About a year ago, my husband of 20+ years decided that he wanted to "date" other women and stay married. Of course, I said no and that we should sell our house and get divorced. He agreed for a while. But, he quickly started manipulating and bullying me. I've never agreed to this situation. He dates pretty openly now. He's on the ever popular POF website and is listed as divorced, even though he isn't. The house WON'T sell!! So, it's been a year and in that year he's stopped working. He says that he won't pay child support. Somehow I've turned out to be the bad guy in this thing. Managed to buy himself a whole new wardrode, maxed out credit cards, still spends money like crazy. I'm the only one working now. Our house is 2 months behind on payments. I do have money for an attorney. I talked to one locally, but I wasn't too impressed. I'm in the San Diego area and need a really good attorney, if anyone has one. I've let this thing go on too long. I feel so helpless and alone. Everytime I try to talk to him about money, he walks away. Or he says "you decide" if there is a decision to make. Also everytime we try to talk things out, he's totally unreasonable. I don't know how I've managed to become the bad guy. I'm the victim here. He the cheater. He just wants it all. He wants me to "let" him sleep around (including with the neighbors nanny) and stay married to me and sleep with me. Yuk! He even said he wasn't going to use protection. I don't get it. I'm not a person who likes to cause problems. This is probably why he's been successful in manipulating me for so long. I need to find the strength to confront him one last time and file for divorce. I would appreciate any and all advise and comments, including a San Diego area attorney.

Yes, you have let this go on too long!!

You need to get some protection going ASAP. Get a separation going before you are responsible for his dating debts, lose the house or get tapped to support him.

He should be made to leave.

Do not sleep with him, go get tested if you have since all this started.

You need to protect yourself and be able to provide for your kids.

Obviously, he has no concern for his health, your health, kids provision, etc.

Sounds like a self-centered teenager!!

Mid-life crisis?

Quitting his job so you can support him and he has no income to contribute to taking care of his kids? Hard to let that go.

Man up, woman, find a DivorceCare group in your area, find some support group.

Consider calling the Harley's for a counseling appt. for YOU to get a plan on how to handle this -- if you see a possibility of recovering your marriage.

First priority -- even if he is still living at home - you need a legal separation in place to protect your fast diminishing money or you will lose everything from the way he is behaving.

You are severely being taken advantage of by your husband.

Get going, overcome your fear of "causing a problem." He already has.

Do it for your kids if that's the only way you can get going.

San Diego is big enough to have a good pool of lawyers to choose from. Ask around. Check out Superlawyers on line, but get someone to get something legal in place before your whole family sinks into this man's swill.

I know, I know. Thanks for the kick in the pants. I needed that.

No problem.
Good luck.

Go to the "surviving an affair" forum and call out SDGuy and Believer. They are both divorced and from the SD area.

Thanks!!

I'd also check out the domestic abuse centers and see if they have some legal resources you can tap into.