i think i have to re-read the Plan A and Plan B because i'm not really sure if i did the Plan A right.

we are renting a small apartment and he's paying for it, when i moved to his country the apartment has almost everything so i just went and bring my stuffs. now if i decide to do Plan B, not sure where I'm going to stay

i'm a foreigner to his country:-(

Can you go back home? You will need to do something or be resigned that there is nothing you can do and you will live like this forever. It's up to you. I can't tell you what to do, I can only advise you with the plan you choose.

yes i can go back home, i was thinking. but i want to go back home standing with my two firm feet on the ground.
i don't want to go back home, crying and feeling sad with my family of what would might happen.

Hi again, we watched movie together. And for 2 nights i'm not sleeping in our room. I'm staying at the sofa. I asked him last night if we have plans today, he said, our talk. And he asked me why, i said because a friend of mine, asked me to have a drink. He told me that we have a talk. I said i thought we agreed that our talk for the week is only wed. But if we have something to say, we can do that but one should only listen. So i said no to the friend &
this morning he sent me sms, he thinks we can move the talk next week so that we can think more & if i like i can meet my friend. I agreed & he told me that he would also love to watch movie with me if i feel like & if my friend is not free anymore because i canceled. I told him that i canceled my appointment but i can text my friend again to meet. I told him that i'll meet my friend but only until 7pm coz she'll have something to do after. Then i decided to go w/ him for movie. I wrote him sms, if he needs space i can step back for awhile, & i let him know that i always love to spend time together with him. & he should just let me know if he needs me. Then i told him that i think he's right & we've been spending time together so its better to meet our friends & have sometime for ourselves.

Tomorrow he's suppose to meet his friend for dinner, i was surprised when he told me today, that we can have grill for the weekend. Things are not quite clear. I wanted to fall again that he's trying his best, but I'm just being careful not too much....

And he asked me again to sleep in our room.

Still hurt:-(

Hi again,
I asked him last weekend, I thought he has an appointment w/ his friend, and he said his friend went on holidays with his mom & niece so he's not around. Now I know why, he stayed. I thought he canceled it and wanted to spend time w/ me.

Anyway, our weekend was great so far. And I'm happy about it.

I'm just concern again about our talk this week. I know he will still insist about his holidays next year going back to the wh**e house. But I think instead of talking the problem all the time, maybe we could start talking positive things in our relationship.

I told him last time,about why he delete the sms sent to his friend, he was very angry because he said, I'm checking on him all the time and controlling him. But he didn't say why he deleted it. He said, it's none of my business because he's not doing to me that well. He told me that I don't have respect and it's his private thing & i should know how to respect that. Now, it's my fault...

We also mentioned talking about our needs on our next talk, last time he mentioned just slightly that his needs are trust and love from me. Is trust as a general a need? How can you meet this need with your spouse?

HE IS HIDING something!! That is why he doesn't want you to know and see, that is why he deletes it, have you thought more about going into plan B? That right there is the only plan you have to save your marriage, your husband WONT EVER change his behavior if you don't do something about it!

I suggest you start getting ready for plan B....

Letter
Kicking him out
Changing the locks
Getting an IM
Etc...

I know its scary, but you can't live like this anymore, he is disrespecting you and blaming you! You do not deserve this Mary. Be strong, take charge of your life, don't be scared, you have people here who can help.

Thanks Sapphire, I'm still thinking to do Plan B:-(
yeah I know it's very hard :-( and that breaks my heart. But sometimes i dont have the energy anymore.

Is trust part of EN?
Thanks for your input

Once your energy is drained that is the time you need to hit plan B, when you can't do this anymore emotionally.

Sapphire, just a few questions, are there steps on how to do plan B?
Is it only the letter?

I can't kick him out because he's the one who's paying our rent.
I work as a contractual based so, it's difficult

I've searched the forum for Plan B, not really sure where is the link?
I would appreciate your help
Thanks

Read this about plan A and plan B...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2276398#Post2276398

There are no steps to a plan B, if he can't leave then you pack up your stuff and leave, is there someone who can help you with this?

Have you written your letter yet?

I really don't have so many close friends here. I asked another friend of mine, but she said her sister is staying at her place at the moment. So I really don't know where to go.
I was thinking to stay at her mother's place or to his brother's place. Am not sure if that is a good idea?

Do you think talking to his brother is a good idea?
I know his brother knows already about our problem, but I want to tell my side as well.

