Hi All-

I was on this site a little over a year ago (aka NeedHonesty) because my DH was lying to me about money (gambling), his health, myspace acct... I never truly found out if there was an A on his part. It's just always been in way in the back of my mind as an unanswered question. Anyway, that is not why I'm here today.

I had to change my name because I am the one who has been dishonest. The one whose top EN was O&H for a long while is now the deceiver.

I was recently triggered by a health issue my DH had. I thought he was lying to me again (but all evidence shows he was honest). Well, I put some walls up with him and have not been very loving to him for at least a few weeks to a month. By doing so, I put myself in a bad position and made a hugely wrong decision. My DH left for a trip with his friends last Thurs AM (I did not have a problem with this). However, when I was wishing him good-bye, I didn't get a hug, smile, kiss, nothing. Anyway, I left for work that morning wanting. The conditions were ripe (I have no contact with DH while he's on his trip- no access by phone, etc).

Friday was worse. I hope this isn't to much information, but I really wanted physical contact (at this point, I was still thinking DH- but frustrated about having to wait until he returns).

Friday night I logged onto AdultFriendFinder (Bad Choice #1). Started cybersex online (Bad Choice #2). I got to chatting with an individual (he lives in the same city) and it turned into a phone call (Bad Choice #3). We talked for ~4hrs (phone sex for most of it).

Sat night- got a text from him (OM) to call him. I did (Bad Choice #5). Phone sex went on for over 6 hours. I almost invited him over- but didn't (thank God).

Last night- same text from OM and I called him (Bad choice #6)- phone sex for ~3 hrs. Left the conversation about taking it to the next level. Discussing on when we could meet.

I don't know if at this point it's divine intervention, but our schedules conflict for the next 2 weeks.

I emailed him this morning with a very soft (I don't think I can do this anymore) but of course- it is still a ridiculous attempt.

Okay, I know I'm having moments of clarity (like right now) but I also no the fog is lingering close by and given another opportunity, you can see I could be headed for Bad Choice #7.

THe song "Slow Fade" is quite applicable here. It's only been less than 72 hours and I have made tons of choices. All of them very obvious. First I need you all to tell me that this is wrong. I know it is, but I need to keep reminding myself because I feel like an addict right now (jonesing for more). Sorry if that's too much but that's the only way I can describe how I am felling and that I am not making sound decisions. I will also need help with encouragement to tell my DH when he returns about this weekend. It's really easy to chicken out and shove this under the rug.

Bring it on, Please.

PKB

As you wish .....

THIS IS WRONG.

Don't do anything you would not want published on the front page of a newspaper.

You have 9 and 6 year-old kids.
Can't you find more productive uses for your time?

You've spent hours on rubbish.

Go read books to your kids.

Yes- my kids do NOT deserve my selfishness!!!

You spend hours on the phone having phone sex to another man and yet where are your children during those times??

I am disgusted first off, because you have left your children to have phone sex with another man!! THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!

WAKE UP!!!

BLOCK THAT NUMBER NOW!!!!!

BLOCK HIS EMAIL!!!

BLOCK THAT SITE!!!!

TELL YOUR HUSBAND!!!!

I agree...

TELL YOUR HUSBAND!!!!

He has the right to know that his wife has been cheating on him so he can make a decision about what to do about it.

good grief....

The phone sex was at night (children in bed)
Which means I have had ~10 hours of sleep between Fri-present

Yes this is disgusting!!
Im off the site. (and therefore eliminated email contact-we only emailed via the website). I'll have to block the site on my computer tonight when I get home from work.
The phone number is blocked on my cell.

I'll have to tell DH when he returns

You know you can�t talk to this man. You JUST met him! You have NO IDEA whatsoever what sort of person he is. It sounds just like what happens during a one-night stand. You don�t know what DISEASES he has, his criminal history�you have no idea who you are dealing with and what you are bringing into your home�to your children! Stop this now before you are where I am�where it becomes even more difficult to untangle yourself.

Did you take a break from��pleasing� yourself�long enough to tell this guy that you have a husband and children? If so, this guy is an [censored] and not the sort of guy you would want in your life�for any purpose.

You know, my OM said during one of our conversations (with absolute disgust) that he doesn�t like women who are all over him when they barely know him, he could be the biggest [censored] in the world and they wouldn�t know it�they don�t care. (I have intermittent bouts of clarity where he is concerned�but what does that say?) And he is an [censored] to them, he takes what they give him, even though he is disgusted by them.

