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RM, why on earth would you even be concerned about what the OM is or isn't getting and why or why not he's getting it. GET YOUR MIND OFF HIM IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT RECOVERY!!! IMO you shoyuld be keeping your posts focused on your recovery NOT OM!! Your recovery depends on NC and NC willbe difficult if not impossible if you keep posting about him. STOP!!!!
Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet
Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8. Separated Sept 08 DDay Dec 08 Plan A Mar 09 Plan B 16 Nov 09
Redeem, it is none of your business what they do, or how their marriage is. Do not contact OMW, I'm sure it kills her. Do not try to get updates on the OM. Cut it all off, cold.
No worries, honestly, I'm not going to contact either of them. Sincerely.
I'm only bringing this up because I feel like the OM might do this again to his W and I would hate for that to be the case.
WW Confessed to H about A July 2010 Married to "insomniac"
IMO you shoyuld be keeping your posts focused on your recovery NOT OM!! Your recovery depends on NC and NC willbe difficult if not impossible if you keep posting about him. STOP!!!!
I honestly don't think about him that much anymore, but I did just get out of a pretty intense relationship with him only a few weeks ago.
I'm not discussing my thoughts about the OM with my H and certainly not obsessing about them.
Sorry if it appears that way.
I'll try to do better with this in the future.
WW Confessed to H about A July 2010 Married to "insomniac"
I'm only bringing this up because I feel like the OM might do this again to his W and I would hate for that to be the case.
No, you're only bringing it up because you are OBSESSED with OM and talking and worrying about HIM keeps you connected, even if that's not what HE wants.
Please stay out of this man's marriage. Your feelings about his marriage do not matter and are inappropriate. You are putting your marriage in great danger AGAIN with your obsessing about OM.
Please send your BH here. I'm sure he's no dummy to your pinings.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Good grief, how can any of you see in here for all the fog?
RedeemMe, knock it off - OMW's HUSBAND is NONE of your business!!! It sickens me that you are taking the words of HIS WIFE and using them to dwell more on HER HUSBAND - It's just extra cruelty towards her, imo...Bless her heart, she didn't realize that speaking to you would do nothing but fuel your feelings for HER HUSBAND - If you were here talking about MY HUSBAND like this I would want you to BURN, and I am a FWW, before you protest that my words to you are "harsh"...You can CHOOSE to redirect your thoughts, and that is what you must do - being here talking about it is just fueling your addiction - STOP IT - THEIR MARRIAGE is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS...Stay out of it, not just in action, but also in thought...
And fullmoon:
Originally Posted by fullmoon
The reality is, I have had NC with OM. There is an event coming up that we all must be at together next month. I am hoping that I just keep my mouth shut and not say anything to him except "hi". I'm hoping that my feelings are well under control by that point. But I am not 100% certain of that. Just stating that to you (BS) would be deemed as drooling, right? Where do I express that sort of feeling? [Scotland is right, maybe I should move this to my thread...
No, the reality is NOT "There is an event coming up that we all must be at together next month" - The reality IS that you do NOT have to be there - The reality is that you are CHOOSING to be there - Is someone holding a gun to your head to go to this event? I doubt it...If you want NC, you will guard it with your life - if not, you won't - it's that simple - it's a CHOICE - Will you choose to protect your marriage and integrity?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I thought what I would have gotten in response to my initial posting was some feedback on what it's like to be a BS, why it's not really as it appears, that she's "rewarding" him. I wanted you to knock some sense into this ridiculous idea in my brain still.
That's it.
I am done talking about it.
WW Confessed to H about A July 2010 Married to "insomniac"
His W also supported this idea when I had that text chat with her; she said he had thrown everything that I had ever given him or that reminded him of me away.
Have you gotten rid of everything from the A? Did you look at his FB page or something today?
I thought what I would have gotten in response to my initial posting was some feedback on what it's like to be a BS, why it's not really as it appears, that she's "rewarding" him. I wanted you to knock some sense into this ridiculous idea in my brain still.
That's it.
I am done talking about it.
R_M - I don't understand. You DID get feedback on what it's like to be a BS. From several posters.
And the ones calling you out on this idea as a way for you to continue dwelling on OM, well, they're right. Think about it. It's not a personal attack, it's the nature of the beast. We know how it is. We're trying to get you to realize that, too, and then you can start getting out of the miserable place you find yourself now.
His W also supported this idea when I had that text chat with her; she said he had thrown everything that I had ever given him or that reminded him of me away.
Have you gotten rid of everything from the A? Did you look at his FB page or something today?
No, I'm not entirely sure what my trigger was today. I actually was just thinking about that myself...
Motorcycles in general remind me of him, though. Can't really do away with that "trigger" so... not sure how to handle that one...
