CC, you did a great job of exposing the affair! But you must promise to not burst out laughing when he goes into fogbabble mode with you and says silly things like: "you ruined my career," "I was going to work on the marriage, but....."

Even though you know that is silly and insane, it would be a huge lovebuster to burst out laughing. So if you feel like laughing, put him on mute and then do your laughing.

In the meantime, I would finish up any other key exposures so you get your money's worth! Did you expose to all key people? The OW's facebook, her parents, his parents? Everyone should get the good news! Spread the good news!

Then tomorrow I would sit down and work on your Plan B letter and go into a very dark Plan B. That means you will need to get an intermediary who handles ALL contact between you and also someone who will facilitate child care exchanges. You should slam the door shut and not have any contact AT ALL anymore.

And I want to applaud you for the great exposure! His reaction tells me you hit a major nerve!! Bravo!!

cherry, here is your motto for this week:

LOUD AND PROUD!!!

His parents know all about it. They hardly speak to him, I dont know about the OW parents but I when I exposed to OW boyfriend of 9 years his response was that she broke him with him the same time my WH moved out.

He went on to say that unless I have a video he will beleive that she has been faithfull because she has more guy friends and is very unpopular with the spouses of these men. This even after I told him I had phone bills and had them on tape.

MelodyLane, do you really think I struck a cord? He was so outraged when he phone me yesterday I could actually hear him spitting into the phone!

What if he does something crazy like filing for divorce? How long did it take you when you were in plan b?

He also said that they never had an affair but that they were now dating.

I really needed this support today! I have been a mess for days!

Pretty sure that "dating" while still married is AN AFFAIR.

If he was angry over the exposure, you did WELL. I WISH my WH was angry over the exposure. Didn't get much bang for my buck.

As far as Plan B, have you read about it at all? You will go into Plan B with a time limit for it. DrH suggests 2 years. This is mostly because MOST affairs die a natural death within 2 years of exposure. You would go into Plan B and attempt to wait out the affair. If the affair didn't end, or your WH didn't meet your conditions within the 2 years, you would be mostly healed and be ready to move on.

I am almost 8 months into my Plan B and I can tell you that I still have a lot of love left for my WH. I am as dark as I can be and I have NO CLUE what is going on in affairland. It doesn't matter to me, as long as WH isn't trying to recover, then I don't worry about what goes on over there. I feel more at peace and my emotions don't go all over the place.

If your WH files for a D, you could drag it out as long as possible. I have a friend whose XH dragged out their D for almost 10 years. There have even been people who have remarried after a D. Just relax. Breath and get your plan in action.

you are at an advantage here since your WH has NO PLAN and you are going to use a plan that was created by a DR. You will be fine.

Scotland...your first comment made me laugh, yes dating while still married is an affair even if we are not living together.

My friend is going thru the same thing and I lent her my book is there a place on this forum to find a basic plan B letter? I did read the book...the whole thing and that is what made me strong enough to expose.

I also have another problem, the dropping off and picking up of the baby, I don't have anybody that can or will do the drop off and pick up of the baby.

8 months into plan B? I am so sorry, I have read alot of your posts, you are a very strong person, I hope at some point I will be as strong as you, right now I feel like melted butter.

I also have to meet him tonight to drop off the baby!

WHO told his parents? YOU? Or him? If it was not you, then i would call them and tell them the truth and ask them to use their influence with their son.

I would also find out who her parents are and notify them. Does she have a facebook account?



You did a wonderful job!! The more angry, the more effective your exposure! I only hope you didn't laugh when he started babbling.



NOW DATING=ADULTEROUS AFFAIR

I will post it below.


When you are not exposed to him anymore, you will feel stronger and happier than you have in months.

Can you not find someone to do these exchanges with your baby? What about your babysitter? Who watches the baby?

My Dear Sue,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing Greg.

With my love,
Jon

cherrychip, today when you see him, please heed my warning and do not LAUGH when he starts babbling at you. They are so ridiculous just after an exposure that this is easier said than done. If he starts making threats, demands, etc, just smile and say "I'm so sorry you are upset, dear."

Don't laugh, don't argue, don't debate and don't waste your time trying to reason with a falling down drunk.

