My husband and I have known each other for 20 years and have been married for 3.5. I have loved him since we were teenagers and for a while we lived separate lives and I married for six years and had three kids and he had one son back when we were young. He has been in the military for 15 of those 20 years and that�s how we met again. When we married it was like a dream come true because I have loved him all that time.
After we married, we received orders for recruiting. We moved and transitioned just fine.
During recruiting I found myself questioning what was going on in that office. Girls would come in all the time and flirt with the recruiters, including my husband. At first, he was real good at putting them in their place. Then, on April 3, 2010, a tragedy struck with my oldest son. He didn�t get hurt or anything just made some real bad choices and it threw our home into disarray. I lost my husband emotionally. He withdrew from life and we argued all the time. Eventually, he would never come home. He stayed in his office. I kept asking him if he was seeing someone and he kept telling me no. Finally, my husband sent me a text message to tell me that he had been seeing someone but it was not sexual and he had ended it. My life was a blur from then out. I lost my son and the one person who was supposed to hold me up, let me drop. I was devastated! We fought for about two months after. Eventually, I got him to come home so we could work on things. Off and on he would leave because we would fight about me always questioning him, and I always questioned him because he was always guarding his phones and was always hiding and texting.
Finally, we took a trip to a little island on our Harleys. Most of the time he left his phones alone but then he would sneak. I always felt something was not right, so I kept asking him� are you honestly not seeing anyone. He kept telling me no. So, I thought I would do a little research of my own� and found out he was seeing JM. He had told her he loved her and she was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. She knew that I was trying to make things work because she had noticed on my fb page that I made posts to him saying how much I missed and loved him but she still pursued. We had a huge blow out on the island and he was going to leave me there but I didn�t care anymore. Everything else was gone and I couldn�t be a good mother because I was in too much pain. During my first marriage we divorced because he was unfaithful with a 17 year old girl and he was 32. I am not a bad person, I am a Christian and try to live the light and keep my side of the street clean, so I was so confused on why this is happening again. I kept telling him that we could not work on the marriage if JM was still in the picture but he said he was waiting for the right time to end it with her. I told him NOW was the right time. So he was just going to end it with both of us. Well, finally we sat down and cried together, I forgave him when he finally apologized for leaving me when I needed him and in the way he did it. He ended it with JM right in front of me. It was exactly what I need and you would think this would help me feel better and I did forgive him because I am not mad at him anymore. I understand that I neglected him because of what was going on with my son, but he told her he loved her? I can�t stop the hurt� he is trying so hard to let me know he loves me, he shows me his phones so I know he is not talking to her and he has been open with me about her contacting him since then. But I still doubt. This town is so small rumors fly like crazy, so he is always hearing stories of her and her terrible life and then telling me about it, as if I should feel bad. If I try to tell him that I am feeling less than, he doesn�t say anything. I feel ugly, unworthy, helpless, discouraged, and everything else that a person could feel. I didn�t hurt this bad when my first husband cheated� I love my husband, I always have and I believe we were meant to be together because we found each other after so many years and our souls are exact matches. He seems to be doing everything that I need but I don�t feel like I should. What do I do� We are waiting to hear back from a Chaplain that helped him through his first deployment to Iraq. I just don�t know how to stop the hurt and ugliness I feel.

I'm sorry you are going through this. The vets will be here shortly to help you.

I would try to help but I am new...and not in any position to help. Welcome to MB.

(I just wanted to mention that you may wish to update your preferences to remove your email if that is your real name in your email address...and you prefer discretion.)

Thank you for the heads up! I did remove my email.

Start by reading all the articles on the main site about dealing with infidelity. They contain invaluable information about what steps you need to be taking, and what to expect. That base of understanding will make it easier to implement the step-by-step advice you'll get here.

First, take a deep breath and relax. Time is your friend. You have a very good chance of winning through this with a recovered M, and you yourself will recover well regardless. Just use a few days to read and learn. Your upcoming efforts will be better for it.

Second, you need to expose. Since the A is allegedly over (though I have my doubts), your main targets need to be family (hers, too, if you know who she is, and if you don't, find out asap), close friends, and your WH's superior.

Personally, I would snoop very vigorously for a few days before exposing to the family/friends group, as your note will look a little different if you find out the A is still going on.

I would also talk to WH's superior immediately, today. The military very much frowns on adultery, and you have tools available to you that the ordinary BS can only dream of. If you're in a small town, you will NOT EVER be able to recover while OW is still around, constantly threatening your M with her presence. Your WH will never become a FWH while he is constantly hearing of her and being triggered, and never knowing when she might waltz into his office to say hi.

Your WH needs to be transferred right away, yesterday if possible. All your efforts to R will be so much smoother having the two waywards separated.

As to the rest of what he's said and done, don't stress it too much. As you read on here, you'll find out that he's reading straight off the Wayward Script.

Keep posting. We'll help you through this.

^^

Also are you currently going through a unintended anniversary?
Like of D day?

Sometimes this can trigger a rollercoaster. Neak is right on.

I know that some people report a huge "backlash" of emotion tword WS at about the 6 mo mark.
I hope he is OW free for you. You sound like you are in such pain.

Oh. I drive a BMW R1100RSL. Ride on- (even you noisey Harleys)