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What forever is:
-- Forever means working through all the hard times as well as the good.
-- Forever means you have faith that all will be right
-- Forever means leaving is NOT an option
-- Forever means you do what is right not what is easy
-- Forever means you would lay your life down if need be
-- Forever means letting go of the past and moving on
-- Forever means forgiveness
-- Forever means remembering all these things and being true to the promises made
What forever is not:
-- Forever is not leaving when things truely get tough
-- Forever is not seeking the comfort of someone else to make leaving easier
-- Forever is not betraying all that has been worked for to avoid the pain that comes with facing hard truths
Just some thoughts.....
Jason
Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.
Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.
2 PA 1999 w/ IA.
1 EA 2002.
IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)
Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Forever means leaving is NOT an option That sounds like an ENABLERS prayer. Does "forever" apply when your spouse is beating the hell out of you? Or abusing you with adultery? Or physically assaulting you? Where is the virtue in making yourself available to be abused? There is no virtue in being an enabler, my friend.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2000
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My husband, the comedian, likes to say.... "I love you forever. Forever being a relative term, of course." 
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Joined: Dec 1999
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For those reasons yes leave, I should have been more clear on that. Although it sometimes takes a while to recognise when it is a lost cause.
I realize forever is a concept that is "quaint" nowadays. I refuse to accept the prevailing attitude these days. If we all ran away when things get tough no one would ever stay together. I believe in the concept that when you marry you do so for better or worse, for life. Not till it gets too hard then we quit
Things will get hard at times, there are times when you will be unhappy. That is a reason to change and fix what is wrong, not run away. Yes there are things that are unforgivable and in those cases...leave.
I refuse to let my past experiences color my views, I refuse to stop believing that you can stay married for life.
Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.
Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.
2 PA 1999 w/ IA.
1 EA 2002.
IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)
Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I refuse to let my past experiences color my views, I refuse to stop believing that you can stay married for life. As long as that is not used as an excuse to remain in an abusive situation. People have nervous breakdowns and commit suicide from staying in abusive situations. We know of 2 betrayed spouses who hung themselves, several who had nervous breakdowns. They are not married for life anymore; they are dead. There is no virtue or sanity in staying in an abusive situation, unseen. That is self destructive.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 1999
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Agreed!!
Sides I've already had my breakdown...lol. Not funny I know but a week and a half on a psych ward gives you a very different perspective.
Jason
Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.
Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.
2 PA 1999 w/ IA.
1 EA 2002.
IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)
Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JASON}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 264
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 264 |
Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.
Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.
2 PA 1999 w/ IA.
1 EA 2002.
IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)
Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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I believe in the concept that when you marry you do so for better or worse, for life. Not till it gets too hard then we quit
......
I refuse to let my past experiences color my views, I refuse to stop believing that you can stay married for life. Jason, why didn't you marry your girlfriend? You have stated what "forever" means to you, but when did she make a commitment of "forever" to you? Your girlfriend suggested a "break", and during that break she went with someone else. Isn't that what she was entitled to do, without the commitment of marriage? I've had that happen to me - indeed when we were not "on a break" - and I know that it hurts terribly, but it is not like the broken covenant of a marriage. You've been urged on your other thread to look at your relationships and the choices you have made. How do you get a commitment to "forever" without marriage?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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We were engaged, going to marry this fall.
I wanted to wait till some time had passed after the divorce of #2. Even though we had started the process in 2005, the divorce did not finalize till 2009. She drug it out so we would still be "married" while I was deployed, it was not a pretty process. We had made a commitment prior to me asking her to marry.
I had thought she understood that I was not going to ask her till the D was final. I asked her in Feb of this year, and if she changed what she felt that quick maybe waiting was a good choice afterall.
And yes she did commit to forever, before I did. A commitment to be true does not have to be a legal arraingement.
Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.
Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.
2 PA 1999 w/ IA.
1 EA 2002.
IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)
Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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I hadn't realised that the divorce wasn't final until 2009.
I agree that a commitment to be true does not have to be a legal arrangement. Couples dating or living together can and do make this commitments - to each other.
It's just that marriage, with its legal and public arrangement, is something altogether different. I suppose you must believe that too, since you were planning to marry her this year.
That doesn't mean that I do not understand and appreciate your hurt. I'm simply wondering what your commitment meant to her.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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