LOL...that sounds about right! Although if this quote from his latest conversation with DB is any indication, then freedom is exactly what he wants. They are talking about the "golf" weekend they want to take at the end of August.

�If I�m around that weekend, maybe I�ll tag along. I�ll see what the story is with my wife. She�s not going to want me to go but I would love to go, believe me. I don�t know what the [censored] her problem is. Enough of this. Well not mad but she�ll probably be like uh, I�m pregnant. That�ll be her excuse. Oh yeah? That means I can never go again. You trapped me, b*tch! Exactly, what the [censored], you know? What do you want me to do? I got stress in my life. I got to be around there every f*cking day? My life is very depressing. Leave me alone.�


This is exactly what I'm doing. I'm taking his lead and doing my own thing and not worrying about him so much (but still snooping). Anything to get me through this difficult time and get me and the kids to a better place!


Thanks! That is so nice of you and it's so nice to know that others are there for me.

What a horrible thing to read. I am so sorry.

Thanks. This was actually from the VAR so I had to hear him say it which was worse. But it's making me realize how things really are and not how I thought they were all these years.

(((((Snoopy)))))

This had to be very hard to read. I don't want to minimize this horrible sewage that he is spewing but I do believe that alot of this is bravado for DB. It doesn't make it any less painful to read though.

You've mentioned that you need to take time to get things aligned financially so that you can stand on your own if needed when the time comes. About how long do you expect that to take roughly? Are we talking a few months or are we talking years? How much more of this disrespect can you take?

Like I said in an earlier post, I didn't read this, I heard him say it on the VAR. Not easy but these are things I need to hear. He sounded very resentful so I don't think it's bravado but rather is true feelings. It's starting to hurt a bit less as time goes on which I'm sure is just proof of my empty LB which some are so concerned about. Too bad WH isn't concerned about me.

As for my timeline, I am hoping to get this taken care of over the next year. The reason it will take that long is because the baby is coming in a few months so I need some extra time. But if things change in some way, I will adjust accordingly. I can take whatever I have to in order to prepare for a better life for me and my kids.

Anne, while your (W)H's case is a bit different in the details, I think it's still important to point out that, right now, he is NOT himself. I've seen it many times on the boards here, and experience it firsthand in my own M, where infidelity not only throws what the BS thought was the truth of their M in question, but also causes such a character change that many are left wondering if THIS wayward is who they really were the whole time.

I would say, almost 100% of the time, that that is NOT true. The WS is completely alien to the "original" spouse. So you may still have a good spouse somewhere in there, should he do the work and should you choose to give him another chance after all of this.

Oh, and I think you and mindshare cross-posted above.

Anne,

Just another perspective... Sorry you had to listen to that. I am impressed with your patience. Reading your thread, I keep hoping there will be a breakthrough.

Anyway Consider the trash he is talking to and maybe that's why he's talking like that to some extent. Hanging around lowlifes can validate that kind of attitude especially when the alien has invaded your WH.
Somehow I don't see conversations with DB really being a true reflection of his feelings for you.

That said. Your WH is a first class idiot and you are an awesome lady. I hope he wakes up.

Thanks for pointing that out to me and I will try to keep that in mind. However, I have heard a few things that indicate this behavior might date back to as early as when he was in law school shortly after we met (around 18 years ago). IF that's the case, then this would indicate to me that this ist he way he really is. I do know that some of the behavior and lying dates back to when we were engaged which was 12 years ago. So, I'm not sure who my "original" spouse is but am trying to find out and, more important, protect me and my kids and set us up for our future either with or without him.

Thanks xcuseme. As everyone on here knows, it's not easy but it is necessary. I have my moments but I am doing okay considering the circumstances.

True I should consider the trash he is talking to and I do. However, I also have to keep in mind that this trash is his best friend and has been for 25 years. This is the person he talks to, laughs with and confides in and has for years. What does that say about WH? WH doesn't talk to me, never wants to spend time with me (unless he is seeking SF) and pretty much spends the time he's with me ignoring me. We had the house to ourselves the other night for a few hours. Want to know what he did? He went upstairs to watch TV ALONE! I think he's showing me his true feelings for me by his actions as well as his words to DB. I just don't think this man wants to be with me. And if we didn't have children, I'm not sure he would be.

