ElCamino just asked me for a divorce!!!!!! We've been very stressfull due to the moving. We were working on the moving, our stuff was picked up already, and i was cleaning around the house when the royal rumble started.

I was very dissapointed that he was sleeping while I was working trying to get the house ready! I didn't say anything, but I was very angry. He dissapered yesterday. and I realized he was home at 4:40am! I tried to contact him during the day, but he never answered.

I saw a message today saying that he had left the keys, and to call him. I did, and that's ehrn he dropped the Divorce-bomb. I mean, I don't think that is reason enough to call it quits. Specially when we are not even trying hard. we are spending time together, etc...

At first I said that I was not enthusiastic about it, but that I couldn't control his decisions. He said to put a stop to the moving, but we've already rented a house in VA, plus the girls are already setup for school in the US.

I sent him a message telling him that I was moving to VA, and that I was not stopping the moving. Am I wrong to ask for that, should I just accept the D, I mean, I'm the WS do I have a say in that decision? I don't have internet access, nor a place to stay, I don't want to involve my family.

I'm connected at a public computer at the mall. But please, let me know what to do, and I'll try to re-connect again as soon as I can.

Thanks for your help!!!

Rizos, you must fight for your marriage. I would call your coach at Marriage Builders and ask what she wants to do.

Can you email your coach and ask her to call you ASAP?

I am so sorry this is happening!

Rizos,

I'm afraid I have no advice to offer beyond Mel's suggestion to call and get your MB coach and Dr H to talk to him directly.

Beyond that, the best I can offer is to pray for you both...

Mark

I contacted Sandy, I've already spoken with her. ElCamino is in defensive mode. When I say something, he took it in the wrong way!!! I don't want to stop the moving, it will mean the end of M. Our only hope is to move, and get away from OM, family and friends. Just us, and our daughters. We'll see, right now, I'm very tired emotionally and physically...

ElCamino doesn't want to discuss anything with me, except filing for divorce. I decided to agree. Schools in Puerto Rico start in 2 weeks!!!!!!, I can not waste time. What a mess.

It's too bad, I know that our marriage could have been great, I do love him. I don't think he was able to even start recovering from my affair. I'm going nuts. Tomorrow he's picking up the girls, but doesn't want to see me, nor he cares about canceling anything else. I'll have to cancel everything myself, I'm kind of dissapointed right now.

Will he come speak to us?

Rizos, my friend, you have to fight harder than that if you want to save your marriage. You gave up without a fight! That sends the message to him that you don't CARE!!

Go back and tell him he will only get a divorce over your COLD DEAD, BLOATED BODY! Tell him NO, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU AND I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

He needs to see you fight for him, Rizos. He has lost so much. Go show him you were worth the loss.

We are not even together. We don't have a place to stay, other than in VA. I tried to convince him to move to US, and he doesn't want too.

I don't know if I should go ahead with the move, or if I should cancel it (actually, I don't know if we can cancel at this point). He'll be able to follow me (for our daughters sake). But I just don't know, this uncertainty is killing me. Unless is about divorce, he doesn't want to deal with me!!!!!

Rizos, he is having regrets right now and he needs you to calm his fears. He has lost so very much. It is up to you to reassure him by showing him you DO CARE.

Can you put aside your hurt feelings right now and tend to his wounds? You are almost out of this dark forest. You are so much closer to moving and getting away from all the triggers of the OM and his business. Don't give up when you are this close to the finish line.

Go show him he didn't give up so much for a woman who DOESN'T CARE. Go show him you CARE, RIZOS. That is what he needs to see.

How I show him I care? He is coming to pick our daughter tomorrow at my sisters house, and doesn't want to see me.

TOUGH. You come out and see him and tell him you aren't giving up. Tell him NO, he can't have a divorce. You love him and are not giving up.

Ok, I'll do it. I'll keep you informed. And I won't stop the moving, if it's what it's best for our marriage, I won't stop it!!!!

Good girl! You are stronger than his despair, Rizos. He is beaten down from all this and he needs you to fight for this marriage now. I know you can do this for your marriage. Show him how much you care. He needs to see you fight for him.

Thanks for your help. He came in today and pick up our dughters. He wants to spend the night with them. I was waiting for him with a big smile (and curly hair). He seem Ok. I remained calm, no big scene, and told him to contact Melodylane. He put a smile on!!!, I know, he knows he's in trouble now!!!! . I'll keep my cool, and I'll continue with moving plans. I'll send my car to VA next week. I won't let his despair shattered my hopes!!!!

Good job!! Don't give up!

Remember what Steve Harley said about treating your wounded patient? That is what you have to do now. He is hurting because he has lost so much. You have to continue to render aide to your patient. Help him through this and don't let him leave the hospital.

This is what triggered him, isn't it? Be careful with him, Rizos. He is hurting badly so now is not a good time to be fuming at him. He is walking wounded. He needs care and compassion.

Ok, I'll be very careful, and caring.

I'll be honest, my first thought is, "Who is the OW?"

Before this recent blowup, had you been meeting his need for SF lately? I find that from a man's POV it is really hard for a man to leave a woman that is meeting his need for SF, no matter how wrong she is for him or how pissed off he is.

Jim,
No, I have not being fullfiling his SF lately. I've made the Big mistake of acting like a Crazy Irish Chick and took full control (independently from EC), and I was left so tired that I didn't even realize that I was not meeting that need, nor others. Huge mistake...

I don't think there's another Woman involve. We have talked about either of us having a future affair, after what we've learned about on the MB program. We both agreed that there wouldn't be a 2nd chance for me, nor a 1srt chance for him!!! After what we've learned...

Anyway, even if he wants to divorce, I'm moving to VA. That's where our new rented house is. I've got the keys of the house... And I have no place to stay in PR, he waited until I gave our own house keys to new renters to drop the D-bomb. We'll see what happens, I'll do full blown plan A until I dropped dead! Although is hard when we are not even together... I'll see what I can do about it...