What queenie said rings true, my wifes addiction issues were part of a labrinynth of emotional problems that messed with her in many ways. But the main theme is the fear, stubborness and denial cycle they live in, going from one to the other it seems.

Everyone is different and has different experiances in this so I wont attempt to predict where your WH is, but it is probably part of the denial which is prompting his drinking, along with the selfish motivation of hiding out from the truth.


Either way, You can only show him the door, he has to walk thru it, and its not your responsibility to keep him upright. Its his. beleive Me, God can do a better job at getting his attention if we put it in his hands. All the crying and sorrys should be directed at Him, not anyone else.

One thing that I am proud of is that I never once begged or cried when he told me that nothing had changed. As a matter of fact I told him to get out that I wanted nothing else to do with him. I cried later when I was alone.

No, I am not saying that at all. I don't pretend to even know that.

I'm just saying that it was very understandable for me to buy into the affair being an addiction theory because I am one myself and I could see the similarities.

Never underestimate the power of a praying wife... (a book or somebody else's quote)

My DH used to freak out when I would tell him that I was praying and that I had other people praying for him. He used to tell me to NOT pray for him because he knew.

Power of a Praying wife is a book of prayers by a woman named Stormie. I have that book and another one by her. It is a good book and use her prayers and come up with my own.

Want everyone to know that I appreciate all your support. I know I have said this before but I really do appreciate it. We never tell each other thank you enough. I love everyone here.

I want to share this wonderful post from one of the participants on the Eckhart Tolle forum of which I am part of.

I am confuzzled... Is your Wh living with you or out of the house?
Are his "things" still there?

Seriously I hope he has left. This is not going to be pretty...

I think WH still lives with Phoenix as he has no where to go.
Blessing

Yes, H still lives at home but sleeps in DD19's room. He cannot afford to move out and legally I cannot make him leave. I don't talk to him or acknowledge him. He tries to talk to me but I ignore him.

Impossible situation. What does WS think will happen. He can't just exist in his waywardness in the house. What is HIS plan.

His choices?

He can rent a room in some fleabag house

He can work on the M

He can join AA

Please join Alanon. You can only change yourself. It is a good start for yourself.

Yeah but she has been Mommy so long now she finds it hard to kick him out, change the locks, and there is allways the complications legally if she files separation papers ar whatever it would take to get him to leave.

If she does anything legally the consequences might damage an allready damaged marraige right?

Maybe someone has an idea on how to get him out when he just can't takea the hint that he is hurting her the more wimpy he acts.

My vote is change the locks if he won't leave voluntarily.

My vote is that she starts making changes within her self.

Insanity is keep doing more of the same and expecting different results.

Get to Alnon and learn how not to enable. Continue Plan B. Does H give money to the house? Time to put on those big girl pants and protect yourself.

I believe that she handles all the bills herself. She told us way back.

Alanon is an excellent choice of course and I too recommend it. There are some great people who can be supportive and are very insightful.

Legally I cannot kick him out of the house. I can change the locks but he can break in and I could not stop him. And yes I pay for everything since he lost a good paying job because of his affair. He only makes $11/hr and he has too much credit card debt. Plus he smokes now which he didn't use to do and won't stop. If I could get him out I would. The only choice I have now is get a divorce with me getting the house, then he would have to leave. I am going for a simple dissolution of marriage in Florida. That means we just divide everything up ourselves and no lawyers involved. It will only take about 30 days to go through. Actually I am going to file on my own and have him served. I don't need him to agree with the divorce. I think he thinks I won't do it but he is wrong.

This is frustrating because you don't seem to be able to plan B.

You have been hoping and praying and there doesn't seem to be a way for you to use MB to help your marriage.

You have asked him to get out and he refuses?

is there anyone who can convince him to go? Besides the law.

I know change is hard. I am the poster child for this.

But until we change there will be no new results. Would you rather have this drifting and be second best till he changes? He is not going to change till he sees your new eyes.

You are running the hotel and he is a guest that gets every benefit and he is not even paying.

We are rooting for you.

I don't want a divorce but I have no choice anymore. He won't work on the marriage and he keeps saying it is over and that he doesn't feel any different than he did when he came back. He has told me several times that he loves me but not as a husband loves a wife. Look, I know that you don't have all the guilt and stress that he had if you don't care and love someone and he did. I also know that when you drink all inhibitions are gone and you say and do things you wouldn't say or do normally because they are there hiding inside you. My H has told a couple of times he loves me when he had been drunk. I never even said that I loved him or asked him if he loved me. The next day he says he doesn't remember it and that I can't take what he says seriously when he is drunk. I know he does love me but he has to clear his mind of all this fog and realize this. But I don't know if I can wait for him to realize this.

Emailed a friend of mine today who is a therapist. We have been friends for over 30yrs and just to let everyone know we were high school sweethearts. I haven't seen him in over 25 yrs. and have no urge to. He is happily married with 2 little girls. The reason we never got married is because he decided to become a priest. After I got married he left the seminary a year later and a year after that he got married. I am not involved with him emotionally so don't worry about that. He has been my friend through this thing and very supportive and giving me advice. He has let me sound off in emails over the months. This was the first time in months that I've emailed him. He is probably going not again. His wife knows about the emails and she reads them and I want her to. As a matter of fact I requested that she read them so she would not have to worry about anything. So I was trying to protect his marriage as well. He doesn't have to worry about his marriage because thay do everything together and talk all the time. He has a great marriage, a marriage that I wish I had. He got it right and I am proud of him.

Phoenix, whether he loves you or not is irrelevant. His actions are what counts.
YOu deserve to be with someone who WANTS to be with you, who says PHOENIX I enjoy your company and your love immensely.
YOu deserve this.
A person who lovers another acts very differently from our WHs, truly.
They do not love anybody especially themselves. They are not capable of love right now, they are only capable of addictions.
Blessing

I think you should only email your friend for advice, and with the approval of your husband. If you are looking for a friendship from an xBF who is married, you are looking for trouble. This is an EP that you should have on yourself, don't build a friendship with a married man.