My situation:

I have been injured and have been on Social Security Disability (SSD) for a very long time now. I live with a lot of health issues in chronic pain and depression. I am currently going through Physical Therapy (PT) for my disability and do so whenever my wife's work insurance allows it. My wife works to support the household. I am 46, my wife is 42. Married 16 years. We have 2 children ages 15 and 13.

I found out in June that my wife has been seeing a co-worker since April. She tells me she is tired of making the sacrifice of our uneventful marriage and isn't getting any younger. She tells me she hasn't been happy for a long time. She tells me she wants to do things that I cannot do because I am disabled.

She has been staying at her co-worker boyfriends place overnight whenever she decides she wants to (several times a week).

She has told both our children what she is doing. This makes me feel more than sick inside. I told her it upset me that they know and she said "I'm not going to lie to my children." At first she made excuses for her overnight stays, but now she feels she can do it anytime since the children already know.

I feel helpless and alone. I am seeing a counselor for her affair and my depression. I have no one else to talk to. I've told my wife both the counselor and the PT are helping and she said �Don't expect me to change overnight just because you are getting better.� She is fine with me taking care of things at home while she has her boyfriend for her outside life.

If I divorced her, not only would it be an incredible financial drain, but I believe would lose time with my children. I would also have to live on SSD alone and could not afford the living space for my children to visit/stay or afford the medical supplies I need. I feel trapped.

My wife has family support to help her out financially. I would have no such help.

I've been focusing on my health, exercise, and diet and am feeling better physically but no better emotionally. Sleep doesn't come easy. My hope is to get physically good enough to hold down a job. My other hope is for my wife to improve her behavior.

I've also been focusing on making the house a better place but can only do so much. I try to stay positive around my family but I am finding it very difficult.

I've told my children that mom and dad are having issues and we are both not acting the way parents should behave. I am very afraid of the damage this affair has caused to them both.

My son sees a counselor and I hope it is helping him. My daughter (13) acts fine and is close to her mother. Now that she knows of my wife's affair I'm debating taking her to a counselor just in case she isn't doing well. I do not want my children to think this is how marriage works.

Thank you for reading this. If anyone has any advice, or just words of comfort or wisdom, they would be greatly appreciated.

I am soo sorry for your pain read EVERYTHING on this thread....

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

I would start by exposing the affair to EVERYONE...family, friends, co-workers, boss, church members, etc...

Then I would read on plan A and carrot and the stick to plan A and DO that for 2 months. Start there.

Get ALL the evidence of the affair, emails, text, FB etc, install a Key logger on your computer, purchase a GPS or a VAR for her car, even though you know they are together, but do it anyway.

What does your state say about adultery?

Find a lawyer and talk to him what the state says about adultery, she might have to pay Alimony to you.

Have you exposed this affair to your WW's family and friends? Have you exposed the affair to her employer? What about OM's family and friends. There are still many things you can do to break up this affair.

You may not be as trapped as you think. Call around town and find a well recommended bulldog attorney in your area. Get a free consult with him and see what your true options are. Your financial situation may not be as dire as you think. Listen to the attorney and understand your options. Besides, if you do file and get spousal and child support from your WW, she may very well drop OM because the cost is too steep for her. Give her some consequences for her actions.

I would expose immediately to their employer.
Speak to your children and explain that what their mother is doing is wrong. God knows what kind of spin she's put on it

The worst case scenario, IMHO, is the one you described above. We are here to make sure that that does not happen. We want to make sure that you are able to recover your marriage, keep your kids, and make sure you do not have to rely on SSD. (If that is your real goal)

I'm sorry that you are here, so read up. Knowledge is power. Read all the Basic Concepts and Articles. Familiarize yourself with snooping, Exposure, Plan A and Plan B. Follow the advice given on here and act promptly.

Hi LTD, knowledge is power. Go for a consultation with an lawyer. Most are free. Ask up front before the appointment.

Because you are disabled there is a good chance that she will have to pay you support and your insurance. That is what happened to my friend. A reality check like that might stop her in her tracks.

Expose, Read everything on this site. There are some very wise vets here.

Talk to your kids. Do not let your wife spin tails so that they will think it is alright for Mommy to date. Tell them married people do not date...they work on their M.

Most of all work on yourself. Do it for yourself.

Thank you all for your advice. My PC is set up in a public room so I rarely have a chance to come to this web site in privacy without my children seeing.

