Sorry to be a bit graphic but I want to make sure I understand what you posted correctly.
Do you mean any affection, petting intercourse? Has this been going on for your entire Marriage?

Has this been an issue through your entire relationship or just in the past few years?
So you do gratify him and he enjoys it but does not reciprocate?

When we were first married, we quickly realized that our Sex drives were different. Of course that was probably the best time of our sex life. Over the years, DH got caught up doing things on the computer and I can see his computer screen so I know what he is doing. He is in all these forums about computer stuff.

I would dress in lingerie and call him, we would do SF. This was once in awhile. Soon I would tell him I was going to bed for sleep and he would stay up longer. Sometimes I would wear lingerie and call him, he wouldn't even look or say give me 5.
Then I would fall asleep waiting. He would be remorseful and I gave up on this.

He has been to a psychiatrist for his meds. I called today and made a joint appointment for us. Sorry this screen is jumping.

Has this been an issue through your entire relationship or just in the past few years? The main issue of SF, has been the last few years. However, I realized we had a pattern of me having to basically ask DH if he would like this or that. Then he started talking about catching me with a woman a few years ago. I basically told him he was on crack about that one. It is basically like that wants me to say would you like this to happen and then we are busy. I change things up all the time. I am the person who decides what we will do, physically, he doesn't want to be in charge.

So you do gratify him and he enjoys it but does not reciprocate.
He does a set number of physcal things to me in a set way. I no longer respond physically. I have told him this and asked him to help me out.

Finally about 3 months ago, I told him " I enjoy watching you and feeling you be fulfilled" You won't attempt to try anything different for me. We are so set on you being out of your head. That I no longer can get out of mine. He feels he is submissive and can't lead. He feels bad. I said fine, any time you want to play or cuddle I am here. I will take care of my own needs.
He came to me and said that he has no objections and thinks I should go outside the marriage for SF. I told him I couldn't do things like that without feelings. He said he understood and basically if I wanted to try polyamory, then go for it.

I did flirt. I did end it. I ended up really angry at him, that he was reading my pretty innocent flirting and starting to be affectionate to me. I mean what was I chopped liver before.

No he doesn't want a divcore. He literally does everything possible to make me happy. I am the center of his world. No he isn't gay. He is just very submissive in the bedroom. He has a low low sex drive.

no I am not leaving him. I will never leave my husband, I am committed to him. We do over 15 hours of UA. I told him about set sex nights. After me being up all night with our injured child, I told him I finally posted here. We went through a timeline of how we saw our sexual fulfillment going through the years.

He apolgized to me for making me feel like a prostitute. His verbage not mine, by reading my chats and getting aroused and out of the blue touching me in intimate ways in front of our child. He was aroused.

I don't think it is sexual deviance, I think he just has some fantasties that aren't the norm. He has flat out told me he would enjoy a threesome for us, with another woman. I said never gonna happen.

I talked to him at noon today and he told me that he realized that he had let me down. He told me he was sad I never dressed up for him in lingerie anymore. I told him I had given up years ago. He says he sees what he is missing. He still says he can't take the lead in the bedroom. I understand what your saying ML about masterbation not helping the marriage. However, I could be waiting 9 months for SF if I left it to him

I have been calling and sending silly texts. Complementing him on how he looks. He likes being taken care by me cooking and having things ready when he comes home. I have been plan Aing my bottom off.

So here I am........ I will talk to him later about calling Harley's. Once again thank you for your support.

Are you SURE your H is not doing porn?

When we first met he had been a widower for 5 years. He married early and she died. He did have a collection of about 5 movies.
He also got two magazines. When our child was born, we threw them out as our neighbors kids found her POSWH's stash. We both agreeed we didn't want that for our child.

Also, he never hides his computer screen. We have side by side desks and he will show me anything I want. He did have a facebook account for sometime. I had a fit with him over getting invites from h.s. girlfriends and accepting them. I made him delete it. I explained how it took time away from us and he agreeed. I suggested a few months ago, he reactivate as our family has been on there. I have the password and I can look.

If he is buying porn, I have no clue how. His paycheck is direct deposit and I handle all the bills. I look at transactions and he rarely takes more then 20 dollars in two weeks. He uses debit for everything. The place he use to buy his two magazines isn't on there.

So no porn, no gay.

RL, I suspect the main problem is that you have both fallen out of love if your sex was good in the beginning. That is where I would start. [in addition to checking into the AD's]


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5013_qa.html

Glad you are calling the Harleys!

Sex was good in the beginning because it was NEW LOVe, however we are still in love with each other. We did go to MC thrusday night. We discussed the situation. The Dr told my husband he was an idiot for suggesting for me to go outside the marriage.
He said we had to stop it before it started. Hey, I thought he was nuts as well. He told my husband that marriage isn't one sided and that every thing was a choice, even inaction. He really gave my DH hell. His testerone level is normal. My DH confirmed to the doctor and myself I am the only person for him.
He says he thinks talking about sex has increased his needs.

I did admit that I felt there were things I could improve in other things other then sexual. So we are suppose to be calling this other MC. We saw the psychriatrist for the initial MC. Quickest I could get and we know him well.

He says he will continue therapy and that he is committed to our marriage. He asked me to forgive him.

On the way home I told him I had ordered the his needs/ her needs books and I wanted to know if he would book with the harley's. Husband agreeed. We have kindle and downloaded it and have both started it. I had to wait for a check to come in before booking Harley's I just neeed to see if I have enough left for the package.

Thank you everyone for the patience you have shown. I will keep you updated.

It is that "NEW LOVE", ie: romantic, passionate love, that we are talking about here. You didn't feel that way because it was "new" but because you were both doing a great job of meeting each others needs. Get that back and the problem will be resolved, RL. That is what this program does.