Gerka,

I don't know you, but welcome home with a big hug. Thank you for your service.

I am sorry to hear about the house key, phone and car. They all stink. But they are temporary conditions. Probably by now, you are well on your way to having solved all of them.

Ditto to what RIF said. I know whatever happens, you will come out on top.

AM

Double ditto!

I'm glad that you're home too.

Got back in my house to find it had flooded from the upstairs unit while I was gone. No one was living in either one so it went unchecked throughout the summer. Rain-forest like growth of mold was the result. All electronics, furniture, clothes, etc. are all ruined. It just keeps getting better.

Please tell me her stuff got ruined as well.

Gerka,

Thanks for insurance right? Now you get to buy new and better fitting stuff. Really a pain I know. However, things will get better. You are home and that is a big start and a relief.

Hang in there.

JL

Yes please do.

It would be a good start in the karma department, right?

Welcome Home!!!


Document Gerka!! DOCUMENT!!

Make sure you have neighbors/friends over to witness it,,take lots of pictures & video before you start to clean up.

She's going to say YOU destroyed her stuff and threw it out!

Gerk:

I would pack it up like it is, and mail it to her...

Scum and everything!

I am feeling rather rude today, aren't I?

LG

I'm thankful that you are home. And grateful for your service.

Sorry your homecoming wasn't all that great.

You're sharp, You have insurance I'm sure. Gives your mind something to do. Dump your cheater and have a great life. Good luck.

Accidentally, or on purpose?

We routinely turn off the water supply and the pump when the family's travelling and leaving the house empty.

He said it was from the upstairs unit... sounds like it's maybe a condo or something? Bummer! I wonder why the neighbors didn't bother to leave a note for him or SOMETHING? Hope THEY have insurance.

Or was he talking about an A/C unit?

I'm confused.

Welcome home!

I agree, document and then clean up. Hope you got a place to stay right now. It's okay, these things happen.

Had an hour long chat with WW shortly after I got back. It started off with her asking, "How miserable are you going to make my life?" I explained how all my stuff was ruined, car was broken, etc. She immediately came back with, "I want my stuff appraised too. If you don't have them look at it then I'll sue you for the damage to my stuff." She said her baby pictures, and other valuable photo albums, degrees\diplomas etc. were there and she really wanted them back. She also said her wedding dress was there and she wanted that back. I held a hard line about trying to do what was best for the marriage, asked her if there was anything that could be done, etc. She told me how I was the worst husband in the universe, listed off everything I've ever done wrong, and explained that we definitely would have worked things out if I hadn't turned her in to the Army. That even if she killed someone she would expect her husband not to turn her in. I tried to explain that the difference is that she betrayed me, and I didn't turn her in because I wanted to, but because I thought it was the only way to save our marriage. Her response: "Well it only made my decision easier." I explained that I had no choice when she plainly chose OM over our marriage and told me she wasn't interested in counseling or anything. She said if I had waited a few days instead of reporting her immediately, she would have changed her mind.

She was nasty, venomous and mean. I didn't accuse her of anything, call her names or anything.

Then Sunday, on our 2 year anniversary, a process server showed up to serve me divorce papers. Pretty cold on her part. It hurt.

She's been calling twice a day since then. I haven't answered. Today she left a voice mail to the effect of:
"I just want to check on our stuff, the apprraisals, etc. I know you don't want to talk to me right now, but if you could keep me in the loop through email or something I would appreciate it. I need to submit a leave form so I need to know when I can come and get my stuff."

I guess after getting served on our anniversary something inside me just broke. It's like she's not even a human being anymore. Since then I've been fighting the urge to throw all her things in the dumpster outside my house. I likened her stuff to our marriage via an analogy. No matter how badly I wanted to save our marriage, she could destroy it by herself. And I could make the aftermath painful and expensive for her, but that wouldn't bring the marriage back. Same deal for her things.

I talked to a good friend of mine that's also a lawyer, and asked him what to do about her stuff. He said:
Tell her it appraised for less than the value of the psychiatric care you're going to need to get over her [censored], so she shouldn't worry, you'll take care of it for her.

Made me laugh.

I'm really liking the idea of never speaking to her again. She's deploying in January, so I really don't think there's much she can do if I trash her things. It also makes it seem kind of petty that she wanted the dog back when she knows she's leaving for a year.

Gerk,

You need plan B/D more than anybody. Put her crap in storage, mail her the key, pay for one month, and then change all your contact information and go to a very dark plan B/D. Trust me, this tiger just showed her true stripes. She's a truly awful person. Even if you would have gotten back together, she would have treated you like this in the future. She's a very selfish and vindictive human being with no compassion or empathy. You just hadn't pissed her off much before. Now that you have, you get the b!tch treatment. It would have been coming anyway. Just move on and let her rot. The only way to get over her will be to cut all communication with her. Trust me, after 6 months of NC for YOU to defog, you'll be thanking your lucky stars that you are free of her. Choose more wisely next time. I know it sucks right now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I'd be inclined to go for the dumpster route myself. Maybe she'd try to take you to small claims court - big deal. Or make it part of the divorce proceedings. Again, bfd. The courts would be supremely uninterested. Just take lots of pictures so you have proof that stuff was damaged. You could always say there was a mold issue...;)

But, if you DO go for the storage route, it also screws her nicely, since it would be difficult for her to get in on the insurance proceedings.

She's been in the fog a long, long time. AND she's going away soon. Not phenomenal material on which to take the risk of your future happiness.

Give her the ol' heave-ho.

I�m really truly sorry you�re going through this. Seriously, you will one day thank God she is out of your life. You can do much better than this and deserve better than her. Just remember, tough times don�t last. Tough people do.

Remember, remember, you are not the reason for her selfish choices.
She is blaming you for the embarrassment that she is feeling.
'Things' turned out this way, due to her actions, not yours.



Know that she is gaslighting you here.
Exposure was the right thing to do for your M. Don't question that.
She would have continued the A.

You did better than I would have at this point.
You're a good man Gerka.
Always keep in your mind that you gave her every opportunity to restore the M, and you did it with integrity.



There is no reason to speak to her again.
I hope that you can get your dog back.

Gerkaguards -

Let me echo what Vittoria said. This is all the result of your WW's own selfish actions. No matter how much venom she spews at you, know you took the road of integrity and did what you could to save your M.

I certainly have a vested interest in marriages recovering from betrayal, but even I would say here you/she needs Plan B/D.

If she ever comes out of the fog, she will be appalled at what she has done, and how she has treated you - especially in contrast to how you have treated her throughout all of this.

Your actions have mattered to her, and they have registered (as you have seen with the bile spewed at you). More importantly, though, I hope they have mattered to you. Your personal recovery is worth loads, and it is something you can take forward with you and apply in the rest of your life.

If you can, I would photograph all of her stuff for evidence, and either let her come get it as is, or store what you can in a unit, mail her the key, etc. Not sure about insurance cuts or any of that, though, so this is my uninformed $.02.