Thanks LG! Yes, I certainly AM a better person for fighting the good fight, taking the high road. My kiddos are #1 and #1a in my life...and will be FOREVER!

Seriously, one freakin reply? Guess everyone forgot about me...no worries though...it's really great to be away from this forum and all the sad stories I read here. Even just reading for 5 minutes has me stressed, feeling down and feeling for all the peeps here suffering through affairs. Sucks!

Hold your heads high people...and know from LG that while affairs suck, divorce is waaaaaAAAAAaaaay worse. But it does get better...slowly. Be strong people! LG, out.

LG:

Sorry that I was the only one....

Real quiet weekend, all the way around.

Oh well.

Travel well.

LG

Hey LG,

Give us a break. IF you would update more often we won't be wondering LG???? Who is LG??? Oh yeah now I remember. Some of us are qualified to hide out own Easter eggs. I was certified a decade ago.

I'm glad this is coming to an end for you and that it seems to be a reasonable settlement for you. Give us an update soon.

I am curious has reality ever hit your W?

God Bless,

JL

I read your post....totally related to how this site sometimes makes me feel worse now that I am divorced from my WH. In fact, part of the reason I didn't reply was I thought you weren't gonna come back! LOL


I agree! Life goes on. Best to you!

Good to hear from you LG!

JL: Point taken. I do not visit this site very often for a few reasons:

1. Working full time (and then some), teaching nights, still developing my photog business, and most importantly of all, taking care of my DDs leaves me little time for anything else.
2. As said before, coming here is not healthy for me...it reminds me of the hard times, drags me back in to the drama of affairs, seeing other people's sorrow and anguish. I must have positive in my life. There is positive in this forum, but lots of sadness and sorrow.

On the STBx: Well, our interactions are cordial and civil. We are actually pretty nice to one another, although I do see her growing more distant. And that is okay. As some of you know, I handed her D-papers in May�she fell apart, begged me for another chance, completely changed her lifestyle, did everything she could to win me back. My decision was not changing.

I learned the following bit of information just a few months ago when she and I had a sit-down, heart to heart: she hit rock bottom in late September and even contemplated harming herself. Didn�t tell anyone, not ever her BFF. At that point in time she decided to move on with her life and realized that I was not going to take her back. Judging from her non-verbal�s, it was at that time that she started seeing other men, or in her words, �moved on with life.�

I have no solid proof of this, just my gut feelings. I think there was a guy she got pretty serious with in the fall. But I do not believe it lasted. She came to house and asked for her passport in January�and I had a gut feeling she was taking a trip�a trip with a man. Confronted her in February and just flat out said, �let�s stop this cat-mouse game�I�m pretty sure you are taking a trip and I�m pretty sure it�s with a man.� She said yes, she was taking a trip with a guy.

I told her that was her business and I didn�t care if she was seeing someone since we were divorcing. And I asked her to say those words to me�she nodded. I said, �no, I want you to say you aren�t going to bust me on settlement talks�and that I can date, see women.�

I know it sounds strange, but I just needed to hear those words from her mouth. She almost couldn�t say it. Even though she was seeing someone pretty seriously, serious enough to plan a trip with them, she still was visibly upset that I was even going to start seeing other women.

For the record, I went on two dates in the fall�but it didn�t feel right�so I swore off women. It was only after she �released me� that I even thought about �dating.�

Help me understand this one: why would a woman who had multiple affairs, a woman who could go out and sleep with other men while married to me, with a family at home, why would such a woman have an issue with me dating after 10 months of separation and a final divorce decree in the near future? I just don�t get it. How come it was okay for her when we were married�but makes her so upset to even think about me �dating� after we are apart?

Anyway, her interactions with me are, as I have said, cordial and even nice. There are times I can tell she is upset just by reading her non-verbal�s and tone of voice. But I don�t have to fix her problems any more. I cannot. She doesn�t have a good relationship with her parents, but the two BFFs that hid her affairs from me stick by her side. I don�t have much interactions with her at all.

As I said, her attorney is drawing up a divorce decree. The attorney�s will probably find a way to string this out and wring some more $$ out of us. At least there is light at end of tunnel. I have my daughters, have my health, have my friends and family. And that�s all that really matters to me.

I do wish the STBx well. I sincerely hope she figures out just what went wrong, why she had multiple affairs. I hope she doesn�t go down this road again. And I hope she doesn�t fall hard for a guy, and have him do the affair thing to her. No one, I repeat, no one deserves to suffer that pain. And I hope some day she finds peace and happiness. I know I will.

That�s all for now. Back to grading papers. Take care, LG, out

LG


Depending on the level of science to which you relate, the simple explanation for your question is:

She is hooked on the PEA rush from an infatuation. At the same time, she is attached to you by an oxytocin based affection.

PEA = phnylethylamine.

I wish I could detail it in layman's terms.

Larry

Quick update: DDay#3 one-year anniv. came and went without much drama or fanfare. D-papers-day one-year anniv. was interesting...as I was on a date I kind of like her.

More later...(maybe)

LG! I don't know what my name was last time we "spoke" but I was sadsosad then madsomad and I am now DancesWithGoats, all to reflect the changes. I just had to stop in and say hello. I have been gone from here for quite a while and am now just recently back to work some more. It sounds as if you are well on your way back to a happy life. I am so pleased for you!

I have also been away to do some healing. I checked back because I have recently been feeling stuck. I am glad to hear that you are making progress. My divorce was final last November. It is amazing how quickly you can get divorced in Arkansas if infidelity is involved. I'm glad I wasn't living in California when all of this happened. I would still be waiting to be freed. Good luck on your dating. Glad to hear that work is going well!

