Ugh NP, I am just heart sick for you. I agree with everyone else, lawyer up and FAST! Your WH does not deserve the grace that you have shown him. Get into Plan B as quickly as possible. Have you told your parents what he's done?

NP, can you go to your parents for awhile? I don't think your WH would be awarded the house especially if I recall correctly that he is out of work and you are the sole breadwinner. So I wouldn't advise emptying it, you and the little ones should get the home.

He doesn't want to leave bc in part, it makes it public what he is doing, which on some level he knows is wrong. Or he cares what others think of him more than what it is doing to you and the kids, or both. In any event, it isn't due to some higher calling on his part, that is for sure.

Soo sorry about the mess, it doesn't matter if others could see it, it matters more what you do NOW! Disengage, no drama, have a plan and work your plan. Organize yourself for plan B and follow through. In order to do this, you must have discipline and self control. Do you think that you are emotionally able to at this moment?

ba

Have you thought about packing up all of his things, leaving them on the porch and asking him to go. Sometimes, the sight of all of their stuff and the wife saying, "Bye bye honey," is enough to shock them into leaving. If you were going to do that, I would still have the kiddos somewhere else and some stuff with them. Enough for a few days, in case he really won't go. If he does go, change the locks or ask for all of his keys back.

Go DARK AS NIGHT PLAN B. You can do this. It will be hard but we are here for you.

((((Petals))))

Hon, thinking of you and praying.

I have no advice to give, just love and support.

Listen to the ladies here and take care of your two precious children.

;-)

Yep, a quick Plan B needs to be your response. Do you still have your letter? How soon can you talk to an attorney?

Your M is not on the Definitely Unsalvageable List, however you need to take immediate action to protect yourself. Protecting yourself will have the happy side effect of protecting your $LB from further hemorrhage, but you need to do it because it's right for you and the kidlets, no matter what.

Take some deep breaths, check on things as quickly as you're able, and don't hesitate to call on family and friends for help. You don't have to go through this alone.

{{{{{{{{{{{{NP}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I agree, pack his SH*T up, change the locks, and get him OUT!

Time for Plan B, a very Dark one. Change the locks this time too.

No advice to offer, but wanted to send ((((HUGS)))) to you and the kids. Please know we are all thinking of you.

Petals,

Haven't heard from you in a couple days. How you doin' hon?

NP, how did the appointment with the attorney go?

Remember, we are here to support you, lean on us! You aren't alone to handle all of this.

Best,

ba

How are you holding up NP?

Hi everyone, and thanks for the concern.

I haven't been to see a lawyer yet. The day after WH went to see OW (I can't even remember the days now, they're all blurring together), we had decided to separate and I said I'd buy him out of his share of the house, and he could just be gone from our lives. He was sitting on the bed holding our new son and all of a sudden his eyes got all red and he said he didn't know what he wanted to do.

Me....I've just been so numb. The ONLY thing that I know is that I do not want OW in my life or my children's life. I WILL NOT let that happen. I don't care what it takes from me, but I will not let that tramp wh#re be a part of our lives in any way. I don't know much other than that, and I'm just ... I think I'm still in shock or something. The days have all blurred together and it all seems like some horribly bad dream.

WH had an interview today and might be going to Oklahoma in Sept for job training, if he gets the job, for four months. Once this would have upset me....now...I just don't feel it at all.

Don't worry - I'm still able to function and take care of my children and give them love and attention, but when it comes to WH and our marriage, it 's like my mind just shuts down and won't process any of it.

I don't know what I can do next.

Write your plan B letter again!

NP you can no longer let this man ruin your life, you need to get him OUT so you can heal! Why is he still at the house?

I know you are not feeling anything right now, but honestly I would have kicked him out with my plan B letter, and had written out the D forms.

He doesn't know what he wants because he is a wayward, and he wont know until he LEAVES the house!

You need to do this for your own sanity NP, we are here to help you, you have family that love and care about you, your kids needs a FATHER, not some guy who wants to live the single life.

(((((NP)))))

You already know what you have to do and that is PLan B. Don't make any hard and fast decisions right now about your marriage. You should go and talk to an attorney and you can even get a separation agreement written up.

You need Plan B for your own sanity. You need to be able to focus on raising your children. You know you can do this. Plan B sweetie.

Sweetie, until he sees what life without you is like he will stay on that fence. (((NP)))

PS if you want that wh*re away from your children you need to go to plan B and get some legal advice about keeping her away. Avoiding this is not going to protect your babies.

NP, if any poster ever needed Plan B more, it's you. I'm sure you're overwhelmed with a new baby and all that that entails (lack of sleep, hormones, etc.) but as soon as you're able, you really, really need to see an attorney and go to Plan B, especially if you want to keep OW away from your child.

I'm sure your WH IS confused but his words mean nothing right now. You NEED a husband and father for your children that is there for all of you 100%.

Please take care of yourself and that precious new baby. Don't forget to pamper yourself, it's important.

Here is what I would do.

1. Make your plans today to get him out. Call on one or more friends or family members who will come over tomorrow the moment he leaves for work and help you pack his stuff. Write out your PBL. In the addendum, let him know that his visitation through an IM will begin next week.

2. Block his access to the house. All you would need to do is change deadbolts and block windows. Many places will make you give a WS access to the house, and you may have to give him keys at some point. So be it. You're still making a strong statement now, and it will buy you some time.

3. Leave all his things boxed up on the front porch.

4. Go to a friend's or family member's for the weekend and be completely unavailable for a couple of days.

I don't blame you at all for being in a daze over a FR. I was in a daze of my own when it happened, and I know exactly the feeling: brain functioning, somewhat, going through all the motions just fine, even posting and responding on MB, but nothing was getting through. Not really.

Because I have been there, I also know the solution. You need to snap out of it. You need to reconnect with the reality of your life. You need to get good and mad and let your anger be the catalyst to move you forward, but in a focused, by-the-plan way.

Stir your stumps, girl - the time for action is now! Your babies are depending on you. No one BUT you can do this for them. Get started today. Now.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{NewPetals}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

NP, how are you? How is the little one?

NP, if you're avoiding posting because you haven't done anything yet, come back anyway. Many of us have been in your shoes, and can help you through this no matter what place you're in just now.

Putting this off will only make it worse in the long run, and put your marriage at greater risk of ending.

Putting this off is damaging for you and your children, since it is keeping you from being the great mom I know you are.

We can help you.