hey my wife kicked me out of the house 2 months a go may 22 well 2 weeks later i caught her with a man well at first i told some people and my wife got mad and said it would cost her job , and i stoped. and the man shes haveing the affair with works there also . well she stop talking two me for a couple weeks and now where talking again and going places together but the affair is still going on she acts like its nothing but she hasn,t told anyone. but there still hideing it so what should i do. and i know she feels guilt because she has panic attacks when where together but i don,t want to damge any progress by exposeing it.

Welcome to MB, bennyman.

One of the first things you must do is return to your house. You have a right to live there, and unless you are having your own affair or are abusive, you should never have let your wife put you out. In this case she has kicked you out so that she can freely carry on her affair, and you should not allow that.

Could you tell us more about yourself and the affair? How long have you been married? How old are your children? DId you have any suspicions about an affair while you were living at home?

Do you have a job? Are you able to support your family from your income?

Dr Harley lays out a number of specific steps to end an affair. Where it has taken place through the workplace, the WS (waywards spouse) must leave the job, write a letter of no contact (NC) to the OP (other person) and change her email and phone numbers so that the OP cannot easily make contact again. He also recommends exposing the affair at work, and to friends and family on both sides.

The critical person that the affair must be exposed to is the OPS (other person's spouse). you must find a way of reaching this man's wife without tipping off him or your wife first, or having any letter or voicemail message intercepted by him.

If OP also lives near your area, Dr Harley says that you must move house.

Obviously, getting your wife to agree to leave her job and write a NC letter will be hard. Her having moved you out suggests that she considers the marriage finished and is trying to formalise the affair. Your moving back home and exposure will be the first step in ending this affair.

Please read this thread and answer the questions it asks. You must also read the links to Dr Harley's articles that it contains, and to exposure.

Benny,

Not only should you continue to expose, but you should expose to her boss. May she lose her job, yes. But if she had not cheated it would not be an issue.

You have to bring the A out into the open before you can stop it. Expose and Expose BIG. Do not tell her that you are going to expose any more, she will find out.

Will she be angry, Yep. But that is because you are cutting an addict off from her supply. This is your best weapon to ending the A. When she yells at you about it, simply tell her " I am going to do whatever I need to do to save our M" then change the subject.

Also move back to your house, there are numerous reasons to do this, but it is necessary.

Read up on plan A, the carrot and the stick. Also if you have time read Orchid's thread on babbling back to a WS in the fog.

yes i do work can support us and we have been married four years and i have a 14 years old stepson and been noticeing since march she was acting weird hideing her cell phone but the sex never stoped and i ask her if she was talking to some esle and she told me to stop been jealous. and on may 22 i came home on lunch and she told me to leave because i was verbal abuseive.
thats why i she want let go home but i been get counciling for it because i first i thought it was the problem. and the mans wife knows about the affair but hes realcontroling she contacted me. she told me that her husband wanted her to save up money so he could move out. And my wife told me the otherday that this guy told her that his wife is a drug head and thats whys he leaving. but the mans wife is not. this man has my wifes brain screwed up . and they work together he tells her he don,t have any money because he takes care of his wife and kid. well i think that my wife is tring to pay his rent next month. But when shes not around him she in contact with me all the time.
we went out to eat any everthing 2 days ago and she has panic attacks when am with her and she let me hugher and i told her i loved her but 2 weeks ago i couldn,t even touch her or talk to her whats up ? but also the other man family don,t know
because he puts up a good guy front . and at there work theres rumors and the other man told his wife that he would get fired if it was found out and she want tell because he controls her. well he told his wife he didn,t care if my wife lost her job.

so whats this guy really up to and should i tell the boss and his family. see i don,t want o screw up anything postive with my wife we got along really great the otherday.

Sorry you are here...

You need to...

Move back home

Expose the Affair to EVERYONE!

Read EVERYTHING on this site!! Start here

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...&Number=2370240&nt=10&page=1

The read the plan A and plan B, carrot and the stick to plan A, and START doing PLAN A.

Sorry you are here, but if you do not expose then the affair will continue, affairs thrive on secrecy, if you don't then it will not end.

I think I'd tell her her behavior drives the story you tell.

If she continues the affair, then the true story you tell is that she chose another man over you and wanted you out of the home you helped make.

If she ends the affair and builds a marriage, the story you tell is that you and your wonderful wife built a better marriage after a rocky period.

Either way you are going to expose a story. What story it is depends largely on her behavior.

