Your WH is lying about the sex and the affair is still on. They're just having a "spat" right now. Once they kiss and make up, he'll just take it underground and hide it better. Your test as to whether he's sincere about everything is if he's willing to write a no-contact letter as prescribed here on MB, have YOU approve it and YOU mail it. Then he'll need to change all of his contact information (cell phone number, email addresses, etc.)

If he is unwilling to do these things, then you should go to a dark Plan B.

H and I have been getting along fairly well over the past week.

Last night while I was at work, I started receiving text messages from OW. I ignored them and didn't reply. This a.m. I started getting more of them--again, ignored them.

Then, she had a friend of hers call me and tell me that they are getting ready to take out some kind of protection order against my H. I told her that was fine because I was getting ready to do the same thing for her. I got pretty upset and ended up literally screaming at this person. I am a very soft spoken, quiet person and can't even remember the last time I've raised my voice to anyone like this.

What is this woman doing? She seems like a nutcase. What would you guys do with this? It's very upsetting. Seems like when you've very nicely asked someone to leave you alone--that should be enough. But, she is just hell bent on torturing me.

Hi Dawn! [that sounds too cheerful under the circumstances, but it's been a while since I've "seen" you]

Hmmmm...Is H aware of this call? Because it sounds to me like he is still contacting her, yes?

Have you brought up the NC letter, and if so, what was H's response?

PM is right, H is lying about the sex - you know this, yes?

If you can stand to stay in Plan A, I would do so, and I'll tell you why - I realize that Plan B is to protect the health, both emotional and physical, of the BS, but I also know that many times Plan B can have the side benefit of shocking the wayward out of the fog - I do NOT think that will happen with your H, because he is so used to being without you for long stretches at a time - so if you are looking for Plan B to have that side benefit, I think you should understand that in this case it most likely will not - However, in your position, I would FOR SURE contact Steve Harley and get his input [Will you do that?] - Plan B is RISKY as far as divorce is concerned, so if you are strong enough to continue Plan A for a while, that would be my advice...

Here's the bottom line, Dawn...If neither you or your husband intend to do anything regarding his career taking the two of you away from each other for MONTHS at a time, then this is hopeless - and you know I haven't changed my position on that since you and I "met" - A marriage absolutely, 100% cannot survive under the conditions that yours has been in for so long...You cannot live separately and have a marriage worth having...So THAT must be a condition for continuing in the marriage - if not, then there is no point even trying...After no contact is established, then the next thing that MUST be done is to eliminate the conditions that led to the affair - in the case of you and H, that should read "affairS"...You have both had affairs while living separately - It's pretty easy to see how this happened - Are both you and your husband willing to eliminate this condition and live together ALL THE TIME???

Mrs. W

I have another question for you, and I would appreciate your honesty very much...

About this:


~emphasis mine

Did this contact between you and OM occur during the time that you and I were IMing regularly?

I ask for a few reasons:

1. Quite simply, because I just want to know if you were honest with me or not during that time...

2. Because you remained very foggy and miserable for such a long time, and I want to be able to make sense of that - and I want YOU to see why you stayed that way for so long - I'd like to see that lightbulb go off for you...

and

3. Because I want to confirm something that I suspect...Which is, that I believe it is harmful for a new FWS to have off board contact with another member, IF they use that contact in lieu of posting on MB regularly - which I've seen happen more than once...I think it is very important that the new FWS hear the voices of MANY, rather than just one...What do you think?

Mrs. W

I just re-read your post, and I think I misunderstood you - DUH! You did remain NC with OM that whole time? If so, feel free to IGNORE my ignorant, sucks-at-reading-comprehension butt!

We are in the process of moving right now, and I'm not too with it, it seems...

Mrs. W

Hi Mrs. Wondering--great to hear from you.

Yes, H knew about the call since he was sitting there next to me when it took place. He just said for me to not let it upset me because that is what she wants and that she is a psycho...

And, you read correctly the second time--there has been no contact whatsoever with OM.

I agree with you completely with all your comments.

We are trying to sell our house and we've bought a townhouse so the plan is that I will travel with him whenever he has to go out of town for work.

I am trying my best to plan A. I have mentioned the NC letter but have not "demanded" it. I want it to be his choice.

I backed away from posting so much here on MB because it seemed that my opinions weren't valued very much and I was regularly being beat over the head with a brick--I think that I need to work on my tact or something.

But, thanks for your reply--any advice or direction from anyone would be appreciated and, good luck with your move.

And, I would love to talk to Steve Harley--I'm just not in the financial position to do that...

OW again today tried sending me some picture messages but my cell phone is so old that it will not receive them. Last time I heard from her was as described above when she had her friend call me and I went ballistic and screamed at her. So, 4 days later she feels that she needs to contact me again.

H says that he has had no contact from her and has not heard from her at all. I guess she is just trying to drive me crazy.

I went to the DA's office this a.m. and picked up a stalking package and am going to file a protective order to her. That is all I know to do at this point. I told her friend that called me this past Saturday that I was getting ready to do this and yet she is still contacting me...
I'm told that she already has a criminal history and has spent time in prison in TX so, that should fare very well for her I suppose.

Any thoughts or opinions?