spent a few hours this evening making a web site for the gym. Lots of FUN. Plowing forward. Keeping sadness at bay, unless I need to feel it, but only for a short time. Gotta stay focused on making this life GREAT.

How horrible the attack from your brother. GRRRRR. At your Dads B-day too. My sympathys.

I was here when you did your Plan A. You did awesome, don't second guess yourself. If MY opinion matters, then please trust me. You did everything mel suggested and neak and the other vets who contributed. You asked questions and even creatively came up with your own ideas. Yes you might have been ready to be institutionalized, but that was real emotion, not the contrived kind aliens have.

You were real scotty. I remember giving my wifes 9 page eulogy I prepared, I couldn't speak without crying and my voice sounded awful. I felt so bad at my lack of control, it wasn't the triumphant disertation I had wrote and planned to deliver with conviction. It was a broken man struggling to speak, but after I was told how real it was because I was broken, and I forced myself to finish.
The emotions that you have are speaking from the heart and truth. Just like the actions you have taken. Thank God for the courage you have shown, and your conviction.

It goes like that, the greiving, you cry over things you think you should be over, then get mad for what dumb things they did, then you find yourself accepting where you are. It takes more time than we realize, and it truly is a new life. Its like the experiance of being born into a new world, and its scary at times.

Hugs to you, don't worry little sister, no improper intentions here. Plus I hear you punch real good

Did I ever tell you that when I think of you I think 'Scottie'? I can't for the life of me call you Scotland in my mind....so if I post to you and address you as Scottie, well, that is why.

I am horrified that a) your brother called you such horrible names b) Your mom took up for him c) Your mom said 'that is why he left you.'

Horrible. Just awful.

You did one of the best Plan A that I've ever seen on here. Don't second guess yourself. He may not be coming home, but it is no fault of yours. You are a great woman, a great mother and a great asset to this board. I wish I could hug you in person!

Thanx you two. Didn't post to get that, just wanted to vent a bit, and tell it like it is. That way, if there is anyone out there who is still lurking, they know that they are not alone.

I don't often think that my Plan A is the reason why Bampot isn't on his way home. I KNOW it is HIS choice and he may never make that choice. Even if he does, I won;t take it lightly. THAT is the BENEFIT of being in Plan B so long. If he had decided to come back sooner, I would have set the bar too low. Now, I KNOW that if/when he decides to make his life better, I won't SETTLE. I am finding my voice and myself again.

When I read other people's threads in Plan A, I think, "I should have done that. I could have said this." THAT is where I am questioning my Plan A. Now, I am determined to help others do a SUPERB Plan A so they can do a GREAT Plan B if necessary.

SW, I think of myself as Scotty too. I am okay with people writing Scottie/Scotty. I just like Scotty better.

LOVED when my mom shoved her finger in my face and said, "You are a real SERB." Funny, because SHE is 1/2 Serb and I am 1/4. I came back with, "I am HALF Scottish." And then I looked at my Dad. He is 100% Scottish. I was NOT disrespectful. Even when my brother was calling me names and such. THAT is an IMPROVEMENT.

Drama in my family. Guess it is just like everyone else's right? HAHAHAHAHA

Yes Scotty....everyone has this junk somewhere in their family.

At least you aren't me.....paranoid schizophrenic my congregation has fixated on me.....I'm totally freaked and have had to discuss it with the elders...He finds a seat very near me and proceeds to have conversations with invisible people all through services....I'm freaked out.

But hey......at least my mom isn't a wayward huh?

I wonder if we're related, Scottie, your family sounds almost exactly like mine...

Scotty - that kind of abuse calls for a family Plan B letter - for your brother and for your mother. If it takes three years like it did for me with my mother - of no contact, so be it.

You need to take a stand. Express your love. Express your refusal to be abused privately or publicly again. Express the pathway they would need to take in order to have contact with you. And have them contact your minister with fruits of repentance before you take anything they attempt to convey seriously.

This has gone far enough - too far.

{{{{{{{{Scotty}}}}}}}}

Sorry your family sucks.

{{{{Scotty}}}}

Don't let anyone bully you, reading your thread and all the things you have posted to me - you are an amazing woman. You have strength that I can only dream about.

(I would have sent the letter to POSOW, but that is where you are better at plan b than me)

I think it is absolutely wonderful that YOU have broken many different cycles; and that your darling boys will reap the benefits in the future of such dedicated and beautiful parenting.

I just wanted to jump in and also remind you of how much you inspire others and how amazing you are in the midst of this crazy ride.