Sapphire, I am all alone in his country. I know I have friends but I don't want them to involve on this :-(

They already planned the dates when to leave and it's breaking my heart:-(

He told me why I can't let him enjoy with his friend. What are my fears? If I say that I don't trust the place, he will tell me that I don't trust him and that is not how it works in a relationship

I was thinking on our talk this week, I will tell him that, I already found a wonderful bathing suit for the trip next year.
Because I was thinking to join him still on their trip. I know he will not be happy about it.

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Thanks Sapphire
later we will have our weekly talk again. And everytime we have this I always don't feel comfortable because I know he will hurt me again, knowing that what he will insist is the holidays for next year:-(
I haven't started the letter yet, and so I will.
I just need to gather courage within me to be strong enough with all of these.

I hope I can soon:-(

hi all again our talk from yesterday didn't succeed and I ended up packing my things just to have fresh air not in our apartment.
he was trying to stop me not to go, but I was very upset and emotional. I went to the lake and then went home and slept in the garage inside the car.
he didn't ask or anything instead he sent me sms the following day, that it was easy for me to lie to him, nevertheless, if you want to friends place it's ok otherwise i should go home and we should talk the next steps this coming sunday.
i didn't reply right away because i was still in pain. after a while he sent me sms again.he was calling my real name already not our sweetnames anymore.he told me i should let him know if i'm going to stay at home,otherwise he will report me to the police.i'm very angry with that. i replied to him, he don't need to threaten me because it will not help.i'm home. then he told me he's not threatening me he's just worried.he asked me if i have any friend to stay with.otherwise he could leave to his brother's place for the weekend and we should talk this sunday. i told him if he's worried about me,he shouldn't be writing those.i told him that he just want me to be out of his life.i will only talk if he's going to talk positive things with me,because i don't want to fight with him anymore. he told me that i lied to him about the key, and he loved me more than anything else but after what happened yesterday he doesn't have anything left. he said he wants to discuss with me the next steps.

when he arrived home he didn't say anthing except hello and that's all. then he asked me i should tell him when i'm ready to talk with him and he wanted that we will talk on sunday. he told me he wants to have a separation. i asked him, is that what you want. he said, yes and he wants a divorce. he told me to find a place to stay. i told him, i don't have a place to stay. he suggested a place, and i told him, you can't just simply throw me there because we have problems. and he said he will not move out as well. i said then i don't know.

he pushed me to have the talk on sun, i told him i'm scared to speak with him, coz everytime we have a talk he's just hurting me with his words. and i'm not sure if i'm ready with that.

he then told me i just should tell him when i'm ready

he wants a divorce now and i don't know where to go and i don't have a job yet

Hi
yes it's final my H wants a divorce now and he gave me options. he asked me if i want to go home or if i want to stay.
i told him he can't just send me home after i gave up everything from my country. he told me he understand that, but he will also support me for a year so that i can start a business.
i told him what if i will stay, he said it might not be possible because my permit to stay will not be extended. so i was just very calm. trying to be calm in what he said. he also told me if we both agree now we can do it online and it will only take 10 minutes by just giving our information and then it's ok.

i told him what if we check to an expert. he said we can also do that but he don't think it's necessary because we don't have kids and we don't have property so he don't see any reason.
i was still quiet. i think he's kind of afraid to see a real expert because he knows he will be bankrupt

is it true that whoever files for a divorce will pay?

thanks

i need your help to my situation. i'm not sure if what i'm doing is right.
i talked to an expert here, and she told me that i should never sign anything given by my husband if i don't understand because there is a probability that it will be all to his advantage and i should know my rights.

at the moment, i'm still staying in our place together with him, we are still sleeping in the same room but we don't hug anymore and he already took off his wedding ring.

he told me last time that he don't love me anymore and he sees that we are not compatible anymore etc. i didn't react on his statements i just nodded and agree to what he said and at the end he thanked me for listening.

now, he's waiting for my answer, how i will reply to his offer. and i'm at the quiet moment. we barely talk and he even start to call me with my first name and not "my love or sweetie" anymore.

i don't know if being quiet and regaining my self back on track again is just the right thing to do. i don't want to divorce him, i know it sounds ridiculous but i think i need to regain my lost self after this almost a year fight just because he wanted to go back to thailand.

do you think just taking time for the moment is the right thing to do?