Update: The divorce proceedings grind on slowly...STBx and I struck a deal over four months ago. And now she wants to re-negotiate(?) I suspect her attorney is whispering something in her ear. I just want what is best for my dear daughters.

Been seeing the same woman for a few months now. I've met her brother and sister, and she's met my brother. We have not met each others kids, and plan to take things S L O W. Kids don't even know we are dating. She's funny, smart, caring, respectful and kind of rammy -- I like that! We are equals in this relationship, and it's a good thing.

I think back to the STBx and how, after DDay#2, she just sat back and let me do all the heavy lifting. Then after DDay#3 and me asking her to leave, watching her try her hardest for "just one more chance." But you know, a year is a long time...lots of self reflection, venting, anger, healing and even forgiveness. STBx has been seeing someone for 6 months (not an OM while we were married from what I can tell) I hope it works out for her.

The woman I'm dating now is very nice. Today is her birthday and we are going to dinner, then meeting some of her friends for drinks. Neither of us are big "party" people, so we are plotting our escape from the partiers. I've watched and listened and think I have some pretty good gifts lined up for her.

It is nice to experience happiness after such a long, dark period in my life. Divorce is truly a horrible thing, a long dark tunnel of despair. But light is finally starting to shine at the end of the tunnel. I actually started editing pictures again recently...something I loved to do, but lost my way this past year. I might even pick up a fishing rod here soon

That's all for now. Affairs suck...divorce is WORSE...but I'm hear to tell you life goes on. It didn't kill me (although some days I thought it would), and it HAS made me stronger.

God Bless, LG

Hi Lawful,

I also curious why the divorce is going so slowly. Do you have a lawyer on your side finding the delay.

I always suspect lawyers like to stretch it out in order to make themselves more money?

Where are the days when it was an honorable thing to be a lawyer?

Does this woman know that you are still married? Is she secure with that knowledge?

ugh, LG, my friend, I am sad to read that you are dating before the divorce is final. I did the same thing after my last husband left me. I was so emotionally vulnerable that I found myself in love very quickly. I would have fallen in love with a tree if it waved at me after what I had been through.

The problem, besides being married, is that we are so vulnerable that our judgement is impaired. My feelings overwhelmed my judgement and led me to ignore big red flags. I found myself engaged ONE WEEK after my divorce was final.

And you can see the rocky beginnings of my marriage.

Does this woman know you are married?

Thanks Imagine. Appreciate your words.

Melody and Sugar, yes, she knows my divorce is not final yet. Do you seriously think I would not share that bit of information with her MINUTE ONE?

I ask my STBx to leave the house over a year ago, battle through the most difficult time in my life, find a new job (jobs), I�m there for my kids each and every day of their lives. I see a counselor regularly, as do my kids. I journal, think about life, read books, blogs�and I spent months trying to negotiate a settlement directly with my STBx to avoid the ugliness of divorce, save some bones. I try my best to treat STBx with dignity and respect, especially in front of the kiddos. We were inches from signing the official paperwork a few months ago�but STBx drags her feet, then decides she wants to renegotiate. UG!

And I decide it is time that I look for some happiness in my life. So I start dating. After many dates that just didn�t work out I meet someone I like and who has similar thoughts on parenting, life, etc. We take things slow. We continue to take things slow. There is no rush to get engaged, or even meet each other�s kids.

I�ve had long talks with my family, friends and counselor � and this is the right path for me. Not one person questions the path I�m taking�and honestly, I do NOT need approval from anyone for my actions. I ask God every day for three things:

1. Bless my STBx and my kiddos
2. Bless my family, friends and watch over them
3. If it is Gods will, let someone enter my life who I can be happy with, share my life and family with�to be my equal, my friend, my confidant.

So I come back here hoping to share a little light in my life�and the first thing I hear from you two is �does this woman know you aren�t officially divorce yet�(?) Seriously!!?? How bout a little �hey, LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out��(?).

What�s next�yet another barrage of peeps here suggesting I give my STBx �just one more chance�for the good of your girls��

I know I�m not the poster child for all things marriagebuilders, cause I did opt for Plan D. But to jump on my thread, after all I�ve been through, after I have found some small slice of happiness, and to question my honesty (does she know I�m not married) and my integrity (dating before it�s official), come on now. Seriously???

[note, I don�t expect replies, and I�m not going to engage in an argument about anything I�ve written here�I�m simply jumping in every once and a while and giving you all an update. Nuff said]

God bless, LG

LG, as far as I am concerned you ARE the poster child for Marriage Builders! Divorce is the definition of success in your case! I am very happy you are getting a divorce. You paid a high price to get out of this marriage.

And I don't question your integrity, I question the common sense of a woman who dates a married man! I question the common sense of a married man who dates! Until you are divorced there is always a chance you might go back. Jumping into a relationship so soon is bad news for the reasons I gave.

We haven't changed a bit around here, LG. We are not going to just tell you what you WANT to hear. I'm sorry, but dating while you are still married is to play with fire. What kind of friends would we be if we didn't say so?

LG -- I did follow your thread through the tough times, and I'm happy you are happy. Glad you are checking in from time to time. We continue to root for you!!

Hey, LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out!

Seriously, your thread was one of those that I followed, and I'm happy that you're finding a measure of peace.

Hey LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out.

Glad you are finally finding some peace and enjoying life again....It's great hearing that you can come out of a situation like this with hope for a future. I realize a lot of hurting has happened to get to this point....
Enjoy your girls and your new lady, take things slowly and just keep an open mind to what life has to offer you now...
Keep moving forward, thanks for the inspiration.....