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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20 |
I guess I am rather stupid and foolish, just looking at this from a simplistic point of view. I love this girl and do anything for her. You will do anything for her? Even suffering the pain to see a married woman living with you and not devoting her life to you?
She has also always had my complete and total honesty, never keeping anything from her. And yet she can go behind your back and cheat and marry another man with out you knowing??Not only do I love her and am attached to her, I am also dependent on her due to my disability, which makes it extremely difficult to in vision being without her. It also makes it extremely difficult for me to ever see myself building a life with someone else. If this is the case, then I am sorry, I can't help you, none of us can, you need to realize that woman is a liar, no matter how much you love her, and if you can live you life like that for the rest of your life, then all I can say is "GOOD LUCK!"  I should run, but I have no where to run to and no one to run to, and with being disabled, running from her is even harder, she is the income earner. She is my life and I have always wanted her to be my wife. If that is what you believe then that is your life, you have already decided your life that you want to live. Someone once told me "you are at in your life because you made it your life, if you want something to change, then YOU HAVE TO CHANGE and PAY THE PRICE!"If that (being my wife) isn't what she wants (which I guess it isn't since she has not gotten the divorce) I can't understand why she choose to spend her life with me and to come home to me every night. Because you are meeting her needs, just like her HUSBAND was meeting her other needs, you say she is with you every day and every night, if that's a case put a VAR in her car and then you will see. She is having the best of both worlds, a husband and a b/f to live with. J [color:#990000][/color] I am starting to realize that perhaps a good part of the reason that I have put up with this stuff from her is because I am so afraid of being alone. I really fell apart when she left for a while back around 2005 and had to spend time in a hospital program to get through it all. I realize my emotional difficulties makes this ever harder for me. I of course do NOT want to live the way I am living it is so wrong in so many ways. I just had desperately hoped there was still chance at repair. However looked at even the things I wrote and told you about her, makes me realize that I have been trying to repair this for 5 years and it has not worked and likely nothing ever will. I know this isn't the situation technically, but from an emotional standpoint for me it is; Leaving her is like me having to leave an unfaithful spouse. Something that is I am sure extremely difficult for even an emotionally healthy person. J
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20 |
what makes you think she will remain faithfully married to you? I have no way of ever really knowing if I could really ever trust her again. The trust factor is so damaged that your correct, I would never really know if she was faithful. J
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20 |
Hello Jim,
I sincerely hope you are feeling at least a little better than you seemed to be last evening. I suspect the reason you are not posting lately is that you have not been receiving the advice you were expecting or hoping to hear. I am not surprised. As far as I am concerned MB is the elite of the legitimate pro-marriage sites on the internet. It is equivalent to what I think the Green Bay Packers are to the NFL. (just my own silly sports analogy here..*s*) There are other legitimate pro-marriage sites as well, but few and far between, and I have no doubt that you will receive similar advice on those sites as well. The downside Jim is that there are mostly likely internet sites and/or individual counselors who are NOT pro-marriage or are NOT at all ethical or legitimate, and would be willing to give you misleading advice that is contrary to what you are receiving here. These sources would be dangerous and harmful to you morally and emotionally. Be careful Jim on what you are searching for.
All that being said, altho I do not know your situation first-hand at all, it strikes me that you appear to be fairly isolated in terms of being able to receive trusted advice and counsel in this matter - just plain simply someone trustworthy to confide in. So, I think you are relying on your own feelings rather than having the luxury and comfort of someone you can trust to 'bounce' your feelings off.
If you think that people on the other end of an electronic connection on the Internet - given that they are true, caring and most importantly legitimte - do not care, then you are just simply wrong Jim. The legitimate ones, and there are so many here, are moral, honest, filled with true life experiences, compassion and caring, honest, and etc. But, they are not going to be dishonest with themselves and their morals to simply tell you what You want to hear.
This leads me to say to you again that for the sake of your emotional and mental health, and for the sake of your spiritual health (and I know you said you are not very religious, but still it is a truth), you need to disengage from this woman who you think of as a 'wife', but who in reality is Not. If you do this, and come back and promise that you are, I will welcome you back with an open mind and open arms.
Jim, I have been a member here for about 5 mos., and back in the 80's I did crisis intervention. Of all the posts and of all of the telephone conversations I have had to do this one to you has been the hardest.
With regards to you and your health,
TOm HI; No I wanted to have there be a way to work things out, but I guess I wasn't really expecting to hear that. I think a big part of me knew the kind of advice that I was going to get, and it is the kind of advice that I think I need. I still don't know how I am going to be able to apply the advice and get through it all. I guess on a logical non-emotional level, I've accepted everything you guys have said, I know it is all true, that she won't change and everything. I am having a very hard time accepting it on an emotional level and processing it all. Even though I know I need to. I am feeling very overwhelmed with this whole relationship situation right now. Taking that next step of removing myself from it, is going to be extremely difficult for me - even knowing that it is the best thing for me long term - short term it is very painful. Thank you for your kind support. J
Last edited by Frustrated_Jim; 08/01/10 10:18 PM.
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 20 |
Get away while you still have a shred of sanity and a grasp on reality. This relationship is TOXIC! Just a shred of sanity left here... Yes, I do see how toxic it has been on my life, and am seeing now that there is no way to fix it. I used to think I could fix anything given enough time, effort, love and devotion. J
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
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Posts: 2,780 |
Get away while you still have a shred of sanity and a grasp on reality. This relationship is TOXIC! Just a shred of sanity left here... Yes, I do see how toxic it has been on my life, and am seeing now that there is no way to fix it. I used to think I could fix anything given enough time, effort, love and devotion. J You are really young to be disabled.....is there any hope you will get better and be more self-sufficient? Either way you don't need this 'woman' in your life. Ugh. I'd love to know the real deal with her and that husband of hers....and that enabling family of hers.... So weird.
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Joined: May 2010
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So what have you decided?
Are you going to some how find a way to get away from this toxic woman?
I sure hope so...
Good luck if you haven't decided, I have said all the advice I can give you.
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