Haven't heard from H in a week now. He simply vanished. I suspect he is staying with OW. Up until now he has been vascillating back and forth. I finally couldn't handle it and started Plan B around two weeks ago. I don't know what's worse, the refusal to end it or now the total silence. I feel sssoooo bad!! I am losing all hope that we will ever be able to reconcile. Will this nightmare ever end???<P>How do you deal with the lonliness, emptiness, and pain????????? Every day is such a struggle. I feel dead inside.

Sidney - <P>I feel so bad for you. My H moved in with the OW. He did that once he spent a week in hotels. He soon discovered that he couldn't afford to pay the house payment here and rent somewhere else. <P>I must say that everyone will tell you that you have to take care of yourself. The pain will eventually diminish. For some it takes a very long time - for others it doesn't take as long. You have to see that you can lead a full life without your spouse. That is where I am. I hope you can reach that point too. I am sure you will - it just takes time. That doesn't mean there is no hope it just means that you will be fine if it doesn't work out. <P>I wish you lots of luck. Take care of yourself - do something special for yourself. <P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>

DHJ- thanks for the reply. Some days, I seem to be rebounding, then I seem to take several huge steps backwards. Part of the reason this is especially hard for me is that I have no immediate family close by. They are all 1500 miles away. So, the lonliness is magnified. Sometimes, I feel like I will explode from all the pain!!!

How familiar that sounds. My family is far away and I have only lived here a year. Needless to say my phone bill has gone through the roof. Last month it was close to $300. I do rely on the few friends I have here and lots of phone calls to friends and family. <P>I also know what it feels like to take those steps backwards. That is normal too. I was doing great until I started packing up some tihngs for my future move back home. That started a downward spiral for about a week. Then I rebounded. It happens to the best of us. <P>Somthing that might help. Think of things or just one thing you have always wanted to do or a goal you put on hold. Start working towards that. That will help make you even a better person than you already are - plus keep your mind on what is important. For instance, I have moved with my husband around the country and have quit two masters programs. Therefore, I am going back to finih full-time. I am doing that for myself and my son. I am sure there is something you have wanted to do. Let me know. <P>Good luck. <P>PS - I looked up your story, nothing was there. Maybe some of the details would help other people respond to you. <P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P><p>[This message has been edited by dhj (edited October 25, 1999).]

Sidney, My H walked out of our house straight to the OW that will be three months ago this Saturday. I have not had any verbal contact with him for two months last Saturday. The pain is hard and even after all this time I still have days I just want to curl up and hide hoping it will all go away. I am lucky I have my family close by. I have two grandchildren that have help me throught this. Althought there are many times I look at them and can't believe that he would give them up to be with OW and the pain starts all over again. But it is less then what it was even a week ago. I'm not getting over him I am just making life more bearable without him for the time being. I have set goals for my self. I want him to be a part of them but if he won't then I will be alright. But I couldn't make those decisions till after two months. You will be alright. You have come to a good place for support. If you need more support or just want to gab my email is diseiler@hotmail.com Just hang in there, it does get a little easier.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS & DHJ,<P>Thanks for the posts. I do feel a little better today. For some reason, yesterday was especially bad. It's so very hard to not take all this personally. As hard as I try I seem to keep falling into this pattern of beating myself up. You see, I come from an emotionally abusive home, and I feel like there is something very wrong with me. That I have been programmed for abuse, that I am a magnet for abusers. I cannot understand how I can have feelings for someone who has mistreated me so badly, and nearly destroyed me. I tolerated so much from him and made excuses for him. Am I such a dependant & needy person, that I will put up with anything for the sake of feeling wanted, feeling special?? This has really shaken my concept of myself. And my hope and belief that I will ever be able to have a healthy relationship. Do you ever feel this way?