This guy, your OM, is probably DISGUSTED by you�and telling his friends all about it. Don�t be this guy�s joke�to the detriment of your family and your entire life, as you know it.

I told the OM I was married and had two kids.

Yes- this man could (may probably) have a disease.

I have no doubt I am a joke

Thank you!!!

It's easy to go into defense mode and rationalize but having the truth given to me right in from of my face really does help keep me in making better (right) choices. THe hardest one still yet to come.

PKB

Dear me;

This isn't about OM. The reason you "can't talk to this man" is not because "you JUST met him" but because you are married!

It isn't because "you have NO IDEA whatsoever what sort of person he is" - it is because you are married!

It isn't because "you don't know what DISEASES he has, his criminal history". If he could show you certificates dated today, showing that he had no criminal record and was disease free, you should not be talking OR having sex with him - because you are married!

Whether OMs like or dislike women who are all over them is not relevant. Whether or not is he disgusted by you or is telling his friends is not relevant.

If you make this into what sort of diseases OM has, what sort of person he is and how he feels about you deep down, you risk grading OMs into good and bad ones, and opting for the good ones. Would it be okay to go with a disease free, record free, former boyfriend who had never stopped loving you since high school?

No you wouldn't; because you are married! THAT's why you must stop.

And also, because, by having sex with a stranger, you are being a slapper. You are a married mother of children and you should not behave like a *EDIT*. This is about your behaviour, not OM's view of you.

Do you want to be a *EDIT*? I'm sure you don't. Well, stop it!

Sugarcane-

Im married- that is why I am here.

Obviously, I did not respect that when I started this whole mess. Obviously, that is why I need to stop before I disrepectied my DH any further. Obviously, this is why I have to talk to my DH when he returns and just pray and hope I haven't lost it all!!!

Thank you SugarCane- I needed the obvious reason for why I stopped this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
PKB

Yes- now I'll have to confront and hopefully have a chance to amend my DH's view of me...

And put protections in place so it NEVER happens again.

Have you considered what those should be?

Good point Vibrissa-

I hadn't gotten that far yet. Please add to the list as you see fit. This is what I can begin in chronological order (if my DH was home or available- #2 would've been #1).

1) No internet at home (work has so many filters,and I cannot do my job without it).
2) Radical Honesty (once I get this out- all of the details. I do not plan to leave anything out if there is a chance my DH will recover. Ive seen too many painful trickle truths that Icannot put my family through that. My DH has access to everything else- email, phone, etc.
3) Bare min. 15 hrs of UA
4) I cannot do a NC letter because I just eliminated the access by which my DH and I could even deliver it.
5) Marriage counseling. I feel that individual counseling would allow me to rationalize. And the truth is the offense was directed at the marriage. I need to focus on my DH, my feelings have no importance.

PKB

Pot total black kettle,

Fist WTH were you thinking about? Not your H, not your kids, not your own value.

This is your fantasy? Think about this --This nameless voice on the phone could be a serial killer, could have a host of diseases waiting to be shared with yourself, he could be a pedophile since you were happy to provide the information that you have 2 small children. Think about that?

Imagine the headlines if this guy turns out to be a crazy and how he met you or your family. How does that turn you on?

Not only are you putting yourself at risk but your whole family. I don't care what your H did or did not do for you. NO EXCUSES for this dangerous behavior.

This is not fog -- it is insanity.

Stop the blame game.

Does OM have any contact info for you other than your phone number? I would also suggest changing your phone number so you cannot be contacted by him again.

No personal email accts - if you must have an account separate from work, it should be joint with your husband.

As for MC - I'd set it up with the Harleys or someone familiar with MB.

hope-
THANK YOU FOR THE 2x4s!!!

The truth really brings out what this really is - sick, selfish, dangerous,...
I am obviously not thinking of anyone but myself!! No one to blame but me. Just wanted to give background (I guess that was foggy- wasn't it)

Good idea about changing my cell #. I'm sure my DH will agree as well (again- hoping I didn't just end my marriage by my selfish actions).

I'll set up an appointment with Dr H today. Should I speak with him first or set it up for when my H gets home so we both may talk with him?

I have no other personal email accts. Only the combined email acccount with my DH.

DH has access to everything. He will actually be able to see my subscription and unsubscription to AFF in our email hen I talk to him.

PKB