And move back home. NEVER leave the home, never let a wayward take the children with them.

I did the first, but failed at the 2nd because it didn't occur to me my ex-wife would have an affair.

But don't let her shift the blame for the story you tell. Her behavior drives the story. Be clear on that message.

If you accept what is happening now, it will continue to happen and only get worse.

If your home is joint property, your WW can't keep you out of it. Move back home. If she wants to continue the A, she can leave. And yes, you need to expose the A. Finally, I suggest checking the divorce laws in your country. If I'm right about where I think you're located, they work in your favour, but you have to do something within six months of disclosure.

why is she keeping contact with me , and i don,t know how to move home should i tell her i want to to come home she change the locks on the house and she will let me come over there but her mother stays they with my stepson and her mom hates me for no reason so i am in a bind with going home. her mother don,t want us together she got mad at my wife for going out to eat and shoping with me my wife told me that her mom thinks by her going places with me that she was going to take me back so what should i do.

Who owns that home?

Your WW can't keep you out of your own home.

we both do she treatins with a protective order when she first kick me out

1. You can go home. Buy a new lock, go over there when you know your stepson is home and your wife isn't. Knock on the door. When he lets you in, replace the lock right then. Move in RIGHT THEN.

2. Expose the affair, and allow your wife to be fired from her job. She can go out and get another job. You cannot just go out and get another wife.

3. Your wife's mother can be angry or happy. She can also move out of your house. You can inform her of her right to leave and be happy, or to stay and be civl, or to leave and be hateful. You should tell her that if her plans are to stay and be hateful, that she will be EVICTED, because only people who support your marriage and DENOUNCE ADULTERY will remain in the house. Her choice. Tell her to let you know what her plans are.

4. Stop being verbally abusive. You need to understand what the following terms mean, and make sure you are NOT doing any of them:

Disrespectful judgements (DJ)
Angry outbursts(AO)
Lovebusters (LB)

5. Go into Plan A, right now. Look this up on the website, and start taking control of what YOU ARE DOING. Do not worry about what your wife is doing

because you do NOT control her.

Control YOURSELF, and you will see a huge change in your life.



Also, for the sake of my own personal sanity, PLEASE try using some punctuation.


Schoolbus

Does she have a reason to do this?

Do you have children? Why not go to court and document that she's having an affair and it threatening to file a false protective order and her actions have you afraid for your children and your legitimate relationship with them.

If she wants to have an affair, she can take the step-child as you likely have no legal standing with that child, and you'll care for your children until she ends the affair and it's emotionally and physically safe for you and your children for her to return home.

See a lawyer. If there is no history of abuse and you have proof of the affair, perhaps you can turn the tables.

Time to talk to a lawyer. Your WW currently has no legal grounds to keep you out of your own home. I'm sensing however that she's the type that will not hesitate to lie in order to get one. Do you have access to a voice-activated recorder? If you do, have it on and on your person at all times when engaging your WW in any sort of conversation. On getting back into your home, you've got a battle ahead of you, and one of the best weapons in that battle are your WW's words, which you can use against her.

Is your MIL (mother-in-law) living in your home?

no my mother law is not she just stays there as some guard lol she has a apartment and thats where my wife the other man goes on lunch and she stays up there during the night and sees him and her mother allows it

ok i how should i tell my wifes boss i know that where she works they do not approve of this , i just don,t want to come off as some angry husband to her boss. like am tring to get her in trouble because where spilt. Her boss doesnt know . just rumors are going around. and i should i tell my wife if she thinks this has went far and she don,t know what to do. she can just come home and stop and quit her job. because she guilt she told me so she can,t sleep panic attacks. And she was well known in the town where we live sunday school teacher president of the womens club in our town. and so on.

How old are you and your wife?

Has either of you been married before?

How long have you known each other, and how did you meet?

As far as you know, has she ever been unfaithful to a previous partner?

I have the feeling from reading this that you have not read the "Exposure" link that I referred to in my first post to you. If you had read this, you would understand how to go about exposing her to her bosses and how NOT to "come off as some angry husband to her boss". You would also understand how her being known in your town as a Sunday School teacher and president of the Women's Club is a GOOD thing, because having her affair become known to people who respect her would help the affair to wither.

Her shame would be a good thing.

Please read the Exposure link and learn why this is necessary and how it works.

am 27 and my wife is 30 yes she was married before when she was 15 years old had a child and was beat it he cheated on her and i think she cheated on he to get back. there marrige didn,t last about 2 years