You also need to get to the school HR dept and take him off of your paperwork there. He seems like the type to try something. Pre-empt it. His name needs to be off anything with the district, so check and make sure he has absolutely no access to your stuff.



I think it is funny that they are working on your teenager. What that tells you is that they believe teens are gullible.

It only shows the stupidity of people in the wayward mindset. They believe that teenagers have no morals and will go along with them. Truth is, teens actually have a pretty strong sense of ethics, are strongly averse to hurting people, and generally stand for the underdog. They've chosen the wrong child to target.


I would never have chosen her as the "weak link". She is liable to blow this back in their faces, and they have no clue what can come out of her mouth. They should be very careful with their target......just saying.

I agree SB....especially since she and I are very close. Even when we were a family....DD14 always came to me with all her issues. They're manipulating her for sure....this is one amazing brother/sister due. Two of the fakest, most manipulating people you could ever meet. I'd say SIL has probably spoken to DD maybe 25 times in her 14 almost 15 years of life....she'll call her on birthdays and that's pretty much it.

She told DD that she loved me and that she was praying for us. I reminded my dd of how she threatened to take her and brothers away from me. DD is very smart and WH just keeps confirming everything she thinks through his actions.

My DS11 and DS10 went to camp this week and won't be home until Saturday night....DS7 went to day camp today, so it was myself, DD14 and my mom....we went shopping for school clothes and then off to Chipotles, my DD favorite eat place. We also got her some new earings for her "cartlidge"...I don't understand these kids and their piercings, but I'm stopping right there....no bellybuttons or nose. She keeps asking though.

Anyhoo, we had a great time.

I thought of something last night.....one of my husband's many attempts in his life was this cookie business. He had an idea to make cookies with scriptures inside. He paid all this money for preview packaging and he even talked this member of our church into investing $10,000. This made me so nervous.....not because I didn't believe in his idea,,, but why was he trying to start so big? He wanted all this money up front, packaging, a recipe, factories, etc.. I kept telling him, "Why don't you start small....make the cookies and package them on a small level and then sell at flea markets, etc. No, he just visited a few people he wanted money from, but when he didn't get it, he gave up. He just sat around the house while I worked. He always wanted God to just join him in his ideas and his plans.....never taking advice from others who told him to start small.

Anyway, last night on 700 club there was this woman who started a company called "Covenant Cookies"....it's a business that makes fortune style cookies, but she decorates them so cute and puts scriptures inside. She has an incredible testimony and God gave her the idea since his word healed her. She started small with no money...going from flea market to flea market and putting her product into small stores....etc. Now, she has two factories and online business. I told my mom, "I can't believe it....God gave her Michael's dream because He knew she was willing to follow him and do his bidding instead of her own." It's just like in Esther when Malichi told her, God has called you for such a time as this...if you don't obey...he will bring about his purposes through someone else.

I think my WH had lots of great ideas and dreams, but only his way. He would never take counseling from anyone but himself...sad really.

HopeE,

I once had a terrific psych professor who described the Id that part of us that makes us say, "I want what I want when I want it." That's why I say that about waywards, because it is when the Id takes over that the wayward mindset wins.

It seems that your WH has lived often in the Id. He wanted the children's Christmas money, and so he has it. He wanted the OW, and so he has her. He wanted his time away from the family for himself, and so he took it. He wanted the cookie company the way he wanted it..... Well, the Id is not the greatest part of ourselves to follow, for obvious reasons. Left uncontrolled, the Id allows, well, anarchy.

That's why we have the friends of the Id, namely, the Ego and Superego.


Your WH is a little short on balance.



I'm not typically a Freudian, but this one thing I think he got right.


SB

Well, it's been a relaxing week and I only have one more week before I go back to school (sigh) I just worry as to whether I'm healed enough. I think I'm ready!!