Thanks for your last statement. I have stronger words for him than idiot but I'll refrain and simply agree with you I hope he wakes up too but I need to be realistic about the chances of that happening which I don't feel are good at this point. But every day I'm getting stronger and becoming more indepedent. This will only help me whether I stay or leave.

I just found out that the IT guy at WH's work is coming out on August 9 for "routine maintenance". My thought is that I should uninstall keylogger (it's on WH's work laptop) to be safe. Then I can reinstall after the IT guy's visit. Any thoughts from those of you who are more tech savvy than I am?

I don't know Anne....It probably won't hurt to uninstall better safe than sorry....but I can tell you that my XH who is a programmer couldn't find the keylogger that I installed on his laptop even after I told him it was there (by presenting all the evidence I had). The one I used was EBlaster. I actually had to uninstall it...

Now he isn't a PC expert...he writes code, or more accurately, at this point, manages people who write code. But I think the keyloggers are pretty stealth.

Hey Snoopy! I hope you are alright with me still calling you that!!

I kinda dobut that the IT guy will find the keylogger but on the other hand, why run the risk? If you get the opportunity you might want to uninstall it during that time. It doesn't sound like it's get you a ton of intel anyway so a few days without probably won't matter much.

I want to raise another concern with you. I'm getting the distinct feeling that your LB balance is getting lower and lower with each passing day. I'm worried that you are going to stay in this mode for such a long time that your LB will be completely empty and no matter what WH does at confrontation time you will be done. Just be careful about this if you at all want a chance to possibly save the marriage. This happened to me in my sitch. Things went on to long and I didn't do a Plan B and one day I woke up and that was it. I was done. It literally happened over night for me. Nothing could turn things back around for me after that. I had been through to much. You could be heading down a similar path so I just want to warn you about it now. You may even be more prone to this because of the preganancy. I think you will be deeply resentful of WH that he has tainted the pregnancy and birth of your child with his shenanigans. I completely understand your reasons for the path you are on but I would be remiss if I didn't raise this to your attention.

Just something to think about....like you don't have enough already eh?

Yes, love it!


I'm going to try to uninstall it if I can. It's not worth the risk. I can resintall the first chance. I don't get a lot from it anyway and I will still have access to his email.


I really do appreicate your concern. Honestly I know you have a point but I feel strongly that this is the best path for me to follow. I need to protect my future and that of my kids in the event that this doesn't work out.


Honestly, I already am deeply resentful of the fact that he has tainted my pregnancy. I found out about his other life a little over two weeks after telling him I was pregnant. This situation has overshadowed my entire pregnancy and I really don't know if I will ever be able to forgive him for that. Or if he will want my forgiveness.

I do thank you for bringing up these issues. It is something I think about and have taken into consideration. As much as i would love to have this be over (one way or another), I think it's vital I prepare myself for the worst possible outcome before forcing a confrontation.

Thank you again. It's nice to know that there are good people out there. Give what I'm surrounded by, that can be hard to remember.

Since I have no idea what "routine maintenance entails, I will play it safe and uninstall if I can.

How are you? Hope things are going well!

Routine maintenance? Sounds to me like, "I think my wife my be spying on me so can you come on over and check out my PC and maybe my phones?" Also, if this is a laptop he's having maintenance on, why not have the IT guy do it in the office? This doesn't make much sense to me. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why the guy would have to come to your home for this.

He's not coming to our house. I found this out because the office manager at his work emailed him letting him know the IT guy was coming to the office on August 9th for routine maintenance. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.

Oh, okay. That makes much more sense to me.

I just wish I knew if "routine maintenance" has anything to do with WH's laptop. If not, then I could leave it on. If it does though...you just never know what might happen!

Alright Snoop.... I was pretty sure this would be your response and I totally understand what you are trying to do. You are indeed one strong lady!

I just felt that I needed to point out that following your current plan may also give you no chance of recovery if your LB balance hits empty. Just wanted to let you know that it can really sneak up on you, especially under months and months of continued dishonesty and disrepect from WH.

I agree better safe than sorry and remove it, but if what you are saying is true that IT is just doing routine maintenance, then I think they won't find it. They would be checking to make sure the anti-virus is up to date and the laptop has all the security patches, running updates, maybe installing a software update
However if they are looking at the laptop because of a reported problem such as slowness or something that your WH called them about, it's likely they will find it. Even if they find that something is on there, your configuration information and email info should be password protected inside the application.

My 2 cents