Even though they know about my wife's affair, they may still tell her if they see me planning anything. Not that they are trying to sabotage our marriage. They may let something be known in an effort to help the marriage.

I know I need to talk to a free divorce attorney just to find out what my options are. When school starts for my kids I will have more time for privacy.

I am worried I will hurt my children financially if I report my wife at her work. They need medical insurance and a financially stable home (as do I).

I now know my depression had a lot to do with my wife's unhappiness over the years. I conveyed this and I think she sees it as an excuse as well as justification for her affair.

Some of her family and friends already know of her affair because she already told them. We really don't have any friends in common. Her sister knows but wishes to stay neutral to it all.

I am trying plan A but since I don't see her often I don't believe I am being effective. I try to be as helpful as I can.

She interacts with the OM (her co-worker) so often that I honestly don't feel I have a chance to compete. I've asked her out a few times and her reply has been "I don't know" or "I have other plans".

Family outings for bonding are near impossible. My son (15) never wishes to leave his room. My daughter (13) is becoming the same way. I ask to take her to places she used to enjoy and she says she doesn't know if she wants to go. I very much want to include my wife in any outings to help us bond.

My son, wife, and I are now all going to the same therapist. My daughter didn't want to go but I set up an appointment for her anyway.

I asked my wife if she thought about how her behavior affects the rest of her family. She said "Do you think this is easy for me?" in a very agitated voice.

LTD, people here want to help you, but we can't help you if you don't listen to our advice. If you want to save your marriage, your most powerful weapon is EXPOSURE.

Did you see the advice about exposure?

here

I know this sounds bleak but exposure is something I don't have much of. She has already told those her and I have both any contact with. Her family lives far away.

We really have had no friends in common for a very long time. Over the years I have complained to her that I would like to be introduced to her network of friends and nothing has come of it.

She has always been very quiet about her friends and I don't believe she sees them very often. Some of them have had affairs and I don't believe they would give any solid peer pressure to straighten her marriage out.

Most of her friends seem to be her current male co-workers. She has only worked there for a year or two.

I have a very small network of friends. My friends don't hold any merit to her as she rarely hangs around them if at all. The only time my wife and I have socialized together has been with my friends. She has sometimes complained about them.

I cannot even go into her work place as it is off limits to non-employees. I know no one there. I do not even know the name of her lover.

I am also confused. There is another website called **edit** They state not exposing the wayward spouse to family and mutual friends is better.

notice how this site is open right away and "website called http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com."?

Here works. I've seen it work.

LTD,

I was in a very similar boat. However, the only difference, even though I was limited on the effect exposing would have on my WH, I told EVERYONE. Because one, I wanted people to just be aware of what's going on, two, I was told to do it and it was an exercise in learning how to do things I didn't want to do and three, I was fighting for my marriage and in the end, I didn't want anything to have been held back and make me wonder if ONLY....

Affairs thrive on secrecy. Keeping it a secret enables it to continue or you become a part of the secret. Wouldn't you rather hold your head up and say, my wayward wife is doing THIS and I don't accept it, condone it or support it?

Not to mention, you never know how G-d can use this to his good.

You should expose to her family and friends. They have likely been told lies by your WW so the story should come from you. Exposure means you call them and give them the truth and ask them to use their persuasion to influence your wife to end her affair.

Another good exposure target is the OM's family and facebook friends.



LTD, affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping them a secret only serves to enable them. That website is giving you very bad advice. But you don't have to take the advice from those of us who have save our marriages using these tactics, it is all up to you. I don't know what that other site is about, but Dr Harley is licensed clinical psychologist.

LTD,

Exposure serves another important function other than bringing the affair to the light. First, it exposes any lies she�s told others about the affair.

You really have no idea what she has said to them. Odds are high she�s told them that you guys are divorcing or done something to justify what she�s doing to the family. I can guarantee that she hasn�t gone to them and said, �I�m having an affair on my disabled husband.�

Exposure also serves as a battlecry for the betrayed spouse. It announces, �My spouse is having an affair and I won�t stand for it. I will work to save my marriage! Join me in this effort!�

Exposure is a statement by you, to others, including your WW, that you won�t stand for this and won�t go down without a fight.

You need to show her that you might be disabled, but that you�re not going to sit idly by and that there is a lot of life in your disabled body.