With his most recent pile of crap...moving near the OW.....I lost major love bank points. I've hardly thought about him all week....it almost scares me. Oh, and this weekend is his and he didn't even contact IM to get kiddos. The last weekend was the 5th weekend of July and this weekend is the first for August....he's clueless about his own visitation. I didn't even send a message to remind him because I would rather have them with me anyway.

First God gave me the scripture, "Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead." This was to help me through the grief and loss. Now, I have a new scripture: Psalms 40:1-3

‎"I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God." Psalm 40:1-3

Plan B is beginning to work for you.

You are starting to see the rest it creates, and you are coming into some peace through it.

Once you are able to create the distance from the drama of all that is wrapped up in WH and his swirling mess, you can see more clearly exactly what he really is.

The fact is that while he has walked out on you and he has told you that his choice is to dissolve the marriage. Your desire at the time of his affair and even now is that the marriage should be saved, there may come a time that this may all change. He may change his mind - and YOU MAY, TOO.

Things could very well turn out that you will come to a point that you find that your WH is not the man that you desire in your life, even if he somehow decides to return to the marital home (even if he says he will change).

Sometimes Plan B goes one way, sometimes the other. There is no telling how your life will play out. What you come to understand is that


it is YOUR choice

you do not have to accept him back into the marriage.

And if you do want to accept him back into the marriage, you should have clear expectations, clear plans, for what he would have to DO in order for that to happen (the MB way).


Plan B is for you. You make changes to yourself, find that peace, find that strength, regroup after this huge blow.

You think about your own life, your own choices, your own dreams.

Leave WH out there to drift. That is his problem, and even if you wanted to control the current he's flowing on, you couldn't.

You have enough work controlling your own.

And I'm glad to see you are giving it over to the only entity who can really do any controlling, anyway.

SB

Yeahhhh!!!!!!!!! Just dropped all three boys off at VBS from 6-9....every mother's dream come true. Three hours of uninterupted me time for 5 whole days.

But, my A/C is not working and it's 85 degrees in this house. I just called the A/C man and he will be here at 7:00....I hope it's a quick fix.

Glad you got some time alone. That will be fun once you get this pesky AC working.

Take some time for you, you deserve it.

Thanks SB for your post....somehow I missed it. I agree that things for plan B could go either way...interesting how my feelings change from day to day. I got a call from my mom and she told me that this guy I dated in college just divorced his wife for having an affair.....he was done....no going back. He has two boys and they are with him. My mom seemed surprised by this..."with him?" I told my mom that I thought it was great!!! Good for him...those boys should be with the solid parent, not the one going around cheating on their father. She doesn't even mind it. I told my mom that's because she's addicted to this OM and nothing else matters....not even her children.

My WH is the same....he misses his visitations, rarely calls, and he could easily try to see them at other times or ask to come by and take them somewhere, but no, he's completely out of their life and they know it.

Scotty, it's slowly getting cooler in the house....$126 later. Fortunately, it was something simple and cheap. Now, if it will just make it through the summer.

I have a window AC in the dinning room. It only cools the living and dinning room. I had to turn it on today because it was 85 in there. It was HOT and MUGGY, then there was a Thunderstorm, and now it is even more muggy. Got down to 78 before I came to bed though. Should be good for the boys for their sleepover in the living room. Glad it was an easy fix, just sucks that it cost some money for it too.

Isn't it funny how when people find out that your spouse ha had an affair, they are more open with telling you about other people's too. My friend from work told me that her son just had his wife tell him that she is done. He suspects an affair. they have a 5YO. The WW sat the 5YO down in front of the dad and said, "Who do you want, mommy or daddy?" The 5YO ran over to his father and said, "I want Daddy." Hopefully, the WW will let her BH have custody. What a bonehead.

It seems more and more to me that the distant parent in the family is the most likely to have an affair or I guess I could be way off. With my WH, he didn't do much with our children other than yell at them. He would occasionally take them to the lake or hunting, but he would only take one at a time. We just never had family time....all of us together on a vacation? What's that?

