I am a FWW and H and I are in recovery. All MB principals are in place and things are better. There has been complete NC with OM and I am glad of that. Here is the latest problem. I am haunted by dreams of this OM. The dreams are very real and vivid and I almost always wake up feeling sick and so guilty. I know that I have no control over the dreams but when I have them, its almost like having contact with him. I have not discussed this with H as I know it would hurt him. I am being honest when I say that during the day I do not think about him all the time or wish that I was with him. It has been almost three months since we have seen or talked to each other.....and the FOG has most definately lifted. Please, any
comments or suggestions are welcomed.

I know you can't control your dreams, but you can change your thought patterns. While I was gone for 10 days in plan B, I had so many terrible nightmares! I mean UNREAL nightmares, dreams that I have never dreamed about, and most of them weren't even about the OM, they were vivid dreams I remember, and I knew they were all fake because they just didn't seem soo REAL! After that they became more and more real to me, and I started to get frightened even woke up a couple times in a dead sweat!

When I realized what it was, they stopped all together!

You see during my 9 month of Affairs I was not the same person, I was mean, nasty, unkind, manipulated, lied etc....and guess who has those same qualities? SATAN!

When I left 6 hours of leaving I had a change of heart, and the fog lifted, I was focusing on POSITIVE thoughts through out the day, thinking about wheels, my family, love, etc. It was kinda a way to tell satan that he had NO POWER of me, and I can resist him!

But when I sleep how ever, was different, you can't control your thoughts while you sleep, and there is where satan would work on me, if only I can describe some of the dreams to you. They were not pleasant, but I knew they were fake and I just went through my day reading, praying, and getting help threw my sister.

Until one day I took a nap after crying for 3 hours missing my family when that dream was so real to me I woke up sweating and panicky.

When I realized who it was sending me those dreams, I immediately prayed and ask god to protect me while I slept. I have not had a bad dream since then....

Not sure if that helps, but I figure I can put my two cents worth in about dreams.

Thank you so much for responding without knocking me around. Sometimes when waywards post people can be mean. I have never thought about it in the way you described it but it makes sense. I am strong during the day and have rerouted my thought process to exclude the YUCKY thoughts I had during the time I was involved. During my sleep, I am vunerable to Satan. Thanks again.....I plan to spend time praying for protection!

I know it sounds scary, but it would be good if you could tell your H about these dreams. I had them too. In fact, even 4 years later, they happen every once in a blue moon. It has nothing to do with wanting the OM. It's just a dream. I would, when I woke pray and maybe read a few verses. And talking about it actually helped because it was out in the open then, and it seems to be the secret things that haunt dreams.

No problem! I didn't know how to respond and not make it sound and be awkward about it...I even called wheels and told him to read what I posted...because that was the only thing I can say regarding dreams, I am sure there are other ways to help, but that is what helped me

GOOD LUCK!!

itsamess,

I have heard it said and my life experience seems to support what I heard, that dreams are your minds way of working things out. They exaggerate issues, they morph them into something else because your brain is working.

I like the suggestions you have had so far. I would also encourage you to talk with your H about your dreams and here is why. Obviously your brain is working on something and clearly it has to do with the affair and how you feel about the affair, not necessarily about OM, he is a symbol most likely. You talking with your H, asking him what he thinks they may mean, and then you two discussing how to address them.

How to address them? I'm thinking you holding your H's hand or touching him as you sleep might help the dreams to go away. Or perhaps him touching you/holding your hand, something simple that reminds your sleeping brain what your awake brain KNOWS. You love your H and you want to be with him.

I would also discuss with your H things he can do to bring comfort to you while you are in bed. Perhaps a massage, perhaps simply a kiss. Things you could do for him.

My point, this puts the focus on you and your H. It reinforces that you two love one another and want this marriage to work, and My guess with a little experimenting you two can come up with something.

In light of the previous comments perhaps something like a prayer together before retiring might settle your mind.

I like the others don't think you should hide from this, but face it with your H. Let him know you trust him with the dreams YOU fear the most and let him be part of the solution and part of you. I am thinking he would be honored to be trusted so much. BS' need to know they are needed and yes even trusted enough to open up to.

Please think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks so much to all who have posted. I know that for many, posting to a FWW is hard. I will admit that I will have to think about sharing the dreams with my H. I am scared that he will think....I dream about OM because I want to be with him, and that is not true. Thanks for all the suggestions for what might help. Thank goodness last night was a dream FREE night!

SapphireReturns..>I WISH my wife were receptive. She has had nightmares this week...your post hits is on the head (in my opinion). One day, perhaps. Until then, keep posting as you are inspirational.