Let me start by saying I have been here before when I found out about my WS A. That was in 2007. We agreed to work on the M, however it became clear that he wasn't invested in really working on the marriage and I was the only one working. He replaced the A with another addiction (gambling). I should also add he was emotionally and verbally abusive throughout the marriage as well as emotionally absent and living his life like he was single. I decided I had, had enough and left moving into a house I owned in another city(nearby).

Fast forward to now: I am happily re-married to wonderful man who has kids as well. Dealing with my x is hard on our relationship as I am still healing from the D and A. Currently my kids are:
DD17
DD15
DD12

I stupidly allowed the 15y.o. to live with her Dad. Part of me wanted her to see that it wouldn't be all roses and tea parties and that she has a rose colored glasses view of her dad. Part of it is issues with my new H but mostly she wants to do what she wants.

Now the 12 y.o. wants to go and I cannot allow it. She asks why I won't let her sister come back. It isn't that I won't let her come back, it's that she is making demands on the conditions for her return. Partly that I don't like her current boyfriend. So my H jumped in to explain why we don't like the boyfriend. She got upset and felt he was yelling at her. Problem is he wasn't but gets fired up when it comes to my DD's selfish behavior. Now DD12 has told my x she wants to live with him.

Now is giving me a bunch of BS about giving him a chance to raise the kids. She will resent me if I don't let her go. Well, he doesn't raise the one he has, she is nearly living with his ailing parents because he works retail. He didn't help parent or be involved with them when we were married. So I keep saying no. I am afraid I shot myself in the foot allowing the DD15 to go.

Right now I have looked into a contempt of court if he comes and takes her anyway. But I really don't know what my legal options are. I have full custody of all three. I worry that he will try to force my hand and take her regardless of my telling him no. I refuse to allow the kids to bounce around and I know it's just because she is mad not because she really wants to to. I also refuse to allow my kids to run my household and dictate control and actions of myself or my H.

I am just frustrated and need a firm game plan. I know I don't deal with X firmly enough, partly because I was never able to be firm in our M.

Thanks so much for reading any help would be appreciated.

Worthy

If you have custody don't let her go. Simple as that. He could take you back to court and possibly win since your dd is 12 (and you've let the other one go) but if you show he is not an involved parent, he might now win anyway. Regardless, make him do the work...don't just roll over. Chances are your 12 year old will calm down before anything gets that far.

I have said no multiple times. So now if he comes and takes her despite that he IS in contempt of court. And basically that is what I will have to do. Charge him with that and then he will have to do the work.

I have kept a journal of the activity since DD15 left. It's about everything but also documents things that he has allowed to happen since living out there. Her time is split between grandmas and his house and she has been allowed to go pretty much any place she wants. He left the country without telling me and left her in his parents care. I found out after he returned and I had trouble tracking her down and couldn't get a hold of him.

I just frustrated and emotionally spent. But I know she is better off here I just need to stay on track.

Thanks so much for responding.

Worthy