You are going to have to figure out a way to have the baby exchanged where you CAN NOT see your WH AT ALL. You have to have ZERO contact with him in a true Plan B. You can't half azz this. You can come up with something I am sure.

you see, your WH, like MANY wayturds out there, is a cake-eater. It is good for you because MB concepts work WELL on cake eaters. Another thing that you need to understand is that for our WH to be a cake eater, he needs to have BOTH of you. He wants BOTH of you. If he thought that OW was EVERYTHING, he would have left you right away. He knows, somewhere deep down, that OW ISN'T all he needs. You were and you can be again. But while in Plan B, you want to remove YOURSELF and make OW meet ALL of your WH's ENs. Everytime that you have contact with your WH, you actually STRENGTHEN the affair. Now, why would you want to do that after you do so much to try to end it?

So, brainstorm and come up with SOMETHING. Do you have a friend, babysitter, family member that you could drop off the baby and then your WH would pick up from there? Even someone who could come to your house, not let WH in AT ALL and hand off the baby? Start brainstorming. There are even services out there that you could pay to be drop off points. It's what they use in court systems for abusive spouses. Things like that.

When you meet him tonight to drop off the baby, look SMOKING HOTTTTT. Smell GREAT. Be sweet. SMILE. It will KILL but until you are in Plan B, you need to keep up this acting. Your WH will get confused. He may even get angry. DON'T ENGAGE A WAYTURD. When he asks you about your exposure, you calmly say, "I will do whatever is needed to save our marriage, hot out today isn't it?" If he becomes angry or abusive say, "I will talk to you when you have calmed down" and walk AWAY.

If your WH had NOT been angry at all, then you would have had a reason to worry. You did the right thing. Just keep planning and know that there will be an end in sight, when you enter Plan B.

I switched computers and lost my bookmarks. I will try to find the Plan B letter for you. I know it;s on y thread somewhere. I tried to find it quickly but now the kiddos are crying for FOOD. Guess I should be a mom and feed them, eh? HEHEHEHE

MelodyLane, I exposed to his parents, I also talked with them last night and told them how mad he is because I told the OW boyfriend, his dad laughed and said you stired the pot good honey!

He also said they are only hearing one side of the story...but what other side is there? I wish I would have had the tools to keep my marriage alive but I did not, but I never cheated, never even crossed my mind!

They are all coming over on Saturday as our daughter will be 3 tomorrow. I did not invite him.

I did not laugh I actually wish I would have...instead I did the whole I still love you and want you thing! Dang it! Even today I said I loved him and would be waiting....what the heck!

Mel to the rescue as always. What would we do without her? Shudder at the thought.

There is only one side to the truth. That is great that you have told them the full story.

NOW.............what about the OW's parents? Who are they? Does she have a facebook account?

Hon, if you want to make it you are going to have to really stir it in the affair and make some trouble. Exposure is your best weapon but you have to use it!

Have a lot more peace, that is for sure!

She has a facebook account but I dont see her parents, I only see the boyfriends side of the family!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your help and support. I do look smoking hot everytime I see him, I make a point of it and he is always gropping me, on Wednesday he asked me to go behind the Red Roof Inn for a romp, I said no!

Thats when I got the message on Friday that it will never be right!

Thats when I told the OW boyfriend and it just got worse from there! I got the whole you ruined my career and you should see the way people look at me at work and talk and blah blah blah then the part about me turning his family against him!

One more question, do I email the Plan B letter to him?

I will work on finding a person to make the exchanges....my side of the family wants nothing to do with him and my older kids from a prior marriage are really angry!

Go through the list and try to ID all of the boyfriends family, her family and ALL married people. COPY HER FRIENDS LIST INTO A WORD DOC. Send them a private email that goes like this [modify to suit your situation - send the emails ONE MINUTE APART or facebook will think you are spamming]:

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

Yes, you can. But you will then need to block his email address after you send it so he can't reply.


Won't your family help with the exchanges if they know it is for your sake? Do your older kids live with you? And if so, could they carry the baby out?

Also, you will need a good, NEUTRAL intermediary that will act as a spam filter to do all communication between you both. Do you have someone who could do this?

I only have a sister and she won't be in the same area code as him. They all hate him for what he has done and I can also say that if he was to come back, I would probably loose my family.

I do have a very good friend who will be by my side no matter what decision I make.

Yes, my older kids live with me, me and WH have been together since my kids have been 4 yrs old but they are so angry...my daughter left the house and said she would move out if I let him come home, this comes from alot of influence from my sister.

Lord what to do?

ok, did you read my post? Will your children do the exchange for you?

And will your friend agree to be your intermediary who would pass on any pertinent information?