I actually have started dreaming about having a real family time with a husband who loves me and will enjoy my children. My WH likes the "idea" of our children, but doesn't want to invest in them.

I hope all is well with you. I read several threads on here and have been sick and fell behind. Did you start a new thread?

HU

I think she's back at work, and that means the teacher in her is busy with fixing her classroom at night, inservices in the daytime, and figuring out what to do with her LIFE in between!

I too hope everything is going well. I am not worried though. I know that MelodyLane has RL access so if there was a problem, we'd hear about it.

Take care HopeE.

Hello everyone,

All is well and yes school is back in session. I went back today and we started out on a ropes course.....this was my first time and I was really into it....especially with all my weight loss. It was so much easier to stay up and motivated knowing I looked and felt better. The scariest thing I did was this fall back. You had to stand on a platform and fall backwards....your team would catch you. I felt like a kid standing on the diving board for the first time....I kept wanting to crawl back down the ladder. Our facilitator kept telling me, "don't look back or you will never do it." All I could think about was my current situation. "Don't look back or you will never do it." Then God reminded me of the song I posted here recently.

"I'm letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams
I'm losing control
I feel like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe"

Those are a few of the lyrics. It was hard for me to trust that those people would catch me and they did!!!!

Several told me, "you were the easiest to catch for some reason" I'd like to think it was because I was lighter...LOL

Tomorrow is convocation and our school will be on the floor of auditorium because we are a recognized school here in Texas. We also made AYP. This is a huge success since we are a 98% Hispanic school. This is our first time to be recognized.

WH's school was also recognized and there is a small possibility that I might see him....I'm not worried though. I can see that getting back to work will be good for me and I'm motivated. I had a few funky feeling moments today, but not bad....mainly when people would ask me the status of my sitch. I hated trying to rehash what's happened since the roll-out of all this.

My parents are here....I'm happy, but kids aren't (my dad is super strict) I'm glad they are here though...I need them in order to have peace of mind during the day.

For now, I'm trying to tighten my plan B.....trying to stop the messages from the kids. I had another talk with them about not delivering information to me about WH unless it's something important. I'm still very sensative to info that gets through. I can hear something and it will send me out for hours....I don't want those feelings around me.

The D is slow as I want it and I will have a date in mind as does Scotty.

I appreciate all of you here on MB and I would be lost without you!!!! I'm still hope-eternal

Hi HopeE

As a teacher (alternative high school program) I just gotta say:

Congrats!!!! I know what this means.

Thanks Johnstwin

It's a huge accomplishment for our school and after 11 years at this one school, I'm so glad I get to witness it.

Congrats to you as well.

Convocation went well and never saw WH....I was glad for this. Now we have two more days of training on new textbook and one day to work on our classroom....ugghhh I wish we had more time in our rooms.

Now I have to tackle back to school nights for my own children.

My granddaughter's school started something new this year. The teachers actually came to their houses to meet and talk with the children and parents before school starts next week. I was thinking, are they crazy?!?!? They have no idea what goes on in some of these kids homes.

When I lived in NM, the teachers came to our houses. It was good for my youngest, she needed that visit.


HopeE, I'm so glad things went well at convocation. Somehow, I knew it would.

In my heart, I think he was hiding from you, because he is weak and ashamed. As he should be. Can you picture him ducking down below people and skulking around, watching for you so he couldn't be seen? That's probably what he did....

because....

his sin makes him like a cockroach:

they don't like it when the lights are on them.

He was well-seen by others but left before it was over....based on what others told me. Either way, I was not ashamed because I knew that I had done everything I could to save my marriage.

I do still love him and miss him terribly; many people don't understand this and feel I should just "get over him". Maybe one day I will.

My DS's open house was short and sweet...I dropped off the supplies, met the teacher and filled out a few papers. DS7 seemed satisfied with his new teacher since my DS10 and DS11 said that she was great. I hope he has a great year.