Last edited by Redeem_Me; 07/22/1011:32 AM.
WW Confessed to H about A July 2010 Married to "insomniac"
I thought what I would have gotten in response to my initial posting was some feedback on what it's like to be a BS, why it's not really as it appears, that she's "rewarding" him. I wanted you to knock some sense into this ridiculous idea in my brain still.
That's it.
I am done talking about it.
Here's the truth - The reality of THEIR MARRIAGE is "NUNYA"...What you really want to know is if OM is as miserable as you are - also "NUNYA", btw...
Here's my hope though - I hope he is doing what it takes to recover his marriage - I hope that all his thoughts are focused where they should be~~~> ON HIS WIFE...And if his wife asks him about you, I hope he is telling her the TRUTH, which is: You mean NOTHING to him...
His W also supported this idea when I had that text chat with her; she said he had thrown everything that I had ever given him or that reminded him of me away.
Have you gotten rid of everything from the A? Did you look at his FB page or something today?
No, I'm not entirely sure what my trigger was today. I actually was just thinking about that myself...
Motorcycles in general remind me of him, though. Can't really do away with that "trigger" so... not sure how to handle that one...
OK, but can you answer the first question.
Have you gotten rid of all the things from the A? emails, pictures, notes, everything??? (this is a yes/no question)
I'm genuinly concerned about OMW also. I think she is going through this all wrong, but it is up to the two of them to make things right. My hands are tied until she decides to do the right things, your hands should be tied too. I despiratley hope that she does the right thing. Besides you have another marriage to worry about and that is the marriage that you belong to.
When sapph started reading this site she commented on how much time Melody spends online and that it's probably hurting her marriage. I assured her that I know Melody has her priorities right. Her marriage is first, then helping others. Thats what we do here. We take care of our marriages then help others.
Oh I want to comment on that can of worms thing, but its only bait.
I don't think his getting a new motorcycle had anything to do with his wife "rewarding" him.
I do understand your point, but I also know he wanted a new motorcycle. He and I had looked at new motorcycles together before we ended the affair, and he shared that he wanted to get a new model. So really that's what's bothering me-- seems to me that he's using the affair as an excuse to get what he wants. Hopefully that's not the case, but it's possible that it is.
Maybe a better solution would have been for the BS to tell him he needs to sell his motorcycle and couldnt' buy a new one until a certain amount of time had passed. Then at least she's getting him away from that "trigger" and he's being "punished" versus "rewarded".... I dunno... just doesn't seem right from my perspective...
Your post (this one and the one previous to this) are all about a marriage that is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.
Mind YOUR BUSINESS.
Your marriage is sick. Possibly dying. Your husband is wounded by YOU.
It pisses me off that you are discussing THEIR marriage. What OM's wife does or does not do is OFF LIMITS.
Got it? You cannot be that dense, can you?
Do you understand how OFFENSIVE your opinions of THEIR MARRIAGE is?
Your discussion of ANYTHING about their marriage is REPULSIVE.
Discuss your plan for recovery of YOUR marriage.
Married OM and his WIFE don't give a chit about you or your opinions.
I'm genuinly concerned about OMW also. I think she is going through this all wrong, but it is up to the two of them to make things right. My hands are tied until she decides to do the right things, your hands should be tied too. I despiratley hope that she does the right thing. Besides you have another marriage to worry about and that is the marriage that you belong to.
When sapph started reading this site she commented on how much time Melody spends online and that it's probably hurting her marriage. I assured her that I know Melody has her priorities right. Her marriage is first, then helping others. Thats what we do here. We take care of our marriages then help others.
Oh I want to comment on that can of worms thing, but its only bait.
I wouldn't worry about her Wheels - This new motorcycle is likely part of her Plan A...More power to her...
Mr. W got me something expensive in the beginning of our recovery too - He was really smart about it - the item was put on a credit card that I was the primary on - If I would have chosen the wrong path, a sizable bill would have followed me out the door...BSs are not stupid...
RM, you keep avoiding my questions and it is becoming a bit frustrating.
Previously, I gave you a Bible verse from James. I asked you a question about it and I asked if you were willing to pray on that verse.
You see, we ARE giving you ways to get your mind off OM. But you keep showing us that you really don't want to.
Everytime you think of OM, pick up your Bible and read James. Or put on some praise/worship music. If you CHOOSE to do something other than think of OM, your thoughts of him will decrease and eventually become non-existent.
We've also suggested that you start putting you mental energy into thinking about ways to help your BH. Yet you still have not addressed any of those posts either.
In my sig line is a thread called Managing Memories. Take a look at it. It describes the way memories trigger emotions and how to change what we are thinking before those emotions overcome us.
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