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AOA = "Alienation of Affection" --the common legal term for statutes that allow civil judgements against interlopers in a marriage.
Due to difficulty of proving causality in courts (where defendants & their attorneys could muddy the waters), and due to "evolution" of social/cultural norms, these statutes have been repealed in many U.S. states where they once existed. I believe the only states where they remain on the books are Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Joined: Jul 2010
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I live in Virginia. And here, the man is always the one to loose.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I live in Virginia. And here, the man is always the one to loose. Not so. We have had fathers from Virginia that filed on grounds of adultery and got the house and primary custody of their children. Many men do lose, however, when they BELIEVE that "men always lose" and don't try to win. You will lose if you do nothing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Agree with Mel.
Mortarman springs to mind. He kicked his WW 6 ways to Sunday in court and beat her at every turn. He has now reconciled with his FWW and they recently had another baby. Men do not always lose - I actually think in Virginia it's favourable to the man especially where adultery is involved. You can also prevent your WW from exposing the children to the POSOM.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Lat41
Do not move out.
Righteousness MUST be upheld in your situation wherever possible.
That means YOU stay in the house because YOU are not having an affair.
Defend RIGHT. Be a Knight not a slave. You have to be objectived and strong.
Absorb this position " I want my WW but I do not need my WW". That position is a great one from whence to run a Plan A campaign.
be all you can be, improve your husbandry and gain confidence in yourself. Do not judge yourself only the the reflection in your WWs eyes.
Plan A while staying in my house and with my kids is the noblest thing I ever did. I would have the same for you.
MB Alumni
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Bob Pure,
You are so right. I have done nothing wrong. I am a faithfull husband and father.
What I want is for everything to be jointly. I dont want to take the kids away form thier mother. But at the same time, I dont want her to take them away from me. We rent a home, so that makes it alittle easier.
my WW and I have been talking things over, but she is talking about her having primary custody.
I have spoken to a lawer 5 years ago, and the lawer told me that my wife would get primary custody unless I could prove her an unfit mother. And the only way to do that is if she was a drug user. That is why I didnt divorce her then.
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Joined: Dec 2009
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I have spoken to a lawer 5 years ago, and the lawer told me that my wife would get primary custody unless I could prove her an unfit mother. And the only way to do that is if she was a drug user. That is why I didnt divorce her then. Then that�s a crappy lawyer. You can get 50/50 and you can file on grounds of adultery in VA. If you�re in VA, then gather your evidence and file on these grounds. Seriously, you have a very fatalistic sense of the legal stuff in terms of dads. You can get primary custody as a man. It takes preparation, willpower, research, and patience. You can certainly do it if you�re prepared. Will you get sole physical and legal? No. Neither will she. But you ask for it anyways. But multiple affairs by this woman? Why do you put up with it? Why do you feel you can�t do better than that? Don�t tolerate this behavior. File for primary custody, CS, and alimony on the grounds of adultery.
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Joined: Jul 2010
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So the best thing I can do now is to throw out what I know or think I now about Virginia laws, and start all over with a different lawer.
The positive outlook starts today!
So what are the steps I need to take for filing for primary custody? Do I just go down to the courthouse?
Thanks to everyone for your help!
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Joined: Jul 2010
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I just found out that my WW has installed a keylogger on my computer. I guess she thinks that I too am having an affair. Or maybe she is worried that I am going to go underground with contacting a lawer. What every the reason, I will be trashing this hard drive and installing a new one. And then put a bios password.
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Joined: Aug 2005
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I just found out that my WW has installed a keylogger on my computer. I guess she thinks that I too am having an affair. Or maybe she is worried that I am going to go underground with contacting a lawer. What every the reason, I will be trashing this hard drive and installing a new one. And then put a bios password. Or you could try something like this: http://www.guardedid.com/default.aspx. That's one of a few utilities that I recently heard about that tackle this particular type of problem. I haven't tried one yet though, so I can't vouch for any of them.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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What you need is a lawyer. Trust the lawyer, but taking the offensive is huge in custody fights for men.
Ask for everything: Sole physical and legal custody with a listing of her great ills.
You won't get it, but there's massive shock value in filing and putting her on the defensive.
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