You would think after all my ex put me through I would have learned my lesson.

She is forcing me to move out, she needs her "space". She claims she does not want to make a decision about us till she has some time. She says she cannot trust her judgement without time.

Meanwhile she still stays in contact with the other guy. Claims all that happened was that he kissed her, but she did not kiss him back!! (guess that makes it ok)

When we talk bout it she claims she is not sure she wants a relationship with either one of us.

I'm soo glad after five years I can be put on the same level as this guy.

I am soo frustrated at this point. I have changed everything, I am a new man in everyway way. That does not seem to matter.


All the signs are pointing to a repeat of my last...

Why can't I let go!!

Jason,

You said

I am sooo glad to hear this. It means you are capable of keeping a new (better) woman happy and that means you move up in class.

I am not joking here. If you truly have addressed your issues from deployment. If you truly have learned from all of this experience and if you are truly a better man, a better father, a better human being, then perhaps it is time for a better woman in your life. What is a better woman? She is a woman that you can love and that can love and appreciate who you are and who you have become.

You are still very young. If you married this year you will be married a "quater of a century" by the time you reach my age, and I have no intention of "hanging it up" at my age.

You cannot make people do what they don't want to do. What you can do is become a man that you are very proud to be and you can then look people in the eyes and not feel you have to apologize for who you are and how you treat people.

Keep stepping up your life and your worth as a human, and you will find a woman that appreciates you.

Think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL,

I am by no means "fixed", I still have lots of issues.

Although For the first time in a very long time I feel good inside. I feel that I can pull my self out of the hole I have been in.

I think the hardest thing for me is letting go of the kids. Things will not be the same, no matter how much she lets me come around.

She is being selfish right now and that is hard to take (that and being homeless...). I will never understand how someone can just "stop". I know it is not that simple, but that is the way it feels

Thanks,
Jason

Jason,

I am sorry about the kids, but you really have no control over that. You do have a child of your own, that always use more of your time and thought.

What you will see, is that you finally have the opportunity to change your life in a positive way. "Fixed" may not come for some time, but it will come IF you continue to pull yourself out of the hole you are in.

People in affairs ARE selfish. You of all people should know this. They don't just "stop" either, but they often just reach a breaking point and it appears that they just "stop." Nope it doesn't happen that way, it just appears to. However, as you also know from past experience, there is no end to the justifications and rewriting of history that goes on with a person having an affair.

You cannot fight that. Get yourself a place to live. And continue to work on yourself and your life.

Time for an upgrade my friend. I'm thinking Jason.v.3

JL

Why are YOU moving out?

????

She wants space? Theres the Garage...., or the Attic... or her Mothers??

LG

I comes down to the fact that the house is in her mom's name. When I was in the hospital they packed up most of my stuff and changed the locks....yeah he was there

I don't want this but I have no choice at this point

Told I wanted to spend time with the kids, and of course she is not home.

An hour ago she texted that she would be home "shortly"

I have a good idea who she is with (gut is telling me). So once again I am home doing the domestic thing (cleaning/dishes) by myself.

Gets old.....

Oh and the drier just died...yeah!!!

I was right...

Your signature suggests a history of horrible behaviour on your WW's part. Do you expect this to change?

IMO you've wasted ten years with someone who has no respect for either you or the M. Don't waste any more of your time - you don't get that time back.

This is actually a different relationship, but I do see your point. I have wasted many yesrs in relationships that were never going to work.

I thought this one would have been different...

Her logic for the situation is that because she has decided that we are "taking a break" she is doing nothing wrong.

I understand her need to re-evaluate our relationship. She is in my opinion handling it the wrong way. She is letting anger & the past cloud her judgement.

I was hard to live with, but I am not that person anymore, although it seems all she sees is the past.

Thanks, Jason

Jason,

If you are not that person any more, then move on and find a woman of the man you are becoming. You are not married to her. You are not the father of her children, although you seem close to them. She is not behaving in the way someone who loved you would.

Are you noticing all of the 'not's in this group of sentences?

Quit trying to get back to a place you did not like when you were there. You are healing...finally. Continue to heal, get mentally strong, and become the man you know you can be. The rest will take care of itself.

God Bless,

JL

JL is 100% right. You are not married, not even on the road to marriage. Why do you want to stay with this woman?

Everythin there is broken, the dryer, and the ex.

I try/stay because I love her.

I have had two failed marriages, I wanted to take time...do it right this time. I all things we were "married" the only thing lacking was the legal document.

Obviously there have been issues.

When I commit to a relationship I don't do it lightly, leaving cause things get tough is not an option. For my own wellbeing I need to know that I have done all I can do before I call it quits.

anyway....

Thanks to all who have responded, and thanks JL your words mean alot

Can you give us a time line for your relationships?
When did you get married the first time? How long did the marriage last? What ended the marriage?
Same questions for the second marriage and your current relationship?

1st marriage 1989-1995 Affair
2nd marriage 1997-2005 Multiple Affairs (divorce took longer than that.

This relationship started Oct 2005

I understand how you feel.
I am learning that the person I am with has the same behavior.

I just don't think she understands commitment and long-term relationships, just hung up on fantasies.

It doesn't make it easier on us those. I feel for you because I know the pain. I am going through a divorce and for some reason a part of me doesnt want it, even though she is a horrible wife.

It is hard seeing her the way she is now, she is spiteful, downright hateful.

I know I did my part to get us where we are, but I am changing that. I am going to accept the fact she is gone, she may be back someday but now there is no hope till she can let go of the anger.

I still love her. I don't think she realizes how much I do. As it has been said here, I cannot change what she is doing I cannot make her stop. I am making this harder for all of us by trying to push for reconciliation.

Space is what she needs, that is what I will give her.

I will undo the progress I've made on "me" if I keep going the way I am now. Getting healed, getting right again has to be a priority. I can only pray that other parts of my life will get better as well.

Exactly. Just concentrate on yourself,forget about her. If she comes around then deal with it then. But I think in a few months time away from this woman you will start to realise how lucky you are to